So....

[George K]

I can't believe my girlfriend has dumped me just because I don't know how to read proper nouns correctly.

She went off to work and left me a note saying, Nail polish cleaner.

So I did. From behind.

And now I'm single.

[Catseye3]

Link to video

[Catseye3]

California was the first state to make it illegal to smoke cigarettes indoors. Ever since then, the whole state has been on fire. -- Comic Tommy Drake

[taiwan_girl]

So,

[Jon]

@taiwan_girl said in So....:

So,

Fewer.

[taiwan_girl]

@Jon LOL

[Jon]

I dropped my glasses in the toilet.

Now I can’t see shit.

[Jon]

I saw a microbiologist today.

He was much bigger than I expected.

[George K]

People are moaning about the weather.

At least it’s not snowing.

Imagine shoveling snow in this heat!

[jon-nyc]

There's nothing like putting on a warm pair of underwear fresh from the dryer.

Plus its fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

[jon-nyc]

It occurred to me that in order to not expose his identity, Batman was either driving the Batmobile uninsured or committing insurance fraud.

[George K]

[jon-nyc]

Cop: you were going extremely fast

Me: I was just trying to keep up with traffic.

Cop: But there isn’t any

Me: that’s how far behind I was.

[jon-nyc]

Me: Welcome to my man cave

Proctologist: Please stop calling it that

[George K]

@jon-nyc .

[George K]

My wife says I’m a sex machine.

Actually, she says I'm a "fucking tool" but I know what she means.

[George K]

[jon-nyc]

My friend Dwayne recently moved to Africa.

I miss Dwayne, down in Africa.

[jon-nyc]

I ordered a new axe from overseas.

I always thought it would be cool to have a foreign axe sent.

[George K]

He: My girlfriend started smoking. What should I do?

His Friend: Slow down and use lube.