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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • George KG Offline
    George KG Offline
    George K
    wrote on last edited by
    #970

    If I owned a dog daycare I would call it Deez Mutts.

    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

    1 Reply Last reply
    • George KG Offline
      George KG Offline
      George K
      wrote on last edited by
      #971

      Bigfoot frequently gets confused for Sasquatch.

      Yeti never complains.

      "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

      The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

      1 Reply Last reply
      • jon-nycJ Offline
        jon-nycJ Offline
        jon-nyc
        wrote on last edited by
        #972

        The sweater I was wearing was picking up a lot of static electricity so I brought it back to the store.

        They gave me a new one free of charge.

        Only non-witches get due process.

        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
        1 Reply Last reply
        • jon-nycJ Offline
          jon-nycJ Offline
          jon-nyc
          wrote on last edited by
          #973

          I miss those weeks in 2020 when it was illegal for people to come near me.

          Only non-witches get due process.

          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
          1 Reply Last reply
          • jon-nycJ Offline
            jon-nycJ Offline
            jon-nyc
            wrote on last edited by
            #974

            Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and eggs we would throw them at the houses of our enemies.

            Only non-witches get due process.

            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
            1 Reply Last reply
            • jon-nycJ Offline
              jon-nycJ Offline
              jon-nyc
              wrote on last edited by
              #975

              I broke an egg making breakfast today.

              The insurance company is sending out an adjuster tomorrow.

              Only non-witches get due process.

              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
              1 Reply Last reply
              • jon-nycJ Offline
                jon-nycJ Offline
                jon-nyc
                wrote on last edited by
                #976

                I made a mushroom risotto from mushrooms I foraged locally.

                Not only was it delicious but a Welsh choir of purple elephants sang the whole Bat Out Of Hell album accompanied by a light show.

                Only non-witches get due process.

                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                1 Reply Last reply
                • jon-nycJ Offline
                  jon-nycJ Offline
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #977

                  I signed up for my company’s 401k.

                  I’m a little nervous though. I’ve never run that far before.

                  Only non-witches get due process.

                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • jon-nycJ Offline
                    jon-nycJ Offline
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #978

                    My wife complains I don't buy her flowers.

                    To be honest, I didn't even know she sold flowers.

                    Only non-witches get due process.

                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • jon-nycJ Offline
                      jon-nycJ Offline
                      jon-nyc
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #979

                      I told my wife I want to be cremated.

                      She made an appointment for Tuesday.

                      Only non-witches get due process.

                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                      taiwan_girlT 1 Reply Last reply
                      • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                        I told my wife I want to be cremated.

                        She made an appointment for Tuesday.

                        taiwan_girlT Offline
                        taiwan_girlT Offline
                        taiwan_girl
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #980

                        @jon-nyc I thought I remembered your joke. 555

                        https://nodebb.the-new-coffee-room.club/topic/98/so/954?_=1740445895930

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • taiwan_girlT taiwan_girl referenced this topic on
                        • jon-nycJ Offline
                          jon-nycJ Offline
                          jon-nyc
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #981

                          Damn.

                          Only non-witches get due process.

                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • jon-nycJ Offline
                            jon-nycJ Offline
                            jon-nyc
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #982

                            A scammer called me and said he had all my passwords.

                            I got a pen and said ‘Thank god for that. What are they?’

                            Only non-witches get due process.

                            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • jon-nycJ Offline
                              jon-nycJ Offline
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #983

                              If I get sent to jail my wife will bail me out.

                              She never lets me finish a sentence.

                              Only non-witches get due process.

                              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • jon-nycJ Offline
                                jon-nycJ Offline
                                jon-nyc
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #984

                                Best thing about sex with an Amish girl?

                                She doesn’t expect you to call the next day.

                                Only non-witches get due process.

                                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • LuFins DadL Offline
                                  LuFins DadL Offline
                                  LuFins Dad
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #985

                                  The doctor told me I had to quit masturbating. I asked her why. She said “because you’re in the middle of a prostate exam, asshole”

                                  The Brad

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • jon-nycJ Offline
                                    jon-nycJ Offline
                                    jon-nyc
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #986

                                    Someone just told me Einstein was a real person.

                                    And all this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist.

                                    Only non-witches get due process.

                                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • A Offline
                                      A Offline
                                      AndyD
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #987

                                      You know dynamite was invented by Alfred Nobel.
                                      At first he didn't have a name for it; then it blew his house up and he said, this stuff's dynamite.

                                      Someone just threw Chinese soup at me.
                                      It was won-ton violence.

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • jon-nycJ Offline
                                        jon-nycJ Offline
                                        jon-nyc
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #988

                                        I thought my new girlfriend might be 'The One'.

                                        But after looking through her underwear drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French Maid's outfit and a Policewoman uniform I've decided, if she can't hold down a job, she's not the right one for me.

                                        Only non-witches get due process.

                                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • jon-nycJ Offline
                                          jon-nycJ Offline
                                          jon-nyc
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #989

                                          So… one of my testicles hangs lower than the other two.

                                          Is this normal?

                                          Only non-witches get due process.

                                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                          1 Reply Last reply
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