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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
1.0k Posts 26 Posters 85.4k Views
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  • jon-nycJ Online
    jon-nycJ Online
    jon-nyc
    wrote on last edited by
    #850

    I must really be getting old.

    Yesterday I was at an antique auction and three people bid on me.

    Only non-witches get due process.

    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
    1 Reply Last reply
    • jon-nycJ Online
      jon-nycJ Online
      jon-nyc
      wrote on last edited by
      #851

      So… my favorite childhood memory is my back not hurting.

      Only non-witches get due process.

      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
      1 Reply Last reply
      • George KG Offline
        George KG Offline
        George K
        wrote on last edited by
        #852

        A U.S. Marine General was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the General decided to pose a question to all assembled.

        He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was “work” and how much of it was “pleasure?”

        A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favor of work.

        A Captain said it was 50%-50%.

        A Lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

        There being no consensus, the General turned to the Private First Class who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for his opinion?

        Without any hesitation, the young Private First Class responded, “Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.”

        The General was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?

        “Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them.”

        "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

        The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

        1 Reply Last reply
        • Catseye3C Offline
          Catseye3C Offline
          Catseye3
          wrote on last edited by
          #853

          Having sex on an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

          Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

          1 Reply Last reply
          • Doctor PhibesD Online
            Doctor PhibesD Online
            Doctor Phibes
            wrote on last edited by
            #854

            A British couple decided to adopt a German baby. They raised him for years, however they began to get worried because he never spoke, and they believed that he was mentally handicapped, going as far as to take him to therapy, which was fruitless. Then, when the child was 8 years old, he had a Strudle, and said "It is a little tepid."

            His parents, of course shocked that he was suddenly speaking, asked: "Wolfgang, why have you never spoken before?", to which the child replied: "Up until now, everything had been satisfactory."

            I was only joking

            1 Reply Last reply
            • George KG Offline
              George KG Offline
              George K
              wrote on last edited by
              #855

              I can't believe my girlfriend has dumped me just because I don't know how to read proper nouns correctly.

              She went off to work and left me a note saying, Nail polish cleaner.

              So I did. From behind.

              And now I'm single.

              "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

              The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

              1 Reply Last reply
              • Catseye3C Offline
                Catseye3C Offline
                Catseye3
                wrote on last edited by
                #856

                Link to video

                Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                1 Reply Last reply
                • Catseye3C Offline
                  Catseye3C Offline
                  Catseye3
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #857

                  California was the first state to make it illegal to smoke cigarettes indoors. Ever since then, the whole state has been on fire. -- Comic Tommy Drake

                  Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • taiwan_girlT Offline
                    taiwan_girlT Offline
                    taiwan_girl
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #858

                    So,

                    alt text

                    JonJ 1 Reply Last reply
                    • taiwan_girlT taiwan_girl

                      So,

                      alt text

                      JonJ Offline
                      JonJ Offline
                      Jon
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #859

                      @taiwan_girl said in So....:

                      So,

                      alt text

                      Fewer.

                      taiwan_girlT 1 Reply Last reply
                      • JonJ Jon

                        @taiwan_girl said in So....:

                        So,

                        alt text

                        Fewer.

                        taiwan_girlT Offline
                        taiwan_girlT Offline
                        taiwan_girl
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #860

                        @Jon LOL

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • JonJ Offline
                          JonJ Offline
                          Jon
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #861

                          I dropped my glasses in the toilet.

                          Now I can’t see shit.

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • JonJ Offline
                            JonJ Offline
                            Jon
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #862

                            I saw a microbiologist today.

                            He was much bigger than I expected.

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • George KG Offline
                              George KG Offline
                              George K
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #863

                              People are moaning about the weather.

                              At least it’s not snowing.

                              Imagine shoveling snow in this heat!

                              "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                              The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • jon-nycJ Online
                                jon-nycJ Online
                                jon-nyc
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #864

                                There's nothing like putting on a warm pair of underwear fresh from the dryer.

                                Plus its fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

                                Only non-witches get due process.

                                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • jon-nycJ Online
                                  jon-nycJ Online
                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #865

                                  It occurred to me that in order to not expose his identity, Batman was either driving the Batmobile uninsured or committing insurance fraud.

                                  Only non-witches get due process.

                                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • George KG Offline
                                    George KG Offline
                                    George K
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #866

                                    image.jpeg

                                    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • jon-nycJ Online
                                      jon-nycJ Online
                                      jon-nyc
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #867

                                      Cop: you were going extremely fast

                                      Me: I was just trying to keep up with traffic.

                                      Cop: But there isn’t any

                                      Me: that’s how far behind I was.

                                      Only non-witches get due process.

                                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • jon-nycJ Online
                                        jon-nycJ Online
                                        jon-nyc
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #868

                                        Me: Welcome to my man cave

                                        Proctologist: Please stop calling it that

                                        Only non-witches get due process.

                                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                        George KG 1 Reply Last reply
                                        • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                                          Me: Welcome to my man cave

                                          Proctologist: Please stop calling it that

                                          George KG Offline
                                          George KG Offline
                                          George K
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #869

                                          @jon-nyc .

                                          alt text

                                          "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                          The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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