So....
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wrote on 13 Feb 2022, 12:48 last edited by
An old woman walked up to a saloon in the old west and tied her old mule to the hitching post.
As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, “Hey old woman, have you ever danced?”
The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No,… I never did dance… never really wanted to.”
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said “Well, you old bag, you’re gonna dance now,” and started shooting at the old woman’s feet. The old woman prospector — not wanting to get her toe blown off –started hopping around.
Everybody was laughing. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air, and the crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds, too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.
The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old woman’s hands, as she quietly said, “Son, have you ever kissed a mule’s ass?”The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, “No m’am… but i’ve always wanted to."
There are five lessons here for all of us:
1 – Never be arrogant.
2 – Don’t waste ammunition.
3 – Whiskey makes you think you’re smarter than you are.
4 – Always make sure you know who has the power.
5 – Don’t mess with old women; they didn’t get old by being stupid. -
wrote on 13 Feb 2022, 19:56 last edited by
My favorite childhood memory was building sand castles with grandpa.
Until mom came and took the urn away.
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wrote on 14 Feb 2022, 15:20 last edited by
Beware the scams out there!
I ordered jewelry for my wife for Valentines and they sent me a new fishing rod.
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wrote on 15 Feb 2022, 23:22 last edited by
I’m so unlucky when it comes to love….
I asked a blind girl out yesterday and she told me she was seeing somebody.
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wrote on 15 Feb 2022, 23:52 last edited by
How do you get a gender studies major off your doorstep?
Pay for the fucking pizza.
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wrote on 16 Feb 2022, 12:18 last edited by
Did you hear that the US Olympic bobsled team put a picture of Joe Biden on the front of their bobsled?
Yeah, they figured nothing can make America go downhill faster.
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wrote on 17 Feb 2022, 04:34 last edited by
So… I’m currently in a love triangle.
I love this girl, she loves nobody, and nobody loves me.
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wrote on 17 Feb 2022, 22:47 last edited by
I don't really like cocaine, I just love the way it smells.
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wrote on 17 Feb 2022, 22:53 last edited by jon-nyc
Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight. The loser had wear his underwear over his clothes for the rest of his life.
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wrote on 17 Feb 2022, 23:58 last edited by
I just landed a senior role at Old McDonalds farm.
I’m the CIEIO.
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wrote on 20 Feb 2022, 09:29 last edited by
What’s the difference between a cult and a religion?
In a cult, there’s a guy at the top who knows it’s all a scam.
In a religion, that guy is dead.
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wrote on 20 Feb 2022, 15:32 last edited by
During a recent password audit, a blonde woman was discovered to have the password “MickeyMinnieGoofyHueyDeweyLouisDonaldDaffySacramento”
When asked why she said “they said it needed to be eight characters and a capital”.
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wrote on 20 Feb 2022, 15:38 last edited by
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan.
They got all excited and asked if I knew how to drive a truck.
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During a recent password audit, a blonde woman was discovered to have the password “MickeyMinnieGoofyHueyDeweyLouisDonaldDaffySacramento”
When asked why she said “they said it needed to be eight characters and a capital”.
wrote on 20 Feb 2022, 15:40 last edited byDuring a recent password audit, a blonde woman was discovered to have the password “MickeyMinnieGoofyHueyDeweyLouisDonaldDaffySacramento”
When asked why she said “they said it needed to be eight characters and a capital”.
The eight characters are fine but Sacramento is too correct.
Perhaps make it Los Angeles or San Francisco or New York City. -
wrote on 20 Feb 2022, 16:07 last edited by
When I’m bored I’ll call the local Best Western hotel.
When they pick up the phone and say “Best Western,” I say “True Grit with John Wayne” and hang up.
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wrote on 20 Feb 2022, 23:44 last edited by
I sold my vacuum the other day.
All it was doing was collecting dust.
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wrote on 21 Feb 2022, 01:21 last edited by
It's not that I like cocaine, really. I just love the way it smells.
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wrote on 21 Feb 2022, 01:23 last edited by
sold my vacuum the other day.
All it was doing was collecting dust.A tip of the virtual hat to everyone here who didn't descend into the "sucks" jokes.
@Aqua-s-Sister , I'm NOT looking at you.
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wrote on 21 Feb 2022, 01:57 last edited by
Queen Pasiphae of Crete gave birth to the Minotaur, violating Bart Simpson's famous maxim "Don't have a cow-man"
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wrote on 21 Feb 2022, 14:17 last edited by
Heavy storm over Liverpool today so they canceled all flights in and out of John Lennon Airport.
Imagine all the people…