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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • jon-nycJ Online
    jon-nycJ Online
    jon-nyc
    wrote on last edited by
    #738

    My wife gets terrible headaches whenever I cook with wheat, rice, or quinoa.

    She really suffers from my grains.

    Only non-witches get due process.

    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
    1 Reply Last reply
    • George KG Offline
      George KG Offline
      George K
      wrote on last edited by
      #739

      A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.

      He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

      When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

      The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time..."

      The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is an Airborne Ranger, the other is a Navy Seal, both serving overseas somewhere.
      When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.

      So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

      The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

      The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.

      He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

      One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. (I know, a tear is coming to my eye too)

      All the regulars take notice and fall silent.

      When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

      The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

      "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife
      and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
      
"Hasn't affected my brothers though...."

      "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

      The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

      1 Reply Last reply
      • jon-nycJ Online
        jon-nycJ Online
        jon-nyc
        wrote on last edited by
        #740

        Lol

        Only non-witches get due process.

        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
        1 Reply Last reply
        • jon-nycJ Online
          jon-nycJ Online
          jon-nyc
          wrote on last edited by
          #741

          Jeffrey Dahmer’s bologna really did have a first name.

          Only non-witches get due process.

          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
          Catseye3C 1 Reply Last reply
          • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

            Jeffrey Dahmer’s bologna really did have a first name.

            Catseye3C Offline
            Catseye3C Offline
            Catseye3
            wrote on last edited by
            #742

            @jon-nyc

            Oh, GAH! ROFL.

            Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

            1 Reply Last reply
            • LuFins DadL Offline
              LuFins DadL Offline
              LuFins Dad
              wrote on last edited by
              #743

              Why did the Trans Man only eat Vegan?

              Because he was a her before.

              The Brad

              George KG 1 Reply Last reply
              • LuFins DadL LuFins Dad

                Why did the Trans Man only eat Vegan?

                Because he was a her before.

                George KG Offline
                George KG Offline
                George K
                wrote on last edited by
                #744

                @LuFins-Dad perfect.

                "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                1 Reply Last reply
                • jon-nycJ Online
                  jon-nycJ Online
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on last edited by jon-nyc
                  #745

                  My girlfriend called me a gullible idiot and told me not to believe everything I read on the internet.

                  I told her I don’t have to put up with this shit, not when there are desperate horny milfs less than a mile from my house.

                  Only non-witches get due process.

                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • jon-nycJ Online
                    jon-nycJ Online
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #746

                    My teacher told me not to worry about spelling because in the future there would be autocorrect and for that I am eternally grapefruit.

                    Only non-witches get due process.

                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • Catseye3C Offline
                      Catseye3C Offline
                      Catseye3
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #747

                      Seen on a T-shirt:

                      "If I said I'll fix it, I will. There is no need to remind me every six months."

                      Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • jon-nycJ Online
                        jon-nycJ Online
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #748

                        I now have an epipen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying.

                        It seemed very important to him that I have it.

                        Only non-witches get due process.

                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • jon-nycJ Online
                          jon-nycJ Online
                          jon-nyc
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #749

                          What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?

                          One looks up the family tree. The other looks up the family bush.

                          Only non-witches get due process.

                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • jon-nycJ Online
                            jon-nycJ Online
                            jon-nyc
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #750

                            Turn any sofa into a bed by telling your wife to calm down.

                            Follow me for more life hacks.

                            Only non-witches get due process.

                            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                            Catseye3C 1 Reply Last reply
                            • George KG Offline
                              George KG Offline
                              George K
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #751

                              What’s the non-binary agenda?

                              Trick question, they don’t have agenda

                              "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                              The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                                Turn any sofa into a bed by telling your wife to calm down.

                                Follow me for more life hacks.

                                Catseye3C Offline
                                Catseye3C Offline
                                Catseye3
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #752

                                @jon-nyc said in So....:

                                Turn any sofa into a bed by telling your wife to calm down.
                                Follow me for more life hacks.

                                Turn any sofa into a hospital bed by telling your wife to calm down.

                                FIFY.

                                Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • LuFins DadL Offline
                                  LuFins DadL Offline
                                  LuFins Dad
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #753

                                  I asked Karla where she wanted to go for date night.

                                  She said she doesn’t care just so long as it’s somewhere she’s never been before….

                                  So the kitchen it is…

                                  The Brad

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • Catseye3C Offline
                                    Catseye3C Offline
                                    Catseye3
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #754

                                    I asked my mirror yesterday if there is anybody prettier than me. The bastard is still reciting names.

                                    Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • Catseye3C Offline
                                      Catseye3C Offline
                                      Catseye3
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #755

                                      Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect. -- Benny Hill

                                      Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                      George KG 1 Reply Last reply
                                      • Catseye3C Catseye3

                                        Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect. -- Benny Hill

                                        George KG Offline
                                        George KG Offline
                                        George K
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #756

                                        @Catseye3 said in So....:

                                        Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

                                        alt text

                                        "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                        The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • Catseye3C Offline
                                          Catseye3C Offline
                                          Catseye3
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #757

                                          My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. -- Mike Myers

                                          Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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