So....
-
wrote on 28 Feb 2022, 17:23 last edited by
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
But then so was yesterday and look at how you fucked that up.
-
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
But then so was yesterday and look at how you fucked that up.
-
wrote on 2 Mar 2022, 17:51 last edited by
My grandfather was responsible for 35 downed German planes in WW-2.
Still to this day holds the record for the worst mechanic ever in the history of the Luftwaffe.
-
wrote on 2 Mar 2022, 19:19 last edited by
Somebody threw a bottle of omega 3 fatty acids at me.
Fortunately my injuries were only super fish oil.
-
Somebody threw a bottle of omega 3 fatty acids at me.
Fortunately my injuries were only super fish oil.
-
wrote on 2 Mar 2022, 21:19 last edited by
Every time I go to the beach in my bathing suit, I can feel all the women dressing me with their eyes.
-
wrote on 3 Mar 2022, 13:11 last edited by
Two women were playing golf.
One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the
ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physiotherapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me.' she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right I'll be fine in a few minutes.' the man replied.
He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid
them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked 'How does that feel?'
He replied, 'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken.
-
wrote on 3 Mar 2022, 21:30 last edited by
So…. my career as a karate instructor was tragically ended when parents found out I was wholly unqualified and just enjoyed kicking children.
-
So…. my career as a karate instructor was tragically ended when parents found out I was wholly unqualified and just enjoyed kicking children.
wrote on 3 Mar 2022, 21:41 last edited by
Link to videoSo…. my career as a karate instructor was tragically ended when parents found out I was wholly unqualified and just enjoyed kicking children.
-
wrote on 4 Mar 2022, 23:21 last edited by
Is my wife dissatisfied with my body?
A tiny part of me says yes.
-
wrote on 4 Mar 2022, 23:23 last edited by
My new girlfriend was excited when she found out that my friends called me ‘the love machine’.
Then she found out it’s because I suck at tennis.
-
wrote on 5 Mar 2022, 22:06 last edited by
Did I ever tell you about the time my dick was in the Guinness Book of World Records?
So anyway I got kicked out of the library.
-
wrote on 6 Mar 2022, 00:13 last edited by
So I said to my wife, “why don’t you tell me when you orgasm?
She said “because you don’t like it when I call you at work.”
-
So I said to my wife, “why don’t you tell me when you orgasm?
She said “because you don’t like it when I call you at work.”
-
wrote on 6 Mar 2022, 01:57 last edited by
This woman was running around trying to get dressed for a dinner party, and they were running late. She just couldn't make up her mind what to wear. Her husband waited patiently..,
She came flying through the room and said "I'm so frazzled... I don't know if I'm coming or going.."
Her husband says "you must be going. Because when you're coming you look like a Down's Syndrome kid trying to whistle....."
-
wrote on 6 Mar 2022, 03:20 last edited by
When is it too late to have a baby shower?
Because my mom never had one for me and I need clothes.
-
wrote on 6 Mar 2022, 22:21 last edited by
-
wrote on 7 Mar 2022, 03:05 last edited by
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
