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I can't believe my girlfriend has dumped me just because I don't know how to read proper nouns correctly.
She went off to work and left me a note saying, Nail polish cleaner.
So I did. From behind.
And now I'm single.
California was the first state to make it illegal to smoke cigarettes indoors. Ever since then, the whole state has been on fire. -- Comic Tommy Drake
So,
@taiwan_girl said in So....:
Fewer.
@Jon LOL
I dropped my glasses in the toilet.
Now I can’t see shit.
I saw a microbiologist today.
He was much bigger than I expected.
People are moaning about the weather.
At least it’s not snowing.
Imagine shoveling snow in this heat!
There's nothing like putting on a warm pair of underwear fresh from the dryer.
Plus its fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
It occurred to me that in order to not expose his identity, Batman was either driving the Batmobile uninsured or committing insurance fraud.
Cop: you were going extremely fast
Me: I was just trying to keep up with traffic.
Cop: But there isn’t any
Me: that’s how far behind I was.
Me: Welcome to my man cave
Proctologist: Please stop calling it that
@jon-nyc .
My wife says I’m a sex machine.
Actually, she says I'm a "fucking tool" but I know what she means.
My friend Dwayne recently moved to Africa.
I miss Dwayne, down in Africa.
I ordered a new axe from overseas.
I always thought it would be cool to have a foreign axe sent.
He: My girlfriend started smoking. What should I do?
His Friend: Slow down and use lube.
