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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
1.0k Posts 26 Posters 86.8k Views
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  • George KG Offline
    George KG Offline
    George K
    wrote on last edited by
    #730

    I took my wife to the doctors for her Tourette’s.

    It turns out she doesn’t have it after all.

    I’m a cunt and she does want me to fuck off

    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

    1 Reply Last reply
    • jon-nycJ Online
      jon-nycJ Online
      jon-nyc
      wrote on last edited by
      #731

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

      Only non-witches get due process.

      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
      1 Reply Last reply
      • jon-nycJ Online
        jon-nycJ Online
        jon-nyc
        wrote on last edited by
        #732

        Did you hear about the non-binary gold prospector?

        They found gold in them/their hills.

        Only non-witches get due process.

        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
        1 Reply Last reply
        • jon-nycJ Online
          jon-nycJ Online
          jon-nyc
          wrote on last edited by
          #733

          Took my son out for his first pint today. I first got him a Fosters, he didn’t like it, I drank it. Then I got him a Budweiser, he didn’t like that either, so I drank it. It was the same with the Guinness and Cider.

          By the time we got to whiskeys, I was so drunk I could hardly push the fucking pram.

          Only non-witches get due process.

          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
          1 Reply Last reply
          • jon-nycJ Online
            jon-nycJ Online
            jon-nyc
            wrote on last edited by
            #734

            The other day Siri told me a notification came up on my phone. I said “what is it”, and Siri said “it’s an alert from an app that shows up on your home screen, but that’s not important right now”.

            That’s when I realized it was in Airplane mode.

            Only non-witches get due process.

            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
            1 Reply Last reply
            • jon-nycJ Online
              jon-nycJ Online
              jon-nyc
              wrote on last edited by
              #735

              King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates , the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.

              Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."

              "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"

              Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."

              Only non-witches get due process.

              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
              1 Reply Last reply
              • jon-nycJ Online
                jon-nycJ Online
                jon-nyc
                wrote on last edited by
                #736

                What gives you butterflies no matter how many times you’ve done it?

                Buying caterpillars.

                Only non-witches get due process.

                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                1 Reply Last reply
                • jon-nycJ Online
                  jon-nycJ Online
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #737

                  I’m so glad I took up kickboxing.

                  It’s really opened up a lot of doors for me.

                  Only non-witches get due process.

                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • jon-nycJ Online
                    jon-nycJ Online
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #738

                    My wife gets terrible headaches whenever I cook with wheat, rice, or quinoa.

                    She really suffers from my grains.

                    Only non-witches get due process.

                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • George KG Offline
                      George KG Offline
                      George K
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #739

                      A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.

                      He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

                      When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

                      The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time..."

                      The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is an Airborne Ranger, the other is a Navy Seal, both serving overseas somewhere.
                      When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.

                      So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

                      The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

                      The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.

                      He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

                      One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. (I know, a tear is coming to my eye too)

                      All the regulars take notice and fall silent.

                      When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

                      The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

                      "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife
                      and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
                      
"Hasn't affected my brothers though...."

                      "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                      The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • jon-nycJ Online
                        jon-nycJ Online
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #740

                        Lol

                        Only non-witches get due process.

                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • jon-nycJ Online
                          jon-nycJ Online
                          jon-nyc
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #741

                          Jeffrey Dahmer’s bologna really did have a first name.

                          Only non-witches get due process.

                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                          Catseye3C 1 Reply Last reply
                          • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                            Jeffrey Dahmer’s bologna really did have a first name.

                            Catseye3C Offline
                            Catseye3C Offline
                            Catseye3
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #742

                            @jon-nyc

                            Oh, GAH! ROFL.

                            Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • LuFins DadL Offline
                              LuFins DadL Offline
                              LuFins Dad
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #743

                              Why did the Trans Man only eat Vegan?

                              Because he was a her before.

                              The Brad

                              George KG 1 Reply Last reply
                              • LuFins DadL LuFins Dad

                                Why did the Trans Man only eat Vegan?

                                Because he was a her before.

                                George KG Offline
                                George KG Offline
                                George K
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #744

                                @LuFins-Dad perfect.

                                "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • jon-nycJ Online
                                  jon-nycJ Online
                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote on last edited by jon-nyc
                                  #745

                                  My girlfriend called me a gullible idiot and told me not to believe everything I read on the internet.

                                  I told her I don’t have to put up with this shit, not when there are desperate horny milfs less than a mile from my house.

                                  Only non-witches get due process.

                                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • jon-nycJ Online
                                    jon-nycJ Online
                                    jon-nyc
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #746

                                    My teacher told me not to worry about spelling because in the future there would be autocorrect and for that I am eternally grapefruit.

                                    Only non-witches get due process.

                                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • Catseye3C Offline
                                      Catseye3C Offline
                                      Catseye3
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #747

                                      Seen on a T-shirt:

                                      "If I said I'll fix it, I will. There is no need to remind me every six months."

                                      Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • jon-nycJ Online
                                        jon-nycJ Online
                                        jon-nyc
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #748

                                        I now have an epipen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying.

                                        It seemed very important to him that I have it.

                                        Only non-witches get due process.

                                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • jon-nycJ Online
                                          jon-nycJ Online
                                          jon-nyc
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #749

                                          What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?

                                          One looks up the family tree. The other looks up the family bush.

                                          Only non-witches get due process.

                                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                          1 Reply Last reply
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