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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
1.0k Posts 26 Posters 103.1k Views
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  • J jon-nyc
    24 Feb 2025, 12:33

    I told my wife I want to be cremated.

    She made an appointment for Tuesday.

    T Offline
    T Offline
    taiwan_girl
    wrote on 25 Feb 2025, 01:22 last edited by
    #980

    @jon-nyc I thought I remembered your joke. 555

    https://nodebb.the-new-coffee-room.club/topic/98/so/954?_=1740445895930

    1 Reply Last reply
    • T taiwan_girl referenced this topic on 25 Feb 2025, 01:22
    • J Online
      J Online
      jon-nyc
      wrote on 25 Feb 2025, 01:46 last edited by
      #981

      Damn.

      Thank you for your attention to this matter.

      1 Reply Last reply
      • J Online
        J Online
        jon-nyc
        wrote on 17 Mar 2025, 21:07 last edited by
        #982

        A scammer called me and said he had all my passwords.

        I got a pen and said ‘Thank god for that. What are they?’

        Thank you for your attention to this matter.

        1 Reply Last reply
        • J Online
          J Online
          jon-nyc
          wrote on 25 Mar 2025, 22:27 last edited by
          #983

          If I get sent to jail my wife will bail me out.

          She never lets me finish a sentence.

          Thank you for your attention to this matter.

          1 Reply Last reply
          • J Online
            J Online
            jon-nyc
            wrote on 11 Apr 2025, 16:26 last edited by
            #984

            Best thing about sex with an Amish girl?

            She doesn’t expect you to call the next day.

            Thank you for your attention to this matter.

            1 Reply Last reply
            • L Offline
              L Offline
              LuFins Dad
              wrote on 13 Apr 2025, 16:48 last edited by
              #985

              The doctor told me I had to quit masturbating. I asked her why. She said “because you’re in the middle of a prostate exam, asshole”

              The Brad

              1 Reply Last reply
              • J Online
                J Online
                jon-nyc
                wrote on 13 Apr 2025, 18:28 last edited by
                #986

                Someone just told me Einstein was a real person.

                And all this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist.

                Thank you for your attention to this matter.

                1 Reply Last reply
                • A Offline
                  A Offline
                  AndyD
                  wrote on 13 Apr 2025, 19:58 last edited by
                  #987

                  You know dynamite was invented by Alfred Nobel.
                  At first he didn't have a name for it; then it blew his house up and he said, this stuff's dynamite.

                  Someone just threw Chinese soup at me.
                  It was won-ton violence.

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • J Online
                    J Online
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote on 14 Apr 2025, 17:57 last edited by
                    #988

                    I thought my new girlfriend might be 'The One'.

                    But after looking through her underwear drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French Maid's outfit and a Policewoman uniform I've decided, if she can't hold down a job, she's not the right one for me.

                    Thank you for your attention to this matter.

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • J Online
                      J Online
                      jon-nyc
                      wrote on 20 Apr 2025, 08:10 last edited by
                      #989

                      So… one of my testicles hangs lower than the other two.

                      Is this normal?

                      Thank you for your attention to this matter.

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • J Online
                        J Online
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote on 23 Apr 2025, 00:03 last edited by
                        #990

                        Yesterday I didn't take a nap.

                        Pulled an all-dayer.

                        Thank you for your attention to this matter.

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • J Online
                          J Online
                          jon-nyc
                          wrote on 26 Apr 2025, 11:52 last edited by
                          #991

                          12 years ago today my friend Dave came out running and screaming “IT’S A BOY!!!” with tears streaming down his face.

                          We’ve never been back to Thailand since.

                          Thank you for your attention to this matter.

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • MikM Offline
                            MikM Offline
                            Mik
                            wrote on 27 Apr 2025, 19:31 last edited by
                            #992

                            Two guys in their mid-twenties are sitting at a bar having a beer.

                            One of the guys remarks to the other,

                            "Boy, you look tired!"

                            His friend replies, "Dude, I'm exhausted. My girlfriend wants to make love all the time - three, four, sometimes even six times a night! She wakes me up at all hours. I don't know what to do!"

                            An old gentleman in his seventies, sitting a few bar stools down, overhears their conversation.

                            He looked over at the two men and, showing the wisdom of his age, says,

                            "Marry her, that'll put an end to that nonsense!"

                            "The intelligent man who is proud of his intelligence is like the condemned man who is proud of his large cell." Simone Weil

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • J Online
                              J Online
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote on 27 Apr 2025, 20:31 last edited by
                              #993

                              Lol

                              Thank you for your attention to this matter.

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • J Online
                                J Online
                                jon-nyc
                                wrote on 27 Apr 2025, 22:35 last edited by jon-nyc
                                #994

                                I want my kid to have everything I couldn’t afford.

                                Then I want to move in with him.

                                Thank you for your attention to this matter.

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • J Online
                                  J Online
                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote on 30 Apr 2025, 23:39 last edited by
                                  #995

                                  I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for quality or training purposes.

                                  Thank you for your attention to this matter.

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • J Online
                                    J Online
                                    jon-nyc
                                    wrote on 3 May 2025, 19:57 last edited by
                                    #996

                                    I often wonder who Pete is and why we do things for his sake.

                                    Thank you for your attention to this matter.

                                    L 1 Reply Last reply 3 May 2025, 21:33
                                    • J jon-nyc
                                      3 May 2025, 19:57

                                      I often wonder who Pete is and why we do things for his sake.

                                      L Offline
                                      L Offline
                                      LuFins Dad
                                      wrote on 3 May 2025, 21:33 last edited by
                                      #997

                                      @jon-nyc said in So....:

                                      I often wonder who Pete is and why we do things for his sake.

                                      I always wonder what Will did to make the the Army always fire at him.

                                      The Brad

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • J Online
                                        J Online
                                        jon-nyc
                                        wrote on 4 May 2025, 01:21 last edited by
                                        #998

                                        The only time I ever get asked for sex is on medical forms.

                                        Thank you for your attention to this matter.

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • J Online
                                          J Online
                                          jon-nyc
                                          wrote on 9 May 2025, 19:55 last edited by
                                          #999

                                          Of all the things that taste like chicken, it’s weird that eggs aren’t one of them.

                                          Thank you for your attention to this matter.

                                          T 1 Reply Last reply 10 May 2025, 00:31
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