So....
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wrote on 18 Oct 2022, 23:02 last edited by jon-nyc
My girlfriend called me a gullible idiot and told me not to believe everything I read on the internet.
I told her I don’t have to put up with this shit, not when there are desperate horny milfs less than a mile from my house.
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wrote on 27 Oct 2022, 19:06 last edited by
My teacher told me not to worry about spelling because in the future there would be autocorrect and for that I am eternally grapefruit.
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wrote on 31 Oct 2022, 16:06 last edited by
Seen on a T-shirt:
"If I said I'll fix it, I will. There is no need to remind me every six months."
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wrote on 5 Nov 2022, 16:11 last edited by
I now have an epipen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying.
It seemed very important to him that I have it.
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wrote on 8 Nov 2022, 00:33 last edited by
What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
One looks up the family tree. The other looks up the family bush.
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wrote on 18 Nov 2022, 05:21 last edited by
Turn any sofa into a bed by telling your wife to calm down.
Follow me for more life hacks.
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wrote on 29 Nov 2022, 22:22 last edited by
What’s the non-binary agenda?
Trick question, they don’t have agenda
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Turn any sofa into a bed by telling your wife to calm down.
Follow me for more life hacks.
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wrote on 29 Nov 2022, 22:41 last edited by
I asked Karla where she wanted to go for date night.
She said she doesn’t care just so long as it’s somewhere she’s never been before….
So the kitchen it is…
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wrote on 1 Dec 2022, 21:10 last edited by
I asked my mirror yesterday if there is anybody prettier than me. The bastard is still reciting names.
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wrote on 5 Dec 2022, 02:06 last edited by
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect. -- Benny Hill
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wrote on 5 Dec 2022, 15:20 last edited by
My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. -- Mike Myers
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wrote on 5 Dec 2022, 15:40 last edited by
I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. -- Jack Benny
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wrote on 5 Dec 2022, 22:37 last edited by
Christ, seven years of college, down the drain. -- John Belushi
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wrote on 5 Dec 2022, 23:55 last edited by
There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap. -- Kevin James
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wrote on 6 Dec 2022, 01:26 last edited by
My idiot friend keeps saying, “Every time I go to Taco Bell, I get diarrhea.”
I said, “Try ordering Tacos instead.”
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wrote on 7 Dec 2022, 20:40 last edited by
When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. --- George Carlin
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wrote on 8 Dec 2022, 00:05 last edited by jon-nyc 12 Aug 2022, 00:26
What do you call a woman who doesn’t give head?
A taxi.
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wrote on 8 Dec 2022, 14:39 last edited by
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. -- Phyllis Diller
