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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
1.0k Posts 26 Posters 85.6k Views
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  • jon-nycJ Offline
    jon-nycJ Offline
    jon-nyc
    wrote on last edited by
    #746

    My teacher told me not to worry about spelling because in the future there would be autocorrect and for that I am eternally grapefruit.

    Only non-witches get due process.

    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
    1 Reply Last reply
    • Catseye3C Offline
      Catseye3C Offline
      Catseye3
      wrote on last edited by
      #747

      Seen on a T-shirt:

      "If I said I'll fix it, I will. There is no need to remind me every six months."

      Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

      1 Reply Last reply
      • jon-nycJ Offline
        jon-nycJ Offline
        jon-nyc
        wrote on last edited by
        #748

        I now have an epipen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying.

        It seemed very important to him that I have it.

        Only non-witches get due process.

        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
        1 Reply Last reply
        • jon-nycJ Offline
          jon-nycJ Offline
          jon-nyc
          wrote on last edited by
          #749

          What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?

          One looks up the family tree. The other looks up the family bush.

          Only non-witches get due process.

          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
          1 Reply Last reply
          • jon-nycJ Offline
            jon-nycJ Offline
            jon-nyc
            wrote on last edited by
            #750

            Turn any sofa into a bed by telling your wife to calm down.

            Follow me for more life hacks.

            Only non-witches get due process.

            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
            Catseye3C 1 Reply Last reply
            • George KG Offline
              George KG Offline
              George K
              wrote on last edited by
              #751

              What’s the non-binary agenda?

              Trick question, they don’t have agenda

              "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

              The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

              1 Reply Last reply
              • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                Turn any sofa into a bed by telling your wife to calm down.

                Follow me for more life hacks.

                Catseye3C Offline
                Catseye3C Offline
                Catseye3
                wrote on last edited by
                #752

                @jon-nyc said in So....:

                Turn any sofa into a bed by telling your wife to calm down.
                Follow me for more life hacks.

                Turn any sofa into a hospital bed by telling your wife to calm down.

                FIFY.

                Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                1 Reply Last reply
                • LuFins DadL Offline
                  LuFins DadL Offline
                  LuFins Dad
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #753

                  I asked Karla where she wanted to go for date night.

                  She said she doesn’t care just so long as it’s somewhere she’s never been before….

                  So the kitchen it is…

                  The Brad

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • Catseye3C Offline
                    Catseye3C Offline
                    Catseye3
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #754

                    I asked my mirror yesterday if there is anybody prettier than me. The bastard is still reciting names.

                    Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • Catseye3C Offline
                      Catseye3C Offline
                      Catseye3
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #755

                      Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect. -- Benny Hill

                      Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                      George KG 1 Reply Last reply
                      • Catseye3C Catseye3

                        Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect. -- Benny Hill

                        George KG Offline
                        George KG Offline
                        George K
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #756

                        @Catseye3 said in So....:

                        Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

                        alt text

                        "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                        The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • Catseye3C Offline
                          Catseye3C Offline
                          Catseye3
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #757

                          My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. -- Mike Myers

                          Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • Catseye3C Offline
                            Catseye3C Offline
                            Catseye3
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #758

                            I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. -- Jack Benny

                            Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • Catseye3C Offline
                              Catseye3C Offline
                              Catseye3
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #759

                              Christ, seven years of college, down the drain. -- John Belushi

                              Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • Catseye3C Offline
                                Catseye3C Offline
                                Catseye3
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #760

                                There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap. -- Kevin James

                                Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • jon-nycJ Offline
                                  jon-nycJ Offline
                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #761

                                  My idiot friend keeps saying, “Every time I go to Taco Bell, I get diarrhea.”

                                  I said, “Try ordering Tacos instead.”

                                  Only non-witches get due process.

                                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • Catseye3C Offline
                                    Catseye3C Offline
                                    Catseye3
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #762

                                    When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. --- George Carlin

                                    Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • jon-nycJ Offline
                                      jon-nycJ Offline
                                      jon-nyc
                                      wrote on last edited by jon-nyc
                                      #763

                                      What do you call a woman who doesn’t give head?

                                      A taxi.

                                      Only non-witches get due process.

                                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • Catseye3C Offline
                                        Catseye3C Offline
                                        Catseye3
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #764

                                        My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. -- Phyllis Diller

                                        Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • George KG Offline
                                          George KG Offline
                                          George K
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #765

                                          The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup.

                                          I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."

                                          "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                          The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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