Preserving options to have children later in life
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@Aqua-Letifer said in Preserving options to have children later in life:
@Klaus said in Preserving options to have children later in life:
I also think it's not a good idea to defer children even more than what's already happening today.
At some point the age difference between parent and kid, let alone grandparents and kid, gets too big. Old parents worry way too much, tend to be overprotective and are easily stressed out. They can't relate to the world of the child very well.
I relate to my daughter a shitload better than I do my co-workers, friends and neighbors combined. You are just plain wrong about this.
I’m talking statistically, not about particular examples.
Just look at cultures where families are still the central unit of everything. These people get their kids early, and it wouldn’t work any other way.
Financial security etc. are overrated. Overprotection, too much safety, too much planning and too much money are harmful, not helpful. Grandparents in their 40s or 50s are an asset. Kids profit from some level of chaos and uncertainty.
Just ask any gynecologist about old parents. You’ll hear the word “complicated’ a lot.
If I could do this all over again, I’d have started with kids 5 years earlier.
@Klaus also, in the US we unfortunately have to factor in things like medical costs. It costs quite a bit to have a child here, then there's the child's future medical costs to consider as well. Medical bankruptcy is a thing, and should be considered. I don't see how financial instability is beneficial to children. Some fun chaos, sure. Like moving to a new place or having pets run around the house, or sibling rivalries. Fun chaos.
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Also, side bar, @Aqua-Letifer I haven't been around in years. How old is your daughter? Belated congratulations!
@LW said in Preserving options to have children later in life:
Also, side bar, @Aqua-Letifer I haven't been around in years. How old is your daughter? Belated congratulations!
Thanks! Her 4th birthday is in about a week.
Please love yourself.
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@Renauda I refuse to count on my mom or MIL to be free babysitters. By that, I mean that our primary childcare is daycare, with the grandparents free to have visits whenever. I didn't mean they can't be counted on. I just don't want to make them feel obligated or anything. Come over for a visit or occasional babysitting whenever they wish, no forced schedule.
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@Aqua-Letifer said in Preserving options to have children later in life:
@Klaus said in Preserving options to have children later in life:
I also think it's not a good idea to defer children even more than what's already happening today.
At some point the age difference between parent and kid, let alone grandparents and kid, gets too big. Old parents worry way too much, tend to be overprotective and are easily stressed out. They can't relate to the world of the child very well.
I relate to my daughter a shitload better than I do my co-workers, friends and neighbors combined. You are just plain wrong about this.
I’m talking statistically, not about particular examples.
Just look at cultures where families are still the central unit of everything. These people get their kids early, and it wouldn’t work any other way.
Financial security etc. are overrated. Overprotection, too much safety, too much planning and too much money are harmful, not helpful. Grandparents in their 40s or 50s are an asset. Kids profit from some level of chaos and uncertainty.
Just ask any gynecologist about old parents. You’ll hear the word “complicated’ a lot.
If I could do this all over again, I’d have started with kids 5 years earlier.
@Klaus said in Preserving options to have children later in life:
I’m talking statistically, not about particular examples.
Fair enough, but I think your objections are often correlated to age, but not caused by it.
Financial security etc. are overrated.
I agree.
Overprotection, too much safety, too much planning and too much money are harmful, not helpful.
In my opinion, this is a function of parents living an imbalanced life. When you have little going on outside your family unit—no social clubs, no sports or hobbies, no volunteering—that tends to create overprotection and over-planning.
Grandparents in their 40s or 50s are an asset. Kids profit from some level of chaos and uncertainty.
Agree. Some chaos, some planning. That's our approach, anyway.
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D1 was born when we were 32. D4 when we were 38.
G2 is going to be 4 in a bit, and I'm 72. Too old.
@George-K I do wish my parents would be able to do more things, and not struggle to get on the floor to play with him, but that's the way our lives turned out. Why do you feel 72 is too old? My mom would agree with you. Some of her friends have great grandchildren now.
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@LW said in Preserving options to have children later in life:
Also, side bar, @Aqua-Letifer I haven't been around in years. How old is your daughter? Belated congratulations!
Thanks! Her 4th birthday is in about a week.
@Aqua-Letifer awwww how fun! I'm loving being a parent, and am looking forward to that age and running around playgrounds. However, he is currently sleeping in my arms after a bottle and I love this too.
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@Aqua-Letifer awwww how fun! I'm loving being a parent, and am looking forward to that age and running around playgrounds. However, he is currently sleeping in my arms after a bottle and I love this too.
@LW said in Preserving options to have children later in life:
@Aqua-Letifer awwww how fun! I'm loving being a parent, and am looking forward to that age and running around playgrounds. However, he is currently sleeping in my arms after a bottle and I love this too.
How old?
Please love yourself.
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@Renauda I refuse to count on my mom or MIL to be free babysitters. By that, I mean that our primary childcare is daycare, with the grandparents free to have visits whenever. I didn't mean they can't be counted on. I just don't want to make them feel obligated or anything. Come over for a visit or occasional babysitting whenever they wish, no forced schedule.
I know what you mean. We did not have any grandparents or immediate family on whom we could fob off the tyke. In a pinch we had a couple of close friends from my childhood. Still, I can count the number of times we did that on one hand and, then, it was only for a couple hours at most.
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@LW said in Preserving options to have children later in life:
@Aqua-Letifer awwww how fun! I'm loving being a parent, and am looking forward to that age and running around playgrounds. However, he is currently sleeping in my arms after a bottle and I love this too.
How old?
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@Aqua-Letifer five and a half-ish months
@LW said in Preserving options to have children later in life:
@Aqua-Letifer five and a half-ish months
Awesome, congrats!!
Please love yourself.
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@LW said in Preserving options to have children later in life:
@Aqua-Letifer five and a half-ish months
Awesome, congrats!!
@Aqua-Letifer thanks!
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@Aqua-Letifer five and a half-ish months
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Congrats, LW! You're past the teeny tiny infant stage, and things get easier now, lots more fun. You've probably already seen this change.
Blondie, I waited to my early thirties to have a baby. We were moving several times around the country during the first years of marriage. Then hubby and I both had our dads die in a six-month period, and we moved back to Minnesooooooota. It was a few years after that before I was ready to try for a baby.
Had ours at age 33, and it's kept me younger. All the folks with kids that age were about ten years my junior.
I am so glad to have waited until I was ready to give my best self to our kiddo, a more responsible self focused on parenting, home life, career, and community service. I'm also glad to have not waited any longer than that, so I can return to my wild self that wouldn't perhaps be as great at parenting.
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@Aqua-Letifer and @LW - One of the best parts of checking back in is getting caught up on everyone's life updates! Belated congrats Aqua on your daughter and LW, at least we are connected on FB so I did know about your newbie but congrats again to you too
On the topic at hand. I had my first at 21 and post divorce, 2nd marriage had S2 at 33 and S3 at 35. Good and bad from both perspectives, but patience and maturity were definitely better with the youngest two.
On a side note we've recently (well 18+ months ago) became 1st time grandparents from S2 and that is more awesome than I could have imagined
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@Renauda I refuse to count on my mom or MIL to be free babysitters. By that, I mean that our primary childcare is daycare, with the grandparents free to have visits whenever. I didn't mean they can't be counted on. I just don't want to make them feel obligated or anything. Come over for a visit or occasional babysitting whenever they wish, no forced schedule.
@LW said in Preserving options to have children later in life:
@Renauda I refuse to count on my mom or MIL to be free babysitters. By that, I mean that our primary childcare is daycare, with the grandparents free to have visits whenever. I didn't mean they can't be counted on. I just don't want to make them feel obligated or anything. Come over for a visit or occasional babysitting whenever they wish, no forced schedule.
Meaning of course that you two are responsible adults and were raised well.
