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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • jon-nycJ Offline
    jon-nycJ Offline
    jon-nyc
    wrote on last edited by
    #848

    I told a joke on a zoom meeting and nobody laughed.

    Turns out I’m not remotely funny.

    Only non-witches get due process.

    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
    1 Reply Last reply
    • jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nyc
      wrote on last edited by
      #849

      I'll never forget my grandfather's last words....

      "Stop shaking the ladder you little prick."

      Only non-witches get due process.

      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
      1 Reply Last reply
      • jon-nycJ Offline
        jon-nycJ Offline
        jon-nyc
        wrote on last edited by
        #850

        I must really be getting old.

        Yesterday I was at an antique auction and three people bid on me.

        Only non-witches get due process.

        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
        1 Reply Last reply
        • jon-nycJ Offline
          jon-nycJ Offline
          jon-nyc
          wrote on last edited by
          #851

          So… my favorite childhood memory is my back not hurting.

          Only non-witches get due process.

          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
          1 Reply Last reply
          • George KG Offline
            George KG Offline
            George K
            wrote on last edited by
            #852

            A U.S. Marine General was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the General decided to pose a question to all assembled.

            He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was “work” and how much of it was “pleasure?”

            A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favor of work.

            A Captain said it was 50%-50%.

            A Lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

            There being no consensus, the General turned to the Private First Class who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for his opinion?

            Without any hesitation, the young Private First Class responded, “Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.”

            The General was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?

            “Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them.”

            "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

            The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

            1 Reply Last reply
            • Catseye3C Offline
              Catseye3C Offline
              Catseye3
              wrote on last edited by
              #853

              Having sex on an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

              Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

              1 Reply Last reply
              • Doctor PhibesD Offline
                Doctor PhibesD Offline
                Doctor Phibes
                wrote on last edited by
                #854

                A British couple decided to adopt a German baby. They raised him for years, however they began to get worried because he never spoke, and they believed that he was mentally handicapped, going as far as to take him to therapy, which was fruitless. Then, when the child was 8 years old, he had a Strudle, and said "It is a little tepid."

                His parents, of course shocked that he was suddenly speaking, asked: "Wolfgang, why have you never spoken before?", to which the child replied: "Up until now, everything had been satisfactory."

                I was only joking

                1 Reply Last reply
                • George KG Offline
                  George KG Offline
                  George K
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #855

                  I can't believe my girlfriend has dumped me just because I don't know how to read proper nouns correctly.

                  She went off to work and left me a note saying, Nail polish cleaner.

                  So I did. From behind.

                  And now I'm single.

                  "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                  The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • Catseye3C Offline
                    Catseye3C Offline
                    Catseye3
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #856

                    Link to video

                    Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • Catseye3C Offline
                      Catseye3C Offline
                      Catseye3
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #857

                      California was the first state to make it illegal to smoke cigarettes indoors. Ever since then, the whole state has been on fire. -- Comic Tommy Drake

                      Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • taiwan_girlT Offline
                        taiwan_girlT Offline
                        taiwan_girl
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #858

                        So,

                        alt text

                        JonJ 1 Reply Last reply
                        • taiwan_girlT taiwan_girl

                          So,

                          alt text

                          JonJ Offline
                          JonJ Offline
                          Jon
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #859

                          @taiwan_girl said in So....:

                          So,

                          alt text

                          Fewer.

                          taiwan_girlT 1 Reply Last reply
                          • JonJ Jon

                            @taiwan_girl said in So....:

                            So,

                            alt text

                            Fewer.

                            taiwan_girlT Offline
                            taiwan_girlT Offline
                            taiwan_girl
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #860

                            @Jon LOL

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • JonJ Offline
                              JonJ Offline
                              Jon
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #861

                              I dropped my glasses in the toilet.

                              Now I can’t see shit.

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • JonJ Offline
                                JonJ Offline
                                Jon
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #862

                                I saw a microbiologist today.

                                He was much bigger than I expected.

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • George KG Offline
                                  George KG Offline
                                  George K
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #863

                                  People are moaning about the weather.

                                  At least it’s not snowing.

                                  Imagine shoveling snow in this heat!

                                  "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                  The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • jon-nycJ Offline
                                    jon-nycJ Offline
                                    jon-nyc
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #864

                                    There's nothing like putting on a warm pair of underwear fresh from the dryer.

                                    Plus its fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

                                    Only non-witches get due process.

                                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • jon-nycJ Offline
                                      jon-nycJ Offline
                                      jon-nyc
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #865

                                      It occurred to me that in order to not expose his identity, Batman was either driving the Batmobile uninsured or committing insurance fraud.

                                      Only non-witches get due process.

                                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • George KG Offline
                                        George KG Offline
                                        George K
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #866

                                        image.jpeg

                                        "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                        The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • jon-nycJ Offline
                                          jon-nycJ Offline
                                          jon-nyc
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #867

                                          Cop: you were going extremely fast

                                          Me: I was just trying to keep up with traffic.

                                          Cop: But there isn’t any

                                          Me: that’s how far behind I was.

                                          Only non-witches get due process.

                                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                          1 Reply Last reply
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