So....

[jon-nyc]

My girlfriend called me a gullible idiot and told me not to believe everything I read on the internet.

I told her I don’t have to put up with this shit, not when there are desperate horny milfs less than a mile from my house.

[jon-nyc]

My teacher told me not to worry about spelling because in the future there would be autocorrect and for that I am eternally grapefruit.

[Catseye3]

Seen on a T-shirt:

"If I said I'll fix it, I will. There is no need to remind me every six months."

[jon-nyc]

I now have an epipen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying.

It seemed very important to him that I have it.

[jon-nyc]

What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?

One looks up the family tree. The other looks up the family bush.

[jon-nyc]

Turn any sofa into a bed by telling your wife to calm down.

Follow me for more life hacks.

[George K]

What’s the non-binary agenda?

Trick question, they don’t have agenda

[Catseye3]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

Turn any sofa into a bed by telling your wife to calm down.
Follow me for more life hacks.

Turn any sofa into a hospital bed by telling your wife to calm down.

FIFY.

[LuFins Dad]

I asked Karla where she wanted to go for date night.

She said she doesn’t care just so long as it’s somewhere she’s never been before….

So the kitchen it is…

[Catseye3]

I asked my mirror yesterday if there is anybody prettier than me. The bastard is still reciting names.

[Catseye3]

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect. -- Benny Hill

[George K]

@Catseye3 said in So....:

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

[Catseye3]

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. -- Mike Myers

[Catseye3]

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. -- Jack Benny

[Catseye3]

Christ, seven years of college, down the drain. -- John Belushi

[Catseye3]

There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap. -- Kevin James

[jon-nyc]

My idiot friend keeps saying, “Every time I go to Taco Bell, I get diarrhea.”

I said, “Try ordering Tacos instead.”

[Catseye3]

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. --- George Carlin

[jon-nyc]

What do you call a woman who doesn’t give head?

A taxi.

[Catseye3]

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. -- Phyllis Diller