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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • J jon-nyc
    20 Feb 2022, 16:07

    When I’m bored I’ll call the local Best Western hotel.

    When they pick up the phone and say “Best Western,” I say “True Grit with John Wayne” and hang up.

    I Offline
    I Offline
    Ivorythumper
    wrote on 24 Feb 2022, 18:52 last edited by
    #542

    @jon-nyc said in So....:

    When I’m bored I’ll call the local Best Western hotel.

    When they pick up the phone and say “Best Western,” I say “True Grit with John Wayne” and hang up.

    One of the worst westerns, but you're pranking them, right?

    C 1 Reply Last reply 25 Feb 2022, 12:12
    • J Online
      J Online
      jon-nyc
      wrote on 25 Feb 2022, 11:49 last edited by
      #543

      I’m writing a new book about the things I should be doing in life.

      It’s an oughttobiography.

      Only non-witches get due process.

      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
      1 Reply Last reply
      • K Offline
        K Offline
        Klaus
        wrote on 25 Feb 2022, 12:11 last edited by
        #544

        This thread seems to evolve into a "worst dad joke" collection 🙂 .

        G 1 Reply Last reply 25 Feb 2022, 12:49
        • I Ivorythumper
          24 Feb 2022, 18:52

          @jon-nyc said in So....:

          When I’m bored I’ll call the local Best Western hotel.

          When they pick up the phone and say “Best Western,” I say “True Grit with John Wayne” and hang up.

          One of the worst westerns, but you're pranking them, right?

          C Offline
          C Offline
          Catseye3
          wrote on 25 Feb 2022, 12:12 last edited by
          #545

          @Ivorythumper It's a worst western if you think of it as a Western. It's really a story that is set in the West -- that's different.

          Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

          I 1 Reply Last reply 25 Feb 2022, 13:16
          • K Klaus
            25 Feb 2022, 12:11

            This thread seems to evolve into a "worst dad joke" collection 🙂 .

            G Offline
            G Offline
            George K
            wrote on 25 Feb 2022, 12:49 last edited by
            #546

            @Klaus said in So....:

            This thread seems to evolve into a "worst dad joke" collection 🙂 .

            You misspelled "degenerated."

            "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

            The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

            1 Reply Last reply
            • C Catseye3
              25 Feb 2022, 12:12

              @Ivorythumper It's a worst western if you think of it as a Western. It's really a story that is set in the West -- that's different.

              I Offline
              I Offline
              Ivorythumper
              wrote on 25 Feb 2022, 13:16 last edited by
              #547

              @Catseye3 said in So....:

              @Ivorythumper It's a worst western if you think of it as a Western. It's really a story that is set in the West -- that's different.

              It’s a great story— Glen Campbell, and the pace, and the cinematography ruin it — it’s painful to watch.

              Compare it to the 2010 Coen version, which is a masterpiece.

              C 1 Reply Last reply 26 Feb 2022, 00:12
              • G Offline
                G Offline
                George K
                wrote on 25 Feb 2022, 23:37 last edited by
                #548

                Today, I got gas for $1.89!

                Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.

                "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                1 Reply Last reply
                • I Ivorythumper
                  25 Feb 2022, 13:16

                  @Catseye3 said in So....:

                  @Ivorythumper It's a worst western if you think of it as a Western. It's really a story that is set in the West -- that's different.

                  It’s a great story— Glen Campbell, and the pace, and the cinematography ruin it — it’s painful to watch.

                  Compare it to the 2010 Coen version, which is a masterpiece.

                  C Offline
                  C Offline
                  Catseye3
                  wrote on 26 Feb 2022, 00:12 last edited by
                  #549

                  @Ivorythumper I'm happy to take your word for it. I don't even remember it that well.

                  Also, I'm horribly uncritical about movies. It takes a very low bar for me to actually dislike a movie, so I'm probably not a great judge.

                  Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • J Online
                    J Online
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote on 28 Feb 2022, 17:23 last edited by
                    #550

                    Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

                    But then so was yesterday and look at how you fucked that up.

                    Only non-witches get due process.

                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                    G 1 Reply Last reply 28 Feb 2022, 18:11
                    • J jon-nyc
                      28 Feb 2022, 17:23

                      Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

                      But then so was yesterday and look at how you fucked that up.

                      G Offline
                      G Offline
                      George K
                      wrote on 28 Feb 2022, 18:11 last edited by
                      #551

                      @jon-nyc ...

                      alt text

                      "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                      The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • J Online
                        J Online
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote on 2 Mar 2022, 17:51 last edited by
                        #552

                        My grandfather was responsible for 35 downed German planes in WW-2.

                        Still to this day holds the record for the worst mechanic ever in the history of the Luftwaffe.

                        Only non-witches get due process.

                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • J Online
                          J Online
                          jon-nyc
                          wrote on 2 Mar 2022, 19:19 last edited by
                          #553

                          Somebody threw a bottle of omega 3 fatty acids at me.

                          Fortunately my injuries were only super fish oil.

                          Only non-witches get due process.

                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                          K 1 Reply Last reply 2 Mar 2022, 19:25
                          • J jon-nyc
                            2 Mar 2022, 19:19

                            Somebody threw a bottle of omega 3 fatty acids at me.

                            Fortunately my injuries were only super fish oil.

                            K Offline
                            K Offline
                            Klaus
                            wrote on 2 Mar 2022, 19:25 last edited by
                            #554

                            @jon-nyc said in So....:

                            Somebody threw a bottle of omega 3 fatty acids at me.

                            Fortunately my injuries were only super fish oil.

                            This photo captures my reaction to this joke pretty well.
                            0f357660-edd8-437f-a027-5924d2e0089f-image.png

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • J Online
                              J Online
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote on 2 Mar 2022, 21:19 last edited by
                              #555

                              Every time I go to the beach in my bathing suit, I can feel all the women dressing me with their eyes.

                              Only non-witches get due process.

                              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • I Offline
                                I Offline
                                Improviso
                                wrote on 3 Mar 2022, 13:11 last edited by
                                #556

                                Two women were playing golf.

                                One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the
                                ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

                                The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

                                'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physiotherapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me.' she told him.

                                'Oh, no, I'll be all right I'll be fine in a few minutes.' the man replied.

                                He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid
                                them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

                                She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked 'How does that feel?'

                                He replied, 'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken.

                                We have the freedom to choose our actions, but we do not get to choose our consequences.
                                Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on.

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • J Online
                                  J Online
                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote on 3 Mar 2022, 21:30 last edited by
                                  #557

                                  So…. my career as a karate instructor was tragically ended when parents found out I was wholly unqualified and just enjoyed kicking children.

                                  Only non-witches get due process.

                                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                  I 1 Reply Last reply 3 Mar 2022, 21:41
                                  • J jon-nyc
                                    3 Mar 2022, 21:30

                                    So…. my career as a karate instructor was tragically ended when parents found out I was wholly unqualified and just enjoyed kicking children.

                                    I Offline
                                    I Offline
                                    Ivorythumper
                                    wrote on 3 Mar 2022, 21:41 last edited by
                                    #558

                                    @jon-nyc said in So....:

                                    So…. my career as a karate instructor was tragically ended when parents found out I was wholly unqualified and just enjoyed kicking children.

                                    Link to video

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • G Offline
                                      G Offline
                                      George K
                                      wrote on 4 Mar 2022, 23:21 last edited by
                                      #559

                                      Is my wife dissatisfied with my body?

                                      A tiny part of me says yes.

                                      "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                      The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • J Online
                                        J Online
                                        jon-nyc
                                        wrote on 4 Mar 2022, 23:23 last edited by
                                        #560

                                        My new girlfriend was excited when she found out that my friends called me ‘the love machine’.

                                        Then she found out it’s because I suck at tennis.

                                        Only non-witches get due process.

                                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • J Online
                                          J Online
                                          jon-nyc
                                          wrote on 5 Mar 2022, 22:06 last edited by
                                          #561

                                          Did I ever tell you about the time my dick was in the Guinness Book of World Records?

                                          So anyway I got kicked out of the library.

                                          Only non-witches get due process.

                                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                          1 Reply Last reply
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