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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • George KG Offline
    George KG Offline
    George K
    wrote on last edited by
    #971

    Bigfoot frequently gets confused for Sasquatch.

    Yeti never complains.

    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

    1 Reply Last reply
    • jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nyc
      wrote on last edited by
      #972

      The sweater I was wearing was picking up a lot of static electricity so I brought it back to the store.

      They gave me a new one free of charge.

      "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
      -Cormac McCarthy

      1 Reply Last reply
      • jon-nycJ Offline
        jon-nycJ Offline
        jon-nyc
        wrote on last edited by
        #973

        I miss those weeks in 2020 when it was illegal for people to come near me.

        "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
        -Cormac McCarthy

        1 Reply Last reply
        • jon-nycJ Offline
          jon-nycJ Offline
          jon-nyc
          wrote on last edited by
          #974

          Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and eggs we would throw them at the houses of our enemies.

          "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
          -Cormac McCarthy

          1 Reply Last reply
          • jon-nycJ Offline
            jon-nycJ Offline
            jon-nyc
            wrote on last edited by
            #975

            I broke an egg making breakfast today.

            The insurance company is sending out an adjuster tomorrow.

            "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
            -Cormac McCarthy

            1 Reply Last reply
            • jon-nycJ Offline
              jon-nycJ Offline
              jon-nyc
              wrote on last edited by
              #976

              I made a mushroom risotto from mushrooms I foraged locally.

              Not only was it delicious but a Welsh choir of purple elephants sang the whole Bat Out Of Hell album accompanied by a light show.

              "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
              -Cormac McCarthy

              1 Reply Last reply
              • jon-nycJ Offline
                jon-nycJ Offline
                jon-nyc
                wrote on last edited by
                #977

                I signed up for my company’s 401k.

                I’m a little nervous though. I’ve never run that far before.

                "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
                -Cormac McCarthy

                1 Reply Last reply
                • jon-nycJ Offline
                  jon-nycJ Offline
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #978

                  My wife complains I don't buy her flowers.

                  To be honest, I didn't even know she sold flowers.

                  "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
                  -Cormac McCarthy

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • jon-nycJ Offline
                    jon-nycJ Offline
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #979

                    I told my wife I want to be cremated.

                    She made an appointment for Tuesday.

                    "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
                    -Cormac McCarthy

                    taiwan_girlT 1 Reply Last reply
                    • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                      I told my wife I want to be cremated.

                      She made an appointment for Tuesday.

                      taiwan_girlT Offline
                      taiwan_girlT Offline
                      taiwan_girl
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #980

                      @jon-nyc I thought I remembered your joke. 555

                      https://nodebb.the-new-coffee-room.club/topic/98/so/954?_=1740445895930

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • taiwan_girlT taiwan_girl referenced this topic on
                      • jon-nycJ Offline
                        jon-nycJ Offline
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #981

                        Damn.

                        "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
                        -Cormac McCarthy

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • jon-nycJ Offline
                          jon-nycJ Offline
                          jon-nyc
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #982

                          A scammer called me and said he had all my passwords.

                          I got a pen and said ‘Thank god for that. What are they?’

                          "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
                          -Cormac McCarthy

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • jon-nycJ Offline
                            jon-nycJ Offline
                            jon-nyc
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #983

                            If I get sent to jail my wife will bail me out.

                            She never lets me finish a sentence.

                            "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
                            -Cormac McCarthy

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • jon-nycJ Offline
                              jon-nycJ Offline
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #984

                              Best thing about sex with an Amish girl?

                              She doesn’t expect you to call the next day.

                              "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
                              -Cormac McCarthy

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • LuFins DadL Offline
                                LuFins DadL Offline
                                LuFins Dad
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #985

                                The doctor told me I had to quit masturbating. I asked her why. She said “because you’re in the middle of a prostate exam, asshole”

                                The Brad

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • jon-nycJ Offline
                                  jon-nycJ Offline
                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #986

                                  Someone just told me Einstein was a real person.

                                  And all this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist.

                                  "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
                                  -Cormac McCarthy

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • A Offline
                                    A Offline
                                    AndyD
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #987

                                    You know dynamite was invented by Alfred Nobel.
                                    At first he didn't have a name for it; then it blew his house up and he said, this stuff's dynamite.

                                    Someone just threw Chinese soup at me.
                                    It was won-ton violence.

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • jon-nycJ Offline
                                      jon-nycJ Offline
                                      jon-nyc
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #988

                                      I thought my new girlfriend might be 'The One'.

                                      But after looking through her underwear drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French Maid's outfit and a Policewoman uniform I've decided, if she can't hold down a job, she's not the right one for me.

                                      "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
                                      -Cormac McCarthy

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • jon-nycJ Offline
                                        jon-nycJ Offline
                                        jon-nyc
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #989

                                        So… one of my testicles hangs lower than the other two.

                                        Is this normal?

                                        "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
                                        -Cormac McCarthy

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • jon-nycJ Offline
                                          jon-nycJ Offline
                                          jon-nyc
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #990

                                          Yesterday I didn't take a nap.

                                          Pulled an all-dayer.

                                          "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
                                          -Cormac McCarthy

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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