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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • A Offline
    A Offline
    AndyD
    wrote on last edited by
    #987

    You know dynamite was invented by Alfred Nobel.
    At first he didn't have a name for it; then it blew his house up and he said, this stuff's dynamite.

    Someone just threw Chinese soup at me.
    It was won-ton violence.

    1 Reply Last reply
    • jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nyc
      wrote on last edited by
      #988

      I thought my new girlfriend might be 'The One'.

      But after looking through her underwear drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French Maid's outfit and a Policewoman uniform I've decided, if she can't hold down a job, she's not the right one for me.

      Only non-witches get due process.

      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
      1 Reply Last reply
      • jon-nycJ Offline
        jon-nycJ Offline
        jon-nyc
        wrote on last edited by
        #989

        So… one of my testicles hangs lower than the other two.

        Is this normal?

        Only non-witches get due process.

        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
        1 Reply Last reply
        • jon-nycJ Offline
          jon-nycJ Offline
          jon-nyc
          wrote on last edited by
          #990

          Yesterday I didn't take a nap.

          Pulled an all-dayer.

          Only non-witches get due process.

          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
          1 Reply Last reply
          • jon-nycJ Offline
            jon-nycJ Offline
            jon-nyc
            wrote on last edited by
            #991

            12 years ago today my friend Dave came out running and screaming “IT’S A BOY!!!” with tears streaming down his face.

            We’ve never been back to Thailand since.

            Only non-witches get due process.

            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
            1 Reply Last reply
            • MikM Offline
              MikM Offline
              Mik
              wrote on last edited by
              #992

              Two guys in their mid-twenties are sitting at a bar having a beer.

              One of the guys remarks to the other,

              "Boy, you look tired!"

              His friend replies, "Dude, I'm exhausted. My girlfriend wants to make love all the time - three, four, sometimes even six times a night! She wakes me up at all hours. I don't know what to do!"

              An old gentleman in his seventies, sitting a few bar stools down, overhears their conversation.

              He looked over at the two men and, showing the wisdom of his age, says,

              "Marry her, that'll put an end to that nonsense!"

              “I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.” ~Winston S. Churchill

              1 Reply Last reply
              • jon-nycJ Offline
                jon-nycJ Offline
                jon-nyc
                wrote on last edited by
                #993

                Lol

                Only non-witches get due process.

                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                1 Reply Last reply
                • jon-nycJ Offline
                  jon-nycJ Offline
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on last edited by jon-nyc
                  #994

                  I want my kid to have everything I couldn’t afford.

                  Then I want to move in with him.

                  Only non-witches get due process.

                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • jon-nycJ Offline
                    jon-nycJ Offline
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #995

                    I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for quality or training purposes.

                    Only non-witches get due process.

                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • jon-nycJ Offline
                      jon-nycJ Offline
                      jon-nyc
                      wrote last edited by
                      #996

                      I often wonder who Pete is and why we do things for his sake.

                      Only non-witches get due process.

                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                      LuFins DadL 1 Reply Last reply
                      • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                        I often wonder who Pete is and why we do things for his sake.

                        LuFins DadL Offline
                        LuFins DadL Offline
                        LuFins Dad
                        wrote last edited by
                        #997

                        @jon-nyc said in So....:

                        I often wonder who Pete is and why we do things for his sake.

                        I always wonder what Will did to make the the Army always fire at him.

                        The Brad

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • jon-nycJ Offline
                          jon-nycJ Offline
                          jon-nyc
                          wrote last edited by
                          #998

                          The only time I ever get asked for sex is on medical forms.

                          Only non-witches get due process.

                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • jon-nycJ Offline
                            jon-nycJ Offline
                            jon-nyc
                            wrote last edited by
                            #999

                            Of all the things that taste like chicken, it’s weird that eggs aren’t one of them.

                            Only non-witches get due process.

                            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                            taiwan_girlT 1 Reply Last reply
                            • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                              Of all the things that taste like chicken, it’s weird that eggs aren’t one of them.

                              taiwan_girlT Offline
                              taiwan_girlT Offline
                              taiwan_girl
                              wrote last edited by
                              #1000

                              @jon-nyc 😆 😆

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • jon-nycJ Offline
                                jon-nycJ Offline
                                jon-nyc
                                wrote last edited by
                                #1001

                                I’ve gotten quite good at ventriloquism recently.

                                Scared the shit out of my urologist the other day.

                                Only non-witches get due process.

                                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • MikM Offline
                                  MikM Offline
                                  Mik
                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #1002

                                  The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger...In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days. "Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your FIRST request?'

                                  The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

                                  The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the Horse gallops away.

                                  Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

                                  The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse. But I will still kill you in two days."
                                  "What is your SECOND request?"

                                  The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.

                                  As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.

                                  Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.
                                  She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.

                                  The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.
                                  "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your LAST request?"

                                  The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse...alone."

                                  The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

                                  Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,
                                  "Listen Very Carefully!!!
                                  "FOR...THE...LAST...TIME..."
                                  "BRING POSSE"

                                  “I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.” ~Winston S. Churchill

                                  LuFins DadL 1 Reply Last reply
                                  • jon-nycJ Offline
                                    jon-nycJ Offline
                                    jon-nyc
                                    wrote last edited by
                                    #1003

                                    Everyone told Sam not to sing.

                                    But Samsung anyway.

                                    Only non-witches get due process.

                                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • MikM Mik

                                      The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger...In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days. "Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your FIRST request?'

                                      The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

                                      The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the Horse gallops away.

                                      Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

                                      The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse. But I will still kill you in two days."
                                      "What is your SECOND request?"

                                      The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.

                                      As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.

                                      Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.
                                      She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.

                                      The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.
                                      "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your LAST request?"

                                      The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse...alone."

                                      The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

                                      Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,
                                      "Listen Very Carefully!!!
                                      "FOR...THE...LAST...TIME..."
                                      "BRING POSSE"

                                      LuFins DadL Offline
                                      LuFins DadL Offline
                                      LuFins Dad
                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #1004

                                      @Mik said in So....:

                                      The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger...In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days. "Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your FIRST request?'

                                      The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

                                      The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the Horse gallops away.

                                      Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

                                      The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse. But I will still kill you in two days."
                                      "What is your SECOND request?"

                                      The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.

                                      As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.

                                      Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.
                                      She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.

                                      The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.
                                      "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your LAST request?"

                                      The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse...alone."

                                      The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

                                      Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,
                                      "Listen Very Carefully!!!
                                      "FOR...THE...LAST...TIME..."
                                      "BRING POSSE"

                                      The Lone Ranger and Tonto rode into town after a long and hot ride across the desert. The horses were overheated, so Kemosabe told Tonto to run around the horses to generate a breeze while he went into the tavern to get them all something to drink.

                                      The masked lawman was waiting at the bar for two beers and two buckets of water when a guy came into the bar and yelled “Hey! Is that your white horse out there?” The Lone Ranger replied “Sure is, is there a problem?” The guy responded “No, but you left your Injun running”

                                      The Brad

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