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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
1.0k Posts 26 Posters 84.8k Views
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  • J Offline
    J Offline
    jon-nyc
    wrote on 20 Feb 2025, 04:58 last edited by
    #978

    My wife complains I don't buy her flowers.

    To be honest, I didn't even know she sold flowers.

    Only non-witches get due process.

    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
    1 Reply Last reply
    • J Offline
      J Offline
      jon-nyc
      wrote on 24 Feb 2025, 12:33 last edited by
      #979

      I told my wife I want to be cremated.

      She made an appointment for Tuesday.

      Only non-witches get due process.

      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
      T 1 Reply Last reply 25 Feb 2025, 01:22
      • J jon-nyc
        24 Feb 2025, 12:33

        I told my wife I want to be cremated.

        She made an appointment for Tuesday.

        T Offline
        T Offline
        taiwan_girl
        wrote on 25 Feb 2025, 01:22 last edited by
        #980

        @jon-nyc I thought I remembered your joke. 555

        https://nodebb.the-new-coffee-room.club/topic/98/so/954?_=1740445895930

        1 Reply Last reply
        • T taiwan_girl referenced this topic on 25 Feb 2025, 01:22
        • J Offline
          J Offline
          jon-nyc
          wrote on 25 Feb 2025, 01:46 last edited by
          #981

          Damn.

          Only non-witches get due process.

          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
          1 Reply Last reply
          • J Offline
            J Offline
            jon-nyc
            wrote on 17 Mar 2025, 21:07 last edited by
            #982

            A scammer called me and said he had all my passwords.

            I got a pen and said ‘Thank god for that. What are they?’

            Only non-witches get due process.

            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
            1 Reply Last reply
            • J Offline
              J Offline
              jon-nyc
              wrote on 25 Mar 2025, 22:27 last edited by
              #983

              If I get sent to jail my wife will bail me out.

              She never lets me finish a sentence.

              Only non-witches get due process.

              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
              1 Reply Last reply
              • J Offline
                J Offline
                jon-nyc
                wrote 29 days ago last edited by
                #984

                Best thing about sex with an Amish girl?

                She doesn’t expect you to call the next day.

                Only non-witches get due process.

                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                1 Reply Last reply
                • L Offline
                  L Offline
                  LuFins Dad
                  wrote 27 days ago last edited by
                  #985

                  The doctor told me I had to quit masturbating. I asked her why. She said “because you’re in the middle of a prostate exam, asshole”

                  The Brad

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • J Offline
                    J Offline
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote 27 days ago last edited by
                    #986

                    Someone just told me Einstein was a real person.

                    And all this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist.

                    Only non-witches get due process.

                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • A Offline
                      A Offline
                      AndyD
                      wrote 27 days ago last edited by
                      #987

                      You know dynamite was invented by Alfred Nobel.
                      At first he didn't have a name for it; then it blew his house up and he said, this stuff's dynamite.

                      Someone just threw Chinese soup at me.
                      It was won-ton violence.

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • J Offline
                        J Offline
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote 26 days ago last edited by
                        #988

                        I thought my new girlfriend might be 'The One'.

                        But after looking through her underwear drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French Maid's outfit and a Policewoman uniform I've decided, if she can't hold down a job, she's not the right one for me.

                        Only non-witches get due process.

                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • J Offline
                          J Offline
                          jon-nyc
                          wrote 21 days ago last edited by
                          #989

                          So… one of my testicles hangs lower than the other two.

                          Is this normal?

                          Only non-witches get due process.

                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • J Offline
                            J Offline
                            jon-nyc
                            wrote 18 days ago last edited by
                            #990

                            Yesterday I didn't take a nap.

                            Pulled an all-dayer.

                            Only non-witches get due process.

                            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • J Offline
                              J Offline
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote 15 days ago last edited by
                              #991

                              12 years ago today my friend Dave came out running and screaming “IT’S A BOY!!!” with tears streaming down his face.

                              We’ve never been back to Thailand since.

                              Only non-witches get due process.

                              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • MikM Offline
                                MikM Offline
                                Mik
                                wrote 13 days ago last edited by
                                #992

                                Two guys in their mid-twenties are sitting at a bar having a beer.

                                One of the guys remarks to the other,

                                "Boy, you look tired!"

                                His friend replies, "Dude, I'm exhausted. My girlfriend wants to make love all the time - three, four, sometimes even six times a night! She wakes me up at all hours. I don't know what to do!"

                                An old gentleman in his seventies, sitting a few bar stools down, overhears their conversation.

                                He looked over at the two men and, showing the wisdom of his age, says,

                                "Marry her, that'll put an end to that nonsense!"

                                “I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.” ~Winston S. Churchill

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • J Offline
                                  J Offline
                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote 13 days ago last edited by
                                  #993

                                  Lol

                                  Only non-witches get due process.

                                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • J Offline
                                    J Offline
                                    jon-nyc
                                    wrote 13 days ago last edited by jon-nyc
                                    #994

                                    I want my kid to have everything I couldn’t afford.

                                    Then I want to move in with him.

                                    Only non-witches get due process.

                                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • J Offline
                                      J Offline
                                      jon-nyc
                                      wrote 10 days ago last edited by
                                      #995

                                      I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for quality or training purposes.

                                      Only non-witches get due process.

                                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • J Offline
                                        J Offline
                                        jon-nyc
                                        wrote 7 days ago last edited by
                                        #996

                                        I often wonder who Pete is and why we do things for his sake.

                                        Only non-witches get due process.

                                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                        L 1 Reply Last reply 7 days ago
                                        • J jon-nyc
                                          7 days ago

                                          I often wonder who Pete is and why we do things for his sake.

                                          L Offline
                                          L Offline
                                          LuFins Dad
                                          wrote 7 days ago last edited by
                                          #997

                                          @jon-nyc said in So....:

                                          I often wonder who Pete is and why we do things for his sake.

                                          I always wonder what Will did to make the the Army always fire at him.

                                          The Brad

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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