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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
1.0k Posts 26 Posters 84.8k Views
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  • J Online
    J Online
    jon-nyc
    wrote on 12 Feb 2025, 16:58 last edited by
    #975

    I broke an egg making breakfast today.

    The insurance company is sending out an adjuster tomorrow.

    Only non-witches get due process.

    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
    1 Reply Last reply
    • J Online
      J Online
      jon-nyc
      wrote on 13 Feb 2025, 23:56 last edited by
      #976

      I made a mushroom risotto from mushrooms I foraged locally.

      Not only was it delicious but a Welsh choir of purple elephants sang the whole Bat Out Of Hell album accompanied by a light show.

      Only non-witches get due process.

      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
      1 Reply Last reply
      • J Online
        J Online
        jon-nyc
        wrote on 18 Feb 2025, 13:26 last edited by
        #977

        I signed up for my company’s 401k.

        I’m a little nervous though. I’ve never run that far before.

        Only non-witches get due process.

        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
        1 Reply Last reply
        • J Online
          J Online
          jon-nyc
          wrote on 20 Feb 2025, 04:58 last edited by
          #978

          My wife complains I don't buy her flowers.

          To be honest, I didn't even know she sold flowers.

          Only non-witches get due process.

          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
          1 Reply Last reply
          • J Online
            J Online
            jon-nyc
            wrote on 24 Feb 2025, 12:33 last edited by
            #979

            I told my wife I want to be cremated.

            She made an appointment for Tuesday.

            Only non-witches get due process.

            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
            T 1 Reply Last reply 25 Feb 2025, 01:22
            • J jon-nyc
              24 Feb 2025, 12:33

              I told my wife I want to be cremated.

              She made an appointment for Tuesday.

              T Offline
              T Offline
              taiwan_girl
              wrote on 25 Feb 2025, 01:22 last edited by
              #980

              @jon-nyc I thought I remembered your joke. 555

              https://nodebb.the-new-coffee-room.club/topic/98/so/954?_=1740445895930

              1 Reply Last reply
              • T taiwan_girl referenced this topic on 25 Feb 2025, 01:22
              • J Online
                J Online
                jon-nyc
                wrote on 25 Feb 2025, 01:46 last edited by
                #981

                Damn.

                Only non-witches get due process.

                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                1 Reply Last reply
                • J Online
                  J Online
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on 17 Mar 2025, 21:07 last edited by
                  #982

                  A scammer called me and said he had all my passwords.

                  I got a pen and said ‘Thank god for that. What are they?’

                  Only non-witches get due process.

                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • J Online
                    J Online
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote on 25 Mar 2025, 22:27 last edited by
                    #983

                    If I get sent to jail my wife will bail me out.

                    She never lets me finish a sentence.

                    Only non-witches get due process.

                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • J Online
                      J Online
                      jon-nyc
                      wrote 29 days ago last edited by
                      #984

                      Best thing about sex with an Amish girl?

                      She doesn’t expect you to call the next day.

                      Only non-witches get due process.

                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • LuFins DadL Offline
                        LuFins DadL Offline
                        LuFins Dad
                        wrote 27 days ago last edited by
                        #985

                        The doctor told me I had to quit masturbating. I asked her why. She said “because you’re in the middle of a prostate exam, asshole”

                        The Brad

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • J Online
                          J Online
                          jon-nyc
                          wrote 27 days ago last edited by
                          #986

                          Someone just told me Einstein was a real person.

                          And all this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist.

                          Only non-witches get due process.

                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • A Offline
                            A Offline
                            AndyD
                            wrote 27 days ago last edited by
                            #987

                            You know dynamite was invented by Alfred Nobel.
                            At first he didn't have a name for it; then it blew his house up and he said, this stuff's dynamite.

                            Someone just threw Chinese soup at me.
                            It was won-ton violence.

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • J Online
                              J Online
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote 26 days ago last edited by
                              #988

                              I thought my new girlfriend might be 'The One'.

                              But after looking through her underwear drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French Maid's outfit and a Policewoman uniform I've decided, if she can't hold down a job, she's not the right one for me.

                              Only non-witches get due process.

                              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • J Online
                                J Online
                                jon-nyc
                                wrote 21 days ago last edited by
                                #989

                                So… one of my testicles hangs lower than the other two.

                                Is this normal?

                                Only non-witches get due process.

                                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • J Online
                                  J Online
                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote 18 days ago last edited by
                                  #990

                                  Yesterday I didn't take a nap.

                                  Pulled an all-dayer.

                                  Only non-witches get due process.

                                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • J Online
                                    J Online
                                    jon-nyc
                                    wrote 14 days ago last edited by
                                    #991

                                    12 years ago today my friend Dave came out running and screaming “IT’S A BOY!!!” with tears streaming down his face.

                                    We’ve never been back to Thailand since.

                                    Only non-witches get due process.

                                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • MikM Offline
                                      MikM Offline
                                      Mik
                                      wrote 13 days ago last edited by
                                      #992

                                      Two guys in their mid-twenties are sitting at a bar having a beer.

                                      One of the guys remarks to the other,

                                      "Boy, you look tired!"

                                      His friend replies, "Dude, I'm exhausted. My girlfriend wants to make love all the time - three, four, sometimes even six times a night! She wakes me up at all hours. I don't know what to do!"

                                      An old gentleman in his seventies, sitting a few bar stools down, overhears their conversation.

                                      He looked over at the two men and, showing the wisdom of his age, says,

                                      "Marry her, that'll put an end to that nonsense!"

                                      “I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.” ~Winston S. Churchill

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • J Online
                                        J Online
                                        jon-nyc
                                        wrote 13 days ago last edited by
                                        #993

                                        Lol

                                        Only non-witches get due process.

                                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • J Online
                                          J Online
                                          jon-nyc
                                          wrote 13 days ago last edited by jon-nyc
                                          #994

                                          I want my kid to have everything I couldn’t afford.

                                          Then I want to move in with him.

                                          Only non-witches get due process.

                                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                          1 Reply Last reply
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