Your browser does not seem to support JavaScript. As a result, your viewing experience will be diminished, and you have been placed in read-only mode.
Please download a browser that supports JavaScript, or enable it if it's disabled (i.e. NoScript).
My teacher told me not to worry about spelling because in the future there would be autocorrect and for that I am eternally grapefruit.
Seen on a T-shirt:
"If I said I'll fix it, I will. There is no need to remind me every six months."
I now have an epipen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying.
It seemed very important to him that I have it.
What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
One looks up the family tree. The other looks up the family bush.
Turn any sofa into a bed by telling your wife to calm down.
Follow me for more life hacks.
What’s the non-binary agenda?
Trick question, they don’t have agenda
@jon-nyc said in So....:
Turn any sofa into a bed by telling your wife to calm down. Follow me for more life hacks.
Turn any sofa into a hospital bed by telling your wife to calm down.
FIFY.
I asked Karla where she wanted to go for date night.
She said she doesn’t care just so long as it’s somewhere she’s never been before….
So the kitchen it is…
I asked my mirror yesterday if there is anybody prettier than me. The bastard is still reciting names.
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect. -- Benny Hill
@Catseye3 said in So....:
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. -- Mike Myers
I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. -- Jack Benny
Christ, seven years of college, down the drain. -- John Belushi
There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap. -- Kevin James
My idiot friend keeps saying, “Every time I go to Taco Bell, I get diarrhea.”
I said, “Try ordering Tacos instead.”
When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. --- George Carlin
What do you call a woman who doesn’t give head?
A taxi.
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. -- Phyllis Diller
The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup.
I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."
