So....
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wrote on 13 Apr 2025, 16:48 last edited by
The doctor told me I had to quit masturbating. I asked her why. She said “because you’re in the middle of a prostate exam, asshole”
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wrote on 13 Apr 2025, 18:28 last edited by
Someone just told me Einstein was a real person.
And all this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist.
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wrote on 13 Apr 2025, 19:58 last edited by
You know dynamite was invented by Alfred Nobel.
At first he didn't have a name for it; then it blew his house up and he said, this stuff's dynamite.Someone just threw Chinese soup at me.
It was won-ton violence. -
wrote on 14 Apr 2025, 17:57 last edited by
I thought my new girlfriend might be 'The One'.
But after looking through her underwear drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French Maid's outfit and a Policewoman uniform I've decided, if she can't hold down a job, she's not the right one for me.
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wrote on 20 Apr 2025, 08:10 last edited by
So… one of my testicles hangs lower than the other two.
Is this normal?
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wrote on 23 Apr 2025, 00:03 last edited by
Yesterday I didn't take a nap.
Pulled an all-dayer.
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wrote on 26 Apr 2025, 11:52 last edited by
12 years ago today my friend Dave came out running and screaming “IT’S A BOY!!!” with tears streaming down his face.
We’ve never been back to Thailand since.
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wrote on 27 Apr 2025, 19:31 last edited by
Two guys in their mid-twenties are sitting at a bar having a beer.
One of the guys remarks to the other,
"Boy, you look tired!"
His friend replies, "Dude, I'm exhausted. My girlfriend wants to make love all the time - three, four, sometimes even six times a night! She wakes me up at all hours. I don't know what to do!"
An old gentleman in his seventies, sitting a few bar stools down, overhears their conversation.
He looked over at the two men and, showing the wisdom of his age, says,
"Marry her, that'll put an end to that nonsense!"
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wrote on 27 Apr 2025, 20:31 last edited by
Lol
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wrote on 27 Apr 2025, 22:35 last edited by jon-nyc
I want my kid to have everything I couldn’t afford.
Then I want to move in with him.
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wrote on 30 Apr 2025, 23:39 last edited by
I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for quality or training purposes.
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wrote on 3 May 2025, 19:57 last edited by
I often wonder who Pete is and why we do things for his sake.
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wrote on 3 May 2025, 21:33 last edited by
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wrote on 4 May 2025, 01:21 last edited by
The only time I ever get asked for sex is on medical forms.
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wrote 30 days ago last edited by
Of all the things that taste like chicken, it’s weird that eggs aren’t one of them.
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wrote 29 days ago last edited by
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wrote 23 days ago last edited by
I’ve gotten quite good at ventriloquism recently.
Scared the shit out of my urologist the other day.
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wrote 11 days ago last edited by
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger...In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days. "Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your FIRST request?'
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the Horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse. But I will still kill you in two days."
"What is your SECOND request?"The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.
As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.
She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.
"You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your LAST request?"The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse...alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,
"Listen Very Carefully!!!
"FOR...THE...LAST...TIME..."
"BRING POSSE" -
wrote 9 days ago last edited by
Everyone told Sam not to sing.
But Samsung anyway.
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The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger...In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days. "Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your FIRST request?'
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the Horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse. But I will still kill you in two days."
"What is your SECOND request?"The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.
As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.
She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.
"You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your LAST request?"The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse...alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,
"Listen Very Carefully!!!
"FOR...THE...LAST...TIME..."
"BRING POSSE"wrote 8 days ago last edited byThe Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger...In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days. "Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your FIRST request?'
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the Horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse. But I will still kill you in two days."
"What is your SECOND request?"The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.
As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.
She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.
"You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your LAST request?"The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse...alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,
"Listen Very Carefully!!!
"FOR...THE...LAST...TIME..."
"BRING POSSE"The Lone Ranger and Tonto rode into town after a long and hot ride across the desert. The horses were overheated, so Kemosabe told Tonto to run around the horses to generate a breeze while he went into the tavern to get them all something to drink.
The masked lawman was waiting at the bar for two beers and two buckets of water when a guy came into the bar and yelled “Hey! Is that your white horse out there?” The Lone Ranger replied “Sure is, is there a problem?” The guy responded “No, but you left your Injun running”
