So....

[Catseye3]

Link to video

[Catseye3]

California was the first state to make it illegal to smoke cigarettes indoors. Ever since then, the whole state has been on fire. -- Comic Tommy Drake

[taiwan_girl]

So,

[Jon]

@taiwan_girl said in So....:

So,

Fewer.

[taiwan_girl]

@Jon LOL

[Jon]

I dropped my glasses in the toilet.

Now I can’t see shit.

[Jon]

I saw a microbiologist today.

He was much bigger than I expected.

[George K]

People are moaning about the weather.

At least it’s not snowing.

Imagine shoveling snow in this heat!

[jon-nyc]

There's nothing like putting on a warm pair of underwear fresh from the dryer.

Plus its fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

[jon-nyc]

It occurred to me that in order to not expose his identity, Batman was either driving the Batmobile uninsured or committing insurance fraud.

[George K]

[jon-nyc]

Cop: you were going extremely fast

Me: I was just trying to keep up with traffic.

Cop: But there isn’t any

Me: that’s how far behind I was.

[jon-nyc]

Me: Welcome to my man cave

Proctologist: Please stop calling it that

[George K]

@jon-nyc .

[George K]

My wife says I’m a sex machine.

Actually, she says I'm a "fucking tool" but I know what she means.

[George K]

[jon-nyc]

My friend Dwayne recently moved to Africa.

I miss Dwayne, down in Africa.

[jon-nyc]

I ordered a new axe from overseas.

I always thought it would be cool to have a foreign axe sent.

[George K]

He: My girlfriend started smoking. What should I do?

His Friend: Slow down and use lube.

[Ivorythumper]

There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living.

He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.

Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died.

Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution.

When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair.

The switch was flown, sparks flew and smoke filled the air- but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.

Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free.

And somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people.

The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room- and the man was once again unharmed.

Well, this of course meant that he was free to go. And once again, he somehow manages to get his old job back. To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people.

And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal--three bananas.

"You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat, we're strapping you in and doing this now."

Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped into the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room- and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.

The man looked at the executioner and said "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."