So....
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wrote on 21 Jul 2022, 00:45 last edited by
"I said to the gym teacher: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: 'I can't make Tuesdays.'"
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wrote on 29 Jul 2022, 21:23 last edited by Catseye3
"I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently 'a way out' wasn't the right answer."
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"I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently 'a way out' wasn't the right answer."
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wrote on 4 Aug 2022, 15:25 last edited by
At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.
On a related note, I suck at darts.
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wrote on 7 Aug 2022, 15:38 last edited by
My new sweater was picking up so much static electricity I had to return it to the store.
They gave me another one free of charge.
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My new sweater was picking up so much static electricity I had to return it to the store.
They gave me another one free of charge.
wrote on 7 Aug 2022, 17:33 last edited by -
wrote on 7 Aug 2022, 17:50 last edited by
Shockingly no. I was expecting lots of resistance.
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wrote on 7 Aug 2022, 19:13 last edited by
Ohm my god, another punfest.
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wrote on 7 Aug 2022, 19:48 last edited by
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wrote on 10 Aug 2022, 21:44 last edited by
Go to the animal shelter for a dog and you’re a saint.
Go to the women’s shelter for a new girlfriend and everyone loses their minds.
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wrote on 14 Aug 2022, 15:50 last edited by
I guess this is almost the definition of a dad joke:
Bruce Lee was pretty fast but his brother...
Sudden Lee was even faster.
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wrote on 18 Aug 2022, 10:36 last edited by
Me: One time I farted so long, I thought my butt was going to have to stop to catch its breath.
Interviewer: “….and a weakness?
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Me: One time I farted so long, I thought my butt was going to have to stop to catch its breath.
Interviewer: “….and a weakness?
wrote on 18 Aug 2022, 20:11 last edited by -
wrote on 28 Aug 2022, 12:22 last edited by George K
FIRST TEXT MESSAGE:
Hi, Morris. This is Saul, next door. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. When you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day and night, probably much more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently. I know that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with the guilt & hope you'll accept my sincere apology and forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage and I'll pay you.Morris, feeling enraged and betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, and shot Saul dead. He returned home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. Morris then looked at his phone and discovered a second text message from Saul.
SECOND TEXT MESSAGE:
Hi, Morris. Saul here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I assume you figured it out and noticed that the darned Spell-Check had changed "wi-fi" to "wife." Technology, hey? It'll be the death of us. -
wrote on 31 Aug 2022, 09:36 last edited by
When I ask how monkeypox is spread, I never get a straight answer.
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wrote on 31 Aug 2022, 13:38 last edited by
Jesus was supposed to be named Brian.
But then Mary stubbed her toe on the desk at the registry office.
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wrote on 4 Sept 2022, 14:50 last edited by
So… apparently it’s “rude” to ask the parents of a kid on a leash if it was a rescue.
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wrote on 7 Sept 2022, 19:59 last edited by
I took my grandpa to one of those spas where the fish eat away all the dead tissue.
It cost $150 but it was cheaper than cremation.
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wrote on 15 Sept 2022, 17:11 last edited by
I'm going to let God fix it
Because if I fix it I'm going to jail.
