So....
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wrote on 19 Jun 2023, 15:26 last edited by
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wrote on 24 Jun 2023, 16:07 last edited by
California was the first state to make it illegal to smoke cigarettes indoors. Ever since then, the whole state has been on fire. -- Comic Tommy Drake
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topic:timeago-later,24 days
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wrote on 19 Jul 2023, 01:27 last edited by
So,
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So,
wrote on 19 Jul 2023, 01:37 last edited by -
wrote on 19 Jul 2023, 01:44 last edited by
@Jon LOL
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wrote on 19 Jul 2023, 11:54 last edited by
I dropped my glasses in the toilet.
Now I can’t see shit.
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topic:timeago-later,7 days
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wrote on 26 Jul 2023, 14:14 last edited by
I saw a microbiologist today.
He was much bigger than I expected.
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wrote on 31 Jul 2023, 00:27 last edited by
People are moaning about the weather.
At least it’s not snowing.
Imagine shoveling snow in this heat!
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topic:timeago-later,16 days
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wrote on 15 Aug 2023, 22:20 last edited by
There's nothing like putting on a warm pair of underwear fresh from the dryer.
Plus its fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
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wrote on 20 Aug 2023, 11:21 last edited by
It occurred to me that in order to not expose his identity, Batman was either driving the Batmobile uninsured or committing insurance fraud.
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topic:timeago-later,7 days
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wrote on 27 Aug 2023, 12:54 last edited by
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wrote on 27 Aug 2023, 16:45 last edited by
Cop: you were going extremely fast
Me: I was just trying to keep up with traffic.
Cop: But there isn’t any
Me: that’s how far behind I was.
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topic:timeago-later,11 days
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wrote on 8 Sept 2023, 00:45 last edited by
Me: Welcome to my man cave
Proctologist: Please stop calling it that
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wrote on 10 Sept 2023, 22:23 last edited by
My wife says I’m a sex machine.
Actually, she says I'm a "fucking tool" but I know what she means.
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wrote on 12 Sept 2023, 21:25 last edited by
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wrote on 18 Sept 2023, 19:41 last edited by
My friend Dwayne recently moved to Africa.
I miss Dwayne, down in Africa.
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topic:timeago-later,11 days
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wrote on 29 Sept 2023, 12:12 last edited by jon-nyc
I ordered a new axe from overseas.
I always thought it would be cool to have a foreign axe sent.
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wrote on 2 Oct 2023, 13:00 last edited by
He: My girlfriend started smoking. What should I do?
His Friend: Slow down and use lube.
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wrote on 5 Oct 2023, 23:14 last edited by
There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living.
He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.
Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died.
Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution.
When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair.
The switch was flown, sparks flew and smoke filled the air- but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.
Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free.
And somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people.
The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room- and the man was once again unharmed.
Well, this of course meant that he was free to go. And once again, he somehow manages to get his old job back. To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people.
And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal--three bananas.
"You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat, we're strapping you in and doing this now."
Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped into the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room- and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.
The man looked at the executioner and said "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."
