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The New Coffee Room

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  3. Preserving options to have children later in life

Preserving options to have children later in life

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  • K Klaus
    13 Aug 2022, 22:11

    @Aqua-Letifer said in Preserving options to have children later in life:

    @Klaus said in Preserving options to have children later in life:

    I also think it's not a good idea to defer children even more than what's already happening today.

    At some point the age difference between parent and kid, let alone grandparents and kid, gets too big. Old parents worry way too much, tend to be overprotective and are easily stressed out. They can't relate to the world of the child very well.

    I relate to my daughter a shitload better than I do my co-workers, friends and neighbors combined. You are just plain wrong about this.

    I’m talking statistically, not about particular examples.

    Just look at cultures where families are still the central unit of everything. These people get their kids early, and it wouldn’t work any other way.

    Financial security etc. are overrated. Overprotection, too much safety, too much planning and too much money are harmful, not helpful. Grandparents in their 40s or 50s are an asset. Kids profit from some level of chaos and uncertainty.

    Just ask any gynecologist about old parents. You’ll hear the word “complicated’ a lot.

    If I could do this all over again, I’d have started with kids 5 years earlier.

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    L Offline
    LW
    wrote on 13 Aug 2022, 22:18 last edited by
    #27

    @Klaus where are families not the central unit?

    1 Reply Last reply
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      LW
      wrote on 13 Aug 2022, 22:20 last edited by
      #28

      Also, side bar, @Aqua-Letifer I haven't been around in years. How old is your daughter? Belated congratulations!

      A 1 Reply Last reply 13 Aug 2022, 22:34
      • K Klaus
        13 Aug 2022, 22:11

        @Aqua-Letifer said in Preserving options to have children later in life:

        @Klaus said in Preserving options to have children later in life:

        I also think it's not a good idea to defer children even more than what's already happening today.

        At some point the age difference between parent and kid, let alone grandparents and kid, gets too big. Old parents worry way too much, tend to be overprotective and are easily stressed out. They can't relate to the world of the child very well.

        I relate to my daughter a shitload better than I do my co-workers, friends and neighbors combined. You are just plain wrong about this.

        I’m talking statistically, not about particular examples.

        Just look at cultures where families are still the central unit of everything. These people get their kids early, and it wouldn’t work any other way.

        Financial security etc. are overrated. Overprotection, too much safety, too much planning and too much money are harmful, not helpful. Grandparents in their 40s or 50s are an asset. Kids profit from some level of chaos and uncertainty.

        Just ask any gynecologist about old parents. You’ll hear the word “complicated’ a lot.

        If I could do this all over again, I’d have started with kids 5 years earlier.

        A Offline
        A Offline
        Axtremus
        wrote on 13 Aug 2022, 22:24 last edited by
        #29

        @Klaus said in Preserving options to have children later in life:

        Financial security etc. are overrated.

        I do not necessarily disagree with what you say, though I do wonder if different people’s view on “financial security” may be influenced by the social safety nets available to them. I do not know the details for sure, just that I am under the vague impression that Germany has more comprehensive social safety nets compares to the USA, and speculating that this may influence our respective views on the importance of “financial security.”

        1 Reply Last reply
        • K Klaus
          13 Aug 2022, 22:11

          @Aqua-Letifer said in Preserving options to have children later in life:

          @Klaus said in Preserving options to have children later in life:

          I also think it's not a good idea to defer children even more than what's already happening today.

          At some point the age difference between parent and kid, let alone grandparents and kid, gets too big. Old parents worry way too much, tend to be overprotective and are easily stressed out. They can't relate to the world of the child very well.

          I relate to my daughter a shitload better than I do my co-workers, friends and neighbors combined. You are just plain wrong about this.

          I’m talking statistically, not about particular examples.

          Just look at cultures where families are still the central unit of everything. These people get their kids early, and it wouldn’t work any other way.

          Financial security etc. are overrated. Overprotection, too much safety, too much planning and too much money are harmful, not helpful. Grandparents in their 40s or 50s are an asset. Kids profit from some level of chaos and uncertainty.

          Just ask any gynecologist about old parents. You’ll hear the word “complicated’ a lot.

          If I could do this all over again, I’d have started with kids 5 years earlier.

          R Offline
          R Offline
          Renauda
          wrote on 13 Aug 2022, 22:28 last edited by Renauda
          #30

          @Klaus

          Grandparents in their 40s or 50s are an asset.

          You mean free babysitters.

          Elbows up!

          L 1 Reply Last reply 13 Aug 2022, 22:35
          • K Klaus
            13 Aug 2022, 22:11

            @Aqua-Letifer said in Preserving options to have children later in life:

            @Klaus said in Preserving options to have children later in life:

            I also think it's not a good idea to defer children even more than what's already happening today.

            At some point the age difference between parent and kid, let alone grandparents and kid, gets too big. Old parents worry way too much, tend to be overprotective and are easily stressed out. They can't relate to the world of the child very well.

            I relate to my daughter a shitload better than I do my co-workers, friends and neighbors combined. You are just plain wrong about this.

            I’m talking statistically, not about particular examples.

            Just look at cultures where families are still the central unit of everything. These people get their kids early, and it wouldn’t work any other way.

            Financial security etc. are overrated. Overprotection, too much safety, too much planning and too much money are harmful, not helpful. Grandparents in their 40s or 50s are an asset. Kids profit from some level of chaos and uncertainty.

            Just ask any gynecologist about old parents. You’ll hear the word “complicated’ a lot.

            If I could do this all over again, I’d have started with kids 5 years earlier.

            L Offline
            L Offline
            LW
            wrote on 13 Aug 2022, 22:32 last edited by
            #31

            @Klaus also, in the US we unfortunately have to factor in things like medical costs. It costs quite a bit to have a child here, then there's the child's future medical costs to consider as well. Medical bankruptcy is a thing, and should be considered. I don't see how financial instability is beneficial to children. Some fun chaos, sure. Like moving to a new place or having pets run around the house, or sibling rivalries. Fun chaos.

            1 Reply Last reply
            • L LW
              13 Aug 2022, 22:20

              Also, side bar, @Aqua-Letifer I haven't been around in years. How old is your daughter? Belated congratulations!

              A Offline
              A Offline
              Aqua Letifer
              wrote on 13 Aug 2022, 22:34 last edited by
              #32

              @LW said in Preserving options to have children later in life:

              Also, side bar, @Aqua-Letifer I haven't been around in years. How old is your daughter? Belated congratulations!

              Thanks! Her 4th birthday is in about a week. 🙂

              Please love yourself.

              L 1 Reply Last reply 13 Aug 2022, 22:55
              • R Renauda
                13 Aug 2022, 22:28

                @Klaus

                Grandparents in their 40s or 50s are an asset.

                You mean free babysitters.

                L Offline
                L Offline
                LW
                wrote on 13 Aug 2022, 22:35 last edited by
                #33

                @Renauda I refuse to count on my mom or MIL to be free babysitters. By that, I mean that our primary childcare is daycare, with the grandparents free to have visits whenever. I didn't mean they can't be counted on. I just don't want to make them feel obligated or anything. Come over for a visit or occasional babysitting whenever they wish, no forced schedule.

                R M 2 Replies Last reply 13 Aug 2022, 23:20
                • K Klaus
                  13 Aug 2022, 22:11

                  @Aqua-Letifer said in Preserving options to have children later in life:

                  @Klaus said in Preserving options to have children later in life:

                  I also think it's not a good idea to defer children even more than what's already happening today.

                  At some point the age difference between parent and kid, let alone grandparents and kid, gets too big. Old parents worry way too much, tend to be overprotective and are easily stressed out. They can't relate to the world of the child very well.

                  I relate to my daughter a shitload better than I do my co-workers, friends and neighbors combined. You are just plain wrong about this.

                  I’m talking statistically, not about particular examples.

                  Just look at cultures where families are still the central unit of everything. These people get their kids early, and it wouldn’t work any other way.

                  Financial security etc. are overrated. Overprotection, too much safety, too much planning and too much money are harmful, not helpful. Grandparents in their 40s or 50s are an asset. Kids profit from some level of chaos and uncertainty.

                  Just ask any gynecologist about old parents. You’ll hear the word “complicated’ a lot.

                  If I could do this all over again, I’d have started with kids 5 years earlier.

                  A Offline
                  A Offline
                  Aqua Letifer
                  wrote on 13 Aug 2022, 22:39 last edited by
                  #34

                  @Klaus said in Preserving options to have children later in life:

                  I’m talking statistically, not about particular examples.

                  Fair enough, but I think your objections are often correlated to age, but not caused by it.

                  Financial security etc. are overrated.

                  I agree.

                  Overprotection, too much safety, too much planning and too much money are harmful, not helpful.

                  In my opinion, this is a function of parents living an imbalanced life. When you have little going on outside your family unit—no social clubs, no sports or hobbies, no volunteering—that tends to create overprotection and over-planning.

                  Grandparents in their 40s or 50s are an asset. Kids profit from some level of chaos and uncertainty.

                  Agree. Some chaos, some planning. That's our approach, anyway.

                  Please love yourself.

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • G George K
                    13 Aug 2022, 21:49

                    D1 was born when we were 32. D4 when we were 38.

                    G2 is going to be 4 in a bit, and I'm 72. Too old.

                    L Offline
                    L Offline
                    LW
                    wrote on 13 Aug 2022, 22:40 last edited by
                    #35

                    @George-K I do wish my parents would be able to do more things, and not struggle to get on the floor to play with him, but that's the way our lives turned out. Why do you feel 72 is too old? My mom would agree with you. Some of her friends have great grandchildren now.

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • A Aqua Letifer
                      13 Aug 2022, 22:34

                      @LW said in Preserving options to have children later in life:

                      Also, side bar, @Aqua-Letifer I haven't been around in years. How old is your daughter? Belated congratulations!

                      Thanks! Her 4th birthday is in about a week. 🙂

                      L Offline
                      L Offline
                      LW
                      wrote on 13 Aug 2022, 22:55 last edited by
                      #36

                      @Aqua-Letifer awwww how fun! I'm loving being a parent, and am looking forward to that age and running around playgrounds. However, he is currently sleeping in my arms after a bottle and I love this too.

                      A M 2 Replies Last reply 13 Aug 2022, 23:07
                      • L LW
                        13 Aug 2022, 22:55

                        @Aqua-Letifer awwww how fun! I'm loving being a parent, and am looking forward to that age and running around playgrounds. However, he is currently sleeping in my arms after a bottle and I love this too.

                        A Offline
                        A Offline
                        Aqua Letifer
                        wrote on 13 Aug 2022, 23:07 last edited by
                        #37

                        @LW said in Preserving options to have children later in life:

                        @Aqua-Letifer awwww how fun! I'm loving being a parent, and am looking forward to that age and running around playgrounds. However, he is currently sleeping in my arms after a bottle and I love this too.

                        How old?

                        Please love yourself.

                        L 1 Reply Last reply 13 Aug 2022, 23:38
                        • L LW
                          13 Aug 2022, 22:35

                          @Renauda I refuse to count on my mom or MIL to be free babysitters. By that, I mean that our primary childcare is daycare, with the grandparents free to have visits whenever. I didn't mean they can't be counted on. I just don't want to make them feel obligated or anything. Come over for a visit or occasional babysitting whenever they wish, no forced schedule.

                          R Offline
                          R Offline
                          Renauda
                          wrote on 13 Aug 2022, 23:20 last edited by Renauda
                          #38

                          @LW

                          I know what you mean. We did not have any grandparents or immediate family on whom we could fob off the tyke. In a pinch we had a couple of close friends from my childhood. Still, I can count the number of times we did that on one hand and, then, it was only for a couple hours at most.

                          Elbows up!

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • A Aqua Letifer
                            13 Aug 2022, 23:07

                            @LW said in Preserving options to have children later in life:

                            @Aqua-Letifer awwww how fun! I'm loving being a parent, and am looking forward to that age and running around playgrounds. However, he is currently sleeping in my arms after a bottle and I love this too.

                            How old?

                            L Offline
                            L Offline
                            LW
                            wrote on 13 Aug 2022, 23:38 last edited by
                            #39

                            @Aqua-Letifer five and a half-ish months

                            A R 2 Replies Last reply 14 Aug 2022, 00:16
                            • L LW
                              13 Aug 2022, 23:38

                              @Aqua-Letifer five and a half-ish months

                              A Offline
                              A Offline
                              Aqua Letifer
                              wrote on 14 Aug 2022, 00:16 last edited by
                              #40

                              @LW said in Preserving options to have children later in life:

                              @Aqua-Letifer five and a half-ish months

                              Awesome, congrats!!

                              Please love yourself.

                              L T 2 Replies Last reply 14 Aug 2022, 03:06
                              • A Aqua Letifer
                                14 Aug 2022, 00:16

                                @LW said in Preserving options to have children later in life:

                                @Aqua-Letifer five and a half-ish months

                                Awesome, congrats!!

                                L Offline
                                L Offline
                                LW
                                wrote on 14 Aug 2022, 03:06 last edited by
                                #41

                                @Aqua-Letifer thanks!

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • A Offline
                                  A Offline
                                  Axtremus
                                  wrote on 14 Aug 2022, 03:09 last edited by
                                  #42

                                  +1 congratulations to @LW … didn’t know that you have become a mom until reading this thread. 🙂

                                  L 1 Reply Last reply 14 Aug 2022, 15:23
                                  • F Offline
                                    F Offline
                                    Friday
                                    wrote on 14 Aug 2022, 03:20 last edited by
                                    #43

                                    Congrats LW! Nice to hear from you.

                                    L 1 Reply Last reply 14 Aug 2022, 15:34
                                    • L LW
                                      13 Aug 2022, 23:38

                                      @Aqua-Letifer five and a half-ish months

                                      R Offline
                                      R Offline
                                      Renauda
                                      wrote on 14 Aug 2022, 03:54 last edited by
                                      #44

                                      @LW said in Preserving options to have children later in life:

                                      five and a half-ish months

                                      Congratulations!

                                      Elbows up!

                                      L 1 Reply Last reply 14 Aug 2022, 15:34
                                      • B Offline
                                        B Offline
                                        blondie
                                        wrote on 14 Aug 2022, 03:55 last edited by
                                        #45

                                        Congrats to you LW!

                                        I was way too immature in my 20s to have children. So I’m glad I waited.

                                        L 1 Reply Last reply 14 Aug 2022, 15:35
                                        • B Offline
                                          B Offline
                                          brenda
                                          wrote on 14 Aug 2022, 10:49 last edited by
                                          #46

                                          Congrats, LW! You're past the teeny tiny infant stage, and things get easier now, lots more fun. You've probably already seen this change.

                                          Blondie, I waited to my early thirties to have a baby. We were moving several times around the country during the first years of marriage. Then hubby and I both had our dads die in a six-month period, and we moved back to Minnesooooooota. It was a few years after that before I was ready to try for a baby.

                                          Had ours at age 33, and it's kept me younger. All the folks with kids that age were about ten years my junior.

                                          I am so glad to have waited until I was ready to give my best self to our kiddo, a more responsible self focused on parenting, home life, career, and community service. I'm also glad to have not waited any longer than that, so I can return to my wild self that wouldn't perhaps be as great at parenting. 😊

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