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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. And then the murders began.

And then the murders began.

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  • M Offline
    M Offline
    Mik
    wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 12:54 last edited by
    #3

    Call me Ishmael. And then the murders began.

    “I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.” ~Winston S. Churchill

    1 Reply Last reply
    • D Offline
      D Offline
      Doctor Phibes
      wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 12:54 last edited by
      #4

      When Mr Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventyifirst birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton. And then the murders began.
      .
      .
      Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. And then the murders began.
      .
      .
      This is the literary equivalent of adding 'Mr. Bond' to the end of any dialogue. Has it come to this?

      I was only joking

      1 Reply Last reply
      • K Online
        K Online
        Klaus
        wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 12:54 last edited by
        #5

        I bet it works meta-circularly, too.

        The first line of almost any story can be improved by making sure the second line is, "And then the murders began." And then the murders began.

        1 Reply Last reply
        • 8 Offline
          8 Offline
          89th
          wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 13:10 last edited by
          #6

          Hahaha this is terrific.

          1 Reply Last reply
          • C Offline
            C Offline
            Catseye3
            wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 13:20 last edited by
            #7

            “Where’s Papa going with that ax?” said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast. And then the murders began.

            Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

            G 1 Reply Last reply 11 Mar 2022, 13:21
            • D Offline
              D Offline
              Doctor Phibes
              wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 13:20 last edited by
              #8

              When he was nearly thirteen my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow. And then the murders began.

              I was only joking

              1 Reply Last reply
              • C Catseye3
                11 Mar 2022, 13:20

                “Where’s Papa going with that ax?” said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast. And then the murders began.

                G Offline
                G Offline
                George K
                wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 13:21 last edited by
                #9

                @Catseye3 said in And then the murders began.:

                “Where’s Papa going with that ax?” said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast. And then the murders began.

                That's perfect.

                "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                1 Reply Last reply
                • J Online
                  J Online
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 16:45 last edited by
                  #10

                  It really works in Jaws.

                  The great fish moved silently through the night water, propelled by short sweeps of its crescent tail. And then the murders began.

                  Only non-witches get due process.

                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • J Online
                    J Online
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 16:49 last edited by
                    #11

                    In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.

                    And then the murders began.

                    Only non-witches get due process.

                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                    G 1 Reply Last reply 11 Mar 2022, 16:53
                    • J Online
                      J Online
                      jon-nyc
                      wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 16:50 last edited by
                      #12

                      Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth, upon this continent, a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. And then the murders began.

                      Only non-witches get due process.

                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • J jon-nyc
                        11 Mar 2022, 16:49

                        In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.

                        And then the murders began.

                        G Offline
                        G Offline
                        George K
                        wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 16:53 last edited by
                        #13

                        @jon-nyc said in And then the murders began.:

                        In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.

                        And then the murders began.

                        That was the first one I posted.

                        "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                        The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                        8 1 Reply Last reply 11 Mar 2022, 16:54
                        • G George K
                          11 Mar 2022, 16:53

                          @jon-nyc said in And then the murders began.:

                          In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.

                          And then the murders began.

                          That was the first one I posted.

                          8 Offline
                          8 Offline
                          89th
                          wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 16:54 last edited by 89th 3 Nov 2022, 16:55
                          #14

                          @George-K said in And then the murders began.:

                          @jon-nyc said in And then the murders began.:

                          In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.

                          And then the murders began.

                          That was the first one I posted.

                          Pwn3d! And then the murders began.

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • H Offline
                            H Offline
                            Horace
                            wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 17:16 last edited by
                            #15

                            That marked the first time a joke had been plagiarized on TNCR. And then the murders began.

                            Education is extremely important.

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • B Offline
                              B Offline
                              bachophile
                              wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 19:26 last edited by
                              #16

                              The truth is, if old Major Dover hadn’t dropped dead at Taunton races Jim would never have come to Thursgood’s at all. And then the murders began.

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • D Offline
                                D Offline
                                Doctor Phibes
                                wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 19:32 last edited by
                                #17

                                Jeeves placed the sizzling eggs and b. on the breakfast table, and Reginald (Kipper) Herring and I, licking the lips, squared our elbows and got down to it. And then the murders began.

                                I was only joking

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • J Online
                                  J Online
                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 19:34 last edited by
                                  #18

                                  When he was nearly thirteen my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow. And then the murders began.

                                  Only non-witches get due process.

                                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                  J 1 Reply Last reply 11 Mar 2022, 20:08
                                  • C Offline
                                    C Offline
                                    Copper
                                    wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 19:34 last edited by
                                    #19

                                    Idiots. And then the murders began.

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • B Offline
                                      B Offline
                                      bachophile
                                      wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 19:40 last edited by
                                      #20

                                      The quantity of matter is the measure of the same, arising from its density and bulk conjunctly. And then the murders began.

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • D Offline
                                        D Offline
                                        Doctor Phibes
                                        wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 19:43 last edited by
                                        #21

                                        When on board H.M.S. Beagle as naturalist, I was much struck with certain facts in the distribution of the organic beings inhabiting South America, and in the geological relations of the present to the past inhabitants of that continent. And then the murders began.

                                        I was only joking

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • B Offline
                                          B Offline
                                          bachophile
                                          wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 19:51 last edited by
                                          #22

                                          In this chapter I would like to give a brief introduction to hyperbolic functions. And then the murders began.

                                          L 1 Reply Last reply 11 Mar 2022, 20:49
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