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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • George KG Offline
    George KG Offline
    George K
    wrote on last edited by
    #511

    An old woman walked up to a saloon in the old west and tied her old mule to the hitching post.

    As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, “Hey old woman, have you ever danced?”

    The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No,… I never did dance… never really wanted to.”

    A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said “Well, you old bag, you’re gonna dance now,” and started shooting at the old woman’s feet. The old woman prospector — not wanting to get her toe blown off –started hopping around.

    Everybody was laughing. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

    The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air, and the crowd stopped laughing immediately.

    The young gunslinger heard the sounds, too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.
    The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old woman’s hands, as she quietly said, “Son, have you ever kissed a mule’s ass?”

    The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, “No m’am… but i’ve always wanted to."

    There are five lessons here for all of us:

    1 – Never be arrogant.
    2 – Don’t waste ammunition.
    3 – Whiskey makes you think you’re smarter than you are.
    4 – Always make sure you know who has the power.
    5 – Don’t mess with old women; they didn’t get old by being stupid.

    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

    1 Reply Last reply
    • jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nyc
      wrote on last edited by
      #512

      My favorite childhood memory was building sand castles with grandpa.

      Until mom came and took the urn away.

      Only non-witches get due process.

      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
      1 Reply Last reply
      • jon-nycJ Offline
        jon-nycJ Offline
        jon-nyc
        wrote on last edited by
        #513

        Beware the scams out there!

        I ordered jewelry for my wife for Valentines and they sent me a new fishing rod.

        Only non-witches get due process.

        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
        1 Reply Last reply
        • jon-nycJ Offline
          jon-nycJ Offline
          jon-nyc
          wrote on last edited by
          #514

          I’m so unlucky when it comes to love….

          I asked a blind girl out yesterday and she told me she was seeing somebody.

          Only non-witches get due process.

          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
          1 Reply Last reply
          • jon-nycJ Offline
            jon-nycJ Offline
            jon-nyc
            wrote on last edited by
            #515

            How do you get a gender studies major off your doorstep?

            Pay for the fucking pizza.

            Only non-witches get due process.

            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
            1 Reply Last reply
            • George KG Offline
              George KG Offline
              George K
              wrote on last edited by
              #516

              Did you hear that the US Olympic bobsled team put a picture of Joe Biden on the front of their bobsled?

              Yeah, they figured nothing can make America go downhill faster.

              "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

              The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

              1 Reply Last reply
              • jon-nycJ Offline
                jon-nycJ Offline
                jon-nyc
                wrote on last edited by
                #517

                So… I’m currently in a love triangle.

                I love this girl, she loves nobody, and nobody loves me.

                Only non-witches get due process.

                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                1 Reply Last reply
                • jon-nycJ Offline
                  jon-nycJ Offline
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #518

                  I don't really like cocaine, I just love the way it smells.

                  Only non-witches get due process.

                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • jon-nycJ Offline
                    jon-nycJ Offline
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote on last edited by jon-nyc
                    #519

                    Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight. The loser had wear his underwear over his clothes for the rest of his life.

                    Only non-witches get due process.

                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • jon-nycJ Offline
                      jon-nycJ Offline
                      jon-nyc
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #520

                      I just landed a senior role at Old McDonalds farm.

                      I’m the CIEIO.

                      Only non-witches get due process.

                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • jon-nycJ Offline
                        jon-nycJ Offline
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #521

                        What’s the difference between a cult and a religion?

                        In a cult, there’s a guy at the top who knows it’s all a scam.

                        In a religion, that guy is dead.

                        Only non-witches get due process.

                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • jon-nycJ Offline
                          jon-nycJ Offline
                          jon-nyc
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #522

                          During a recent password audit, a blonde woman was discovered to have the password “MickeyMinnieGoofyHueyDeweyLouisDonaldDaffySacramento”

                          When asked why she said “they said it needed to be eight characters and a capital”.

                          Only non-witches get due process.

                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                          AxtremusA 1 Reply Last reply
                          • jon-nycJ Offline
                            jon-nycJ Offline
                            jon-nyc
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #523

                            I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan.

                            They got all excited and asked if I knew how to drive a truck.

                            Only non-witches get due process.

                            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                              During a recent password audit, a blonde woman was discovered to have the password “MickeyMinnieGoofyHueyDeweyLouisDonaldDaffySacramento”

                              When asked why she said “they said it needed to be eight characters and a capital”.

                              AxtremusA Offline
                              AxtremusA Offline
                              Axtremus
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #524

                              @jon-nyc said in So....:

                              During a recent password audit, a blonde woman was discovered to have the password “MickeyMinnieGoofyHueyDeweyLouisDonaldDaffySacramento”

                              When asked why she said “they said it needed to be eight characters and a capital”.

                              The eight characters are fine but Sacramento is too correct.
                              Perhaps make it Los Angeles or San Francisco or New York City.

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • jon-nycJ Offline
                                jon-nycJ Offline
                                jon-nyc
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #525

                                When I’m bored I’ll call the local Best Western hotel.

                                When they pick up the phone and say “Best Western,” I say “True Grit with John Wayne” and hang up.

                                Only non-witches get due process.

                                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                IvorythumperI 1 Reply Last reply
                                • jon-nycJ Offline
                                  jon-nycJ Offline
                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #526

                                  I sold my vacuum the other day.

                                  All it was doing was collecting dust.

                                  Only non-witches get due process.

                                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                  George KG 1 Reply Last reply
                                  • jon-nycJ Offline
                                    jon-nycJ Offline
                                    jon-nyc
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #527

                                    It's not that I like cocaine, really. I just love the way it smells.

                                    Only non-witches get due process.

                                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                                      I sold my vacuum the other day.

                                      All it was doing was collecting dust.

                                      George KG Offline
                                      George KG Offline
                                      George K
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #528

                                      @jon-nyc said in So....:

                                      sold my vacuum the other day.
                                      All it was doing was collecting dust.

                                      A tip of the virtual hat to everyone here who didn't descend into the "sucks" jokes.

                                      @Aqua-s-Sister , I'm NOT looking at you.

                                      "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                      The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • jon-nycJ Offline
                                        jon-nycJ Offline
                                        jon-nyc
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #529

                                        Queen Pasiphae of Crete gave birth to the Minotaur, violating Bart Simpson's famous maxim "Don't have a cow-man"

                                        Only non-witches get due process.

                                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • jon-nycJ Offline
                                          jon-nycJ Offline
                                          jon-nyc
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #530

                                          Heavy storm over Liverpool today so they canceled all flights in and out of John Lennon Airport.

                                          Imagine all the people…

                                          Only non-witches get due process.

                                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                          1 Reply Last reply
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