So....

[jon-nyc]

I just landed a senior role at Old McDonalds farm.

I’m the CIEIO.

[jon-nyc]

What’s the difference between a cult and a religion?

In a cult, there’s a guy at the top who knows it’s all a scam.

In a religion, that guy is dead.

[jon-nyc]

During a recent password audit, a blonde woman was discovered to have the password “MickeyMinnieGoofyHueyDeweyLouisDonaldDaffySacramento”

When asked why she said “they said it needed to be eight characters and a capital”.

[jon-nyc]

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan.

They got all excited and asked if I knew how to drive a truck.

[Axtremus]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

During a recent password audit, a blonde woman was discovered to have the password “MickeyMinnieGoofyHueyDeweyLouisDonaldDaffySacramento”

When asked why she said “they said it needed to be eight characters and a capital”.

The eight characters are fine but Sacramento is too correct.
Perhaps make it Los Angeles or San Francisco or New York City.

[jon-nyc]

When I’m bored I’ll call the local Best Western hotel.

When they pick up the phone and say “Best Western,” I say “True Grit with John Wayne” and hang up.

[jon-nyc]

I sold my vacuum the other day.

All it was doing was collecting dust.

[jon-nyc]

It's not that I like cocaine, really. I just love the way it smells.

[George K]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

sold my vacuum the other day.
All it was doing was collecting dust.

A tip of the virtual hat to everyone here who didn't descend into the "sucks" jokes.

@Aqua-s-Sister , I'm NOT looking at you.

[jon-nyc]

Queen Pasiphae of Crete gave birth to the Minotaur, violating Bart Simpson's famous maxim "Don't have a cow-man"

[jon-nyc]

Heavy storm over Liverpool today so they canceled all flights in and out of John Lennon Airport.

Imagine all the people…

[Larry]

Did you hear about the blonde who divorced her husband because she got pregnant and didn't believe she was the mother?

[jon-nyc]

Chess players think checkers players are dumb, but I love checkers.

Besides, the red ones are tasty.

[jon-nyc]

After years of bad luck with the opposite sex, I’m changing my sexual orientation.

I’m now officially buysexual.

[George K]

The young couple next door to me are making a sex tape , only they don't know it yet.

[jon-nyc]

I told my wife that the shoes she’s wearing are inappropriate for gardening.

But she’s digging in her heels.

[jon-nyc]

My ex had a tattoo of a seashell on her right thigh.

If you put your left ear against it you could smell the sea.

[Catseye3]

The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but it’s still on the list.

[Catseye3]

Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.

[jon-nyc]

Next time a stranger takes a seat next to you in a public place, stare straight ahead and say “Did you bring the money?”