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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • G Offline
    G Offline
    George K
    wrote on 23 Jan 2025, 01:30 last edited by
    #970

    If I owned a dog daycare I would call it Deez Mutts.

    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

    1 Reply Last reply
    • G Offline
      G Offline
      George K
      wrote on 25 Jan 2025, 23:31 last edited by
      #971

      Bigfoot frequently gets confused for Sasquatch.

      Yeti never complains.

      "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

      The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

      1 Reply Last reply
      • J Offline
        J Offline
        jon-nyc
        wrote on 5 Feb 2025, 02:29 last edited by
        #972

        The sweater I was wearing was picking up a lot of static electricity so I brought it back to the store.

        They gave me a new one free of charge.

        They’ll end up, after a lot of drama, with the same formula they use every time they have a trifecta: take away health care and food assistance from low income families and use the money to fund tax cuts for their donors.

        1 Reply Last reply
        • J Offline
          J Offline
          jon-nyc
          wrote on 6 Feb 2025, 20:12 last edited by
          #973

          I miss those weeks in 2020 when it was illegal for people to come near me.

          They’ll end up, after a lot of drama, with the same formula they use every time they have a trifecta: take away health care and food assistance from low income families and use the money to fund tax cuts for their donors.

          1 Reply Last reply
          • J Offline
            J Offline
            jon-nyc
            wrote on 11 Feb 2025, 02:45 last edited by
            #974

            Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and eggs we would throw them at the houses of our enemies.

            They’ll end up, after a lot of drama, with the same formula they use every time they have a trifecta: take away health care and food assistance from low income families and use the money to fund tax cuts for their donors.

            1 Reply Last reply
            • J Offline
              J Offline
              jon-nyc
              wrote on 12 Feb 2025, 16:58 last edited by
              #975

              I broke an egg making breakfast today.

              The insurance company is sending out an adjuster tomorrow.

              They’ll end up, after a lot of drama, with the same formula they use every time they have a trifecta: take away health care and food assistance from low income families and use the money to fund tax cuts for their donors.

              1 Reply Last reply
              • J Offline
                J Offline
                jon-nyc
                wrote on 13 Feb 2025, 23:56 last edited by
                #976

                I made a mushroom risotto from mushrooms I foraged locally.

                Not only was it delicious but a Welsh choir of purple elephants sang the whole Bat Out Of Hell album accompanied by a light show.

                They’ll end up, after a lot of drama, with the same formula they use every time they have a trifecta: take away health care and food assistance from low income families and use the money to fund tax cuts for their donors.

                1 Reply Last reply
                • J Offline
                  J Offline
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on 18 Feb 2025, 13:26 last edited by
                  #977

                  I signed up for my company’s 401k.

                  I’m a little nervous though. I’ve never run that far before.

                  They’ll end up, after a lot of drama, with the same formula they use every time they have a trifecta: take away health care and food assistance from low income families and use the money to fund tax cuts for their donors.

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • J Offline
                    J Offline
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote on 20 Feb 2025, 04:58 last edited by
                    #978

                    My wife complains I don't buy her flowers.

                    To be honest, I didn't even know she sold flowers.

                    They’ll end up, after a lot of drama, with the same formula they use every time they have a trifecta: take away health care and food assistance from low income families and use the money to fund tax cuts for their donors.

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • J Offline
                      J Offline
                      jon-nyc
                      wrote on 24 Feb 2025, 12:33 last edited by
                      #979

                      I told my wife I want to be cremated.

                      She made an appointment for Tuesday.

                      They’ll end up, after a lot of drama, with the same formula they use every time they have a trifecta: take away health care and food assistance from low income families and use the money to fund tax cuts for their donors.

                      taiwan_girlT 1 Reply Last reply 25 Feb 2025, 01:22
                      • J jon-nyc
                        24 Feb 2025, 12:33

                        I told my wife I want to be cremated.

                        She made an appointment for Tuesday.

                        taiwan_girlT Offline
                        taiwan_girlT Offline
                        taiwan_girl
                        wrote on 25 Feb 2025, 01:22 last edited by
                        #980

                        @jon-nyc I thought I remembered your joke. 555

                        https://nodebb.the-new-coffee-room.club/topic/98/so/954?_=1740445895930

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • taiwan_girlT taiwan_girl referenced this topic on 25 Feb 2025, 01:22
                        • J Offline
                          J Offline
                          jon-nyc
                          wrote on 25 Feb 2025, 01:46 last edited by
                          #981

                          Damn.

                          They’ll end up, after a lot of drama, with the same formula they use every time they have a trifecta: take away health care and food assistance from low income families and use the money to fund tax cuts for their donors.

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • J Offline
                            J Offline
                            jon-nyc
                            wrote on 17 Mar 2025, 21:07 last edited by
                            #982

                            A scammer called me and said he had all my passwords.

                            I got a pen and said ‘Thank god for that. What are they?’

                            They’ll end up, after a lot of drama, with the same formula they use every time they have a trifecta: take away health care and food assistance from low income families and use the money to fund tax cuts for their donors.

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • J Offline
                              J Offline
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote on 25 Mar 2025, 22:27 last edited by
                              #983

                              If I get sent to jail my wife will bail me out.

                              She never lets me finish a sentence.

                              They’ll end up, after a lot of drama, with the same formula they use every time they have a trifecta: take away health care and food assistance from low income families and use the money to fund tax cuts for their donors.

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • J Offline
                                J Offline
                                jon-nyc
                                wrote on 11 Apr 2025, 16:26 last edited by
                                #984

                                Best thing about sex with an Amish girl?

                                She doesn’t expect you to call the next day.

                                They’ll end up, after a lot of drama, with the same formula they use every time they have a trifecta: take away health care and food assistance from low income families and use the money to fund tax cuts for their donors.

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • LuFins DadL Offline
                                  LuFins DadL Offline
                                  LuFins Dad
                                  wrote on 13 Apr 2025, 16:48 last edited by
                                  #985

                                  The doctor told me I had to quit masturbating. I asked her why. She said “because you’re in the middle of a prostate exam, asshole”

                                  The Brad

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • J Offline
                                    J Offline
                                    jon-nyc
                                    wrote on 13 Apr 2025, 18:28 last edited by
                                    #986

                                    Someone just told me Einstein was a real person.

                                    And all this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist.

                                    They’ll end up, after a lot of drama, with the same formula they use every time they have a trifecta: take away health care and food assistance from low income families and use the money to fund tax cuts for their donors.

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • A Offline
                                      A Offline
                                      AndyD
                                      wrote on 13 Apr 2025, 19:58 last edited by
                                      #987

                                      You know dynamite was invented by Alfred Nobel.
                                      At first he didn't have a name for it; then it blew his house up and he said, this stuff's dynamite.

                                      Someone just threw Chinese soup at me.
                                      It was won-ton violence.

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • J Offline
                                        J Offline
                                        jon-nyc
                                        wrote on 14 Apr 2025, 17:57 last edited by
                                        #988

                                        I thought my new girlfriend might be 'The One'.

                                        But after looking through her underwear drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French Maid's outfit and a Policewoman uniform I've decided, if she can't hold down a job, she's not the right one for me.

                                        They’ll end up, after a lot of drama, with the same formula they use every time they have a trifecta: take away health care and food assistance from low income families and use the money to fund tax cuts for their donors.

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • J Offline
                                          J Offline
                                          jon-nyc
                                          wrote on 20 Apr 2025, 08:10 last edited by
                                          #989

                                          So… one of my testicles hangs lower than the other two.

                                          Is this normal?

                                          They’ll end up, after a lot of drama, with the same formula they use every time they have a trifecta: take away health care and food assistance from low income families and use the money to fund tax cuts for their donors.

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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