So....
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wrote on 16 Jan 2025, 23:43 last edited by
My wife calls me her sex machine all the time.
Well technically she says "You're a fucking tool" but I get what she means.
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wrote on 23 Jan 2025, 01:30 last edited by
If I owned a dog daycare I would call it Deez Mutts.
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wrote on 25 Jan 2025, 23:31 last edited by
Bigfoot frequently gets confused for Sasquatch.
Yeti never complains.
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wrote on 5 Feb 2025, 02:29 last edited by
The sweater I was wearing was picking up a lot of static electricity so I brought it back to the store.
They gave me a new one free of charge.
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wrote on 6 Feb 2025, 20:12 last edited by
I miss those weeks in 2020 when it was illegal for people to come near me.
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wrote on 11 Feb 2025, 02:45 last edited by
Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and eggs we would throw them at the houses of our enemies.
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wrote on 12 Feb 2025, 16:58 last edited by
I broke an egg making breakfast today.
The insurance company is sending out an adjuster tomorrow.
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wrote on 13 Feb 2025, 23:56 last edited by
I made a mushroom risotto from mushrooms I foraged locally.
Not only was it delicious but a Welsh choir of purple elephants sang the whole Bat Out Of Hell album accompanied by a light show.
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wrote on 18 Feb 2025, 13:26 last edited by
I signed up for my company’s 401k.
I’m a little nervous though. I’ve never run that far before.
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wrote on 20 Feb 2025, 04:58 last edited by
My wife complains I don't buy her flowers.
To be honest, I didn't even know she sold flowers.
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wrote on 24 Feb 2025, 12:33 last edited by
I told my wife I want to be cremated.
She made an appointment for Tuesday.
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wrote on 25 Feb 2025, 01:22 last edited by
@jon-nyc I thought I remembered your joke. 555
https://nodebb.the-new-coffee-room.club/topic/98/so/954?_=1740445895930
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T taiwan_girl referenced this topic on 25 Feb 2025, 01:22
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wrote on 25 Feb 2025, 01:46 last edited by
Damn.
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wrote on 17 Mar 2025, 21:07 last edited by
A scammer called me and said he had all my passwords.
I got a pen and said ‘Thank god for that. What are they?’
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wrote on 25 Mar 2025, 22:27 last edited by
If I get sent to jail my wife will bail me out.
She never lets me finish a sentence.
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wrote on 11 Apr 2025, 16:26 last edited by
Best thing about sex with an Amish girl?
She doesn’t expect you to call the next day.
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wrote 29 days ago last edited by
The doctor told me I had to quit masturbating. I asked her why. She said “because you’re in the middle of a prostate exam, asshole”
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wrote 29 days ago last edited by
Someone just told me Einstein was a real person.
And all this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist.
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wrote 29 days ago last edited by
You know dynamite was invented by Alfred Nobel.
At first he didn't have a name for it; then it blew his house up and he said, this stuff's dynamite.Someone just threw Chinese soup at me.
It was won-ton violence. -
wrote 28 days ago last edited by
I thought my new girlfriend might be 'The One'.
But after looking through her underwear drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French Maid's outfit and a Policewoman uniform I've decided, if she can't hold down a job, she's not the right one for me.
