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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
1.0k Posts 26 Posters 84.8k Views
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  • jon-nycJ Offline
    jon-nycJ Offline
    jon-nyc
    wrote on last edited by
    #520

    I just landed a senior role at Old McDonalds farm.

    I’m the CIEIO.

    Only non-witches get due process.

    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
    1 Reply Last reply
    • jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nyc
      wrote on last edited by
      #521

      What’s the difference between a cult and a religion?

      In a cult, there’s a guy at the top who knows it’s all a scam.

      In a religion, that guy is dead.

      Only non-witches get due process.

      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
      1 Reply Last reply
      • jon-nycJ Offline
        jon-nycJ Offline
        jon-nyc
        wrote on last edited by
        #522

        During a recent password audit, a blonde woman was discovered to have the password “MickeyMinnieGoofyHueyDeweyLouisDonaldDaffySacramento”

        When asked why she said “they said it needed to be eight characters and a capital”.

        Only non-witches get due process.

        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
        AxtremusA 1 Reply Last reply
        • jon-nycJ Offline
          jon-nycJ Offline
          jon-nyc
          wrote on last edited by
          #523

          I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan.

          They got all excited and asked if I knew how to drive a truck.

          Only non-witches get due process.

          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
          1 Reply Last reply
          • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

            During a recent password audit, a blonde woman was discovered to have the password “MickeyMinnieGoofyHueyDeweyLouisDonaldDaffySacramento”

            When asked why she said “they said it needed to be eight characters and a capital”.

            AxtremusA Offline
            AxtremusA Offline
            Axtremus
            wrote on last edited by
            #524

            @jon-nyc said in So....:

            During a recent password audit, a blonde woman was discovered to have the password “MickeyMinnieGoofyHueyDeweyLouisDonaldDaffySacramento”

            When asked why she said “they said it needed to be eight characters and a capital”.

            The eight characters are fine but Sacramento is too correct.
            Perhaps make it Los Angeles or San Francisco or New York City.

            1 Reply Last reply
            • jon-nycJ Offline
              jon-nycJ Offline
              jon-nyc
              wrote on last edited by
              #525

              When I’m bored I’ll call the local Best Western hotel.

              When they pick up the phone and say “Best Western,” I say “True Grit with John Wayne” and hang up.

              Only non-witches get due process.

              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
              IvorythumperI 1 Reply Last reply
              • jon-nycJ Offline
                jon-nycJ Offline
                jon-nyc
                wrote on last edited by
                #526

                I sold my vacuum the other day.

                All it was doing was collecting dust.

                Only non-witches get due process.

                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                George KG 1 Reply Last reply
                • jon-nycJ Offline
                  jon-nycJ Offline
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #527

                  It's not that I like cocaine, really. I just love the way it smells.

                  Only non-witches get due process.

                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                    I sold my vacuum the other day.

                    All it was doing was collecting dust.

                    George KG Offline
                    George KG Offline
                    George K
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #528

                    @jon-nyc said in So....:

                    sold my vacuum the other day.
                    All it was doing was collecting dust.

                    A tip of the virtual hat to everyone here who didn't descend into the "sucks" jokes.

                    @Aqua-s-Sister , I'm NOT looking at you.

                    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • jon-nycJ Offline
                      jon-nycJ Offline
                      jon-nyc
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #529

                      Queen Pasiphae of Crete gave birth to the Minotaur, violating Bart Simpson's famous maxim "Don't have a cow-man"

                      Only non-witches get due process.

                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • jon-nycJ Offline
                        jon-nycJ Offline
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #530

                        Heavy storm over Liverpool today so they canceled all flights in and out of John Lennon Airport.

                        Imagine all the people…

                        Only non-witches get due process.

                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • LarryL Offline
                          LarryL Offline
                          Larry
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #531

                          Did you hear about the blonde who divorced her husband because she got pregnant and didn't believe she was the mother?

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • jon-nycJ Offline
                            jon-nycJ Offline
                            jon-nyc
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #532

                            Chess players think checkers players are dumb, but I love checkers.

                            Besides, the red ones are tasty.

                            Only non-witches get due process.

                            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • jon-nycJ Offline
                              jon-nycJ Offline
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #533

                              After years of bad luck with the opposite sex, I’m changing my sexual orientation.

                              I’m now officially buysexual.

                              Only non-witches get due process.

                              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • George KG Offline
                                George KG Offline
                                George K
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #534

                                The young couple next door to me are making a sex tape , only they don't know it yet.

                                "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • jon-nycJ Offline
                                  jon-nycJ Offline
                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #535

                                  I told my wife that the shoes she’s wearing are inappropriate for gardening.

                                  But she’s digging in her heels.

                                  Only non-witches get due process.

                                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • jon-nycJ Offline
                                    jon-nycJ Offline
                                    jon-nyc
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #536

                                    My ex had a tattoo of a seashell on her right thigh.

                                    If you put your left ear against it you could smell the sea.

                                    Only non-witches get due process.

                                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • Catseye3C Offline
                                      Catseye3C Offline
                                      Catseye3
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #537

                                      The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but it’s still on the list.

                                      Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • Catseye3C Offline
                                        Catseye3C Offline
                                        Catseye3
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #538

                                        Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.

                                        😖

                                        Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                        LuFins DadL 1 Reply Last reply
                                        • jon-nycJ Offline
                                          jon-nycJ Offline
                                          jon-nyc
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #539

                                          Next time a stranger takes a seat next to you in a public place, stare straight ahead and say “Did you bring the money?”

                                          Only non-witches get due process.

                                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                          1 Reply Last reply
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