So....
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I told a joke on a zoom meeting and nobody laughed.
Turns out I’m not remotely funny.
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I'll never forget my grandfather's last words....
"Stop shaking the ladder you little prick."
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I must really be getting old.
Yesterday I was at an antique auction and three people bid on me.
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So… my favorite childhood memory is my back not hurting.
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A U.S. Marine General was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the General decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was “work” and how much of it was “pleasure?”
A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favor of work.
A Captain said it was 50%-50%.
A Lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the General turned to the Private First Class who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for his opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young Private First Class responded, “Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.”
The General was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?
“Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them.”
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A British couple decided to adopt a German baby. They raised him for years, however they began to get worried because he never spoke, and they believed that he was mentally handicapped, going as far as to take him to therapy, which was fruitless. Then, when the child was 8 years old, he had a Strudle, and said "It is a little tepid."
His parents, of course shocked that he was suddenly speaking, asked: "Wolfgang, why have you never spoken before?", to which the child replied: "Up until now, everything had been satisfactory."
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So,
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There's nothing like putting on a warm pair of underwear fresh from the dryer.
Plus its fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
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It occurred to me that in order to not expose his identity, Batman was either driving the Batmobile uninsured or committing insurance fraud.
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Cop: you were going extremely fast
Me: I was just trying to keep up with traffic.
Cop: But there isn’t any
Me: that’s how far behind I was.
