Skip to content
  • Categories
  • Recent
  • Tags
  • Popular
  • Users
  • Groups
Skins
  • Light
  • Cerulean
  • Cosmo
  • Flatly
  • Journal
  • Litera
  • Lumen
  • Lux
  • Materia
  • Minty
  • Morph
  • Pulse
  • Sandstone
  • Simplex
  • Sketchy
  • Spacelab
  • United
  • Yeti
  • Zephyr
  • Dark
  • Cyborg
  • Darkly
  • Quartz
  • Slate
  • Solar
  • Superhero
  • Vapor

  • Default (No Skin)
  • No Skin
Collapse

The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
998 Posts 26 Posters 84.7k Views
  • Oldest to Newest
  • Newest to Oldest
  • Most Votes
Reply
  • Reply as topic
Log in to reply
This topic has been deleted. Only users with topic management privileges can see it.
  • ImprovisoI Offline
    ImprovisoI Offline
    Improviso
    wrote on last edited by
    #556

    Two women were playing golf.

    One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the
    ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

    The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

    'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physiotherapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me.' she told him.

    'Oh, no, I'll be all right I'll be fine in a few minutes.' the man replied.

    He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid
    them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

    She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked 'How does that feel?'

    He replied, 'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken.

    We have the freedom to choose our actions, but we do not get to choose our consequences.
    Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on.

    1 Reply Last reply
    • jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nyc
      wrote on last edited by
      #557

      So…. my career as a karate instructor was tragically ended when parents found out I was wholly unqualified and just enjoyed kicking children.

      You were warned.

      IvorythumperI 1 Reply Last reply
      • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

        So…. my career as a karate instructor was tragically ended when parents found out I was wholly unqualified and just enjoyed kicking children.

        IvorythumperI Offline
        IvorythumperI Offline
        Ivorythumper
        wrote on last edited by
        #558

        @jon-nyc said in So....:

        So…. my career as a karate instructor was tragically ended when parents found out I was wholly unqualified and just enjoyed kicking children.

        Link to video

        1 Reply Last reply
        • George KG Offline
          George KG Offline
          George K
          wrote on last edited by
          #559

          Is my wife dissatisfied with my body?

          A tiny part of me says yes.

          "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

          The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

          1 Reply Last reply
          • jon-nycJ Offline
            jon-nycJ Offline
            jon-nyc
            wrote on last edited by
            #560

            My new girlfriend was excited when she found out that my friends called me ‘the love machine’.

            Then she found out it’s because I suck at tennis.

            You were warned.

            1 Reply Last reply
            • jon-nycJ Offline
              jon-nycJ Offline
              jon-nyc
              wrote on last edited by
              #561

              Did I ever tell you about the time my dick was in the Guinness Book of World Records?

              So anyway I got kicked out of the library.

              You were warned.

              1 Reply Last reply
              • jon-nycJ Offline
                jon-nycJ Offline
                jon-nyc
                wrote on last edited by
                #562

                So I said to my wife, “why don’t you tell me when you orgasm?

                She said “because you don’t like it when I call you at work.”

                You were warned.

                George KG 1 Reply Last reply
                • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                  So I said to my wife, “why don’t you tell me when you orgasm?

                  She said “because you don’t like it when I call you at work.”

                  George KG Offline
                  George KG Offline
                  George K
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #563

                  @jon-nyc which reminds me of the old joke...

                  Q: Why do women fake orgasms?

                  A: Because they think we care.

                  "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                  The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • LarryL Offline
                    LarryL Offline
                    Larry
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #564

                    This woman was running around trying to get dressed for a dinner party, and they were running late. She just couldn't make up her mind what to wear. Her husband waited patiently..,

                    She came flying through the room and said "I'm so frazzled... I don't know if I'm coming or going.."

                    Her husband says "you must be going. Because when you're coming you look like a Down's Syndrome kid trying to whistle....."

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • jon-nycJ Offline
                      jon-nycJ Offline
                      jon-nyc
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #565

                      When is it too late to have a baby shower?

                      Because my mom never had one for me and I need clothes.

                      You were warned.

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • CopperC Online
                        CopperC Online
                        Copper
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #566

                        Link to video

                        George KG 1 Reply Last reply
                        • CopperC Copper

                          Link to video

                          George KG Offline
                          George KG Offline
                          George K
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #567

                          @Copper Steven Wright was great.

                          Is he still around?

                          "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                          The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                          Catseye3C 1 Reply Last reply
                          • George KG George K

                            @Copper Steven Wright was great.

                            Is he still around?

                            Catseye3C Offline
                            Catseye3C Offline
                            Catseye3
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #568

                            @George-K Is he still around?

                            Alive apparently, but not working???

                            Wright quote: "I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

                            Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • jon-nycJ Offline
                              jon-nycJ Offline
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #569

                              What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

                              She gagged.

                              You were warned.

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • George KG Offline
                                George KG Offline
                                George K
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #570

                                So, when they said, "History repeats itself..."

                                I wasn't expecting the entire 20th century in 2 years.

                                "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • Catseye3C Offline
                                  Catseye3C Offline
                                  Catseye3
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #571

                                  Two cowboys are on the edge of a cliff when they hear the sound of war drums. One cowboy looks at the other and says, "I don't like the sound of those war drums." From below they hear someone shout, "He's not our regular drummer!"

                                  Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • LarryL Offline
                                    LarryL Offline
                                    Larry
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #572

                                    Knock Knock

                                    Who's there

                                    Grandpa

                                    Oh shit! Stop the funeral!!

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • LarryL Offline
                                      LarryL Offline
                                      Larry
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #573

                                      My wife's dog died. I wanted to cheer her up so I went out and bought her another one just like it.

                                      She got so mad at me.

                                      "What am I going to do with 2 dead dogs???"

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • LarryL Offline
                                        LarryL Offline
                                        Larry
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #574

                                        I went to the doctor.. I pulled out my penis and said "I'm a little premature."

                                        She said "I'll say.... I'm the receptionist..."

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • LarryL Offline
                                          LarryL Offline
                                          Larry
                                          wrote on last edited by Larry
                                          #575

                                          I picked this girl up in a bar the other night and we went to a motel. After a few mi tues I said "I'm sorry, but I seem to be having trouble getting an erection."

                                          She said "don't worry about it. That used to happen to me too...."

                                          1 Reply Last reply
                                          Reply
                                          • Reply as topic
                                          Log in to reply
                                          • Oldest to Newest
                                          • Newest to Oldest
                                          • Most Votes


                                          • Login

                                          • Don't have an account? Register

                                          • Login or register to search.
                                          • First post
                                            Last post
                                          0
                                          • Categories
                                          • Recent
                                          • Tags
                                          • Popular
                                          • Users
                                          • Groups