So....
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I just landed a senior role at Old McDonalds farm.
I’m the CIEIO.
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What’s the difference between a cult and a religion?
In a cult, there’s a guy at the top who knows it’s all a scam.
In a religion, that guy is dead.
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During a recent password audit, a blonde woman was discovered to have the password “MickeyMinnieGoofyHueyDeweyLouisDonaldDaffySacramento”
When asked why she said “they said it needed to be eight characters and a capital”.
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I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan.
They got all excited and asked if I knew how to drive a truck.
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During a recent password audit, a blonde woman was discovered to have the password “MickeyMinnieGoofyHueyDeweyLouisDonaldDaffySacramento”
When asked why she said “they said it needed to be eight characters and a capital”.
The eight characters are fine but Sacramento is too correct.
Perhaps make it Los Angeles or San Francisco or New York City. -
When I’m bored I’ll call the local Best Western hotel.
When they pick up the phone and say “Best Western,” I say “True Grit with John Wayne” and hang up.
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I sold my vacuum the other day.
All it was doing was collecting dust.
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It's not that I like cocaine, really. I just love the way it smells.
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Queen Pasiphae of Crete gave birth to the Minotaur, violating Bart Simpson's famous maxim "Don't have a cow-man"
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Heavy storm over Liverpool today so they canceled all flights in and out of John Lennon Airport.
Imagine all the people…
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Chess players think checkers players are dumb, but I love checkers.
Besides, the red ones are tasty.
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After years of bad luck with the opposite sex, I’m changing my sexual orientation.
I’m now officially buysexual.
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I told my wife that the shoes she’s wearing are inappropriate for gardening.
But she’s digging in her heels.
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My ex had a tattoo of a seashell on her right thigh.
If you put your left ear against it you could smell the sea.
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Next time a stranger takes a seat next to you in a public place, stare straight ahead and say “Did you bring the money?”
