So....

[Catseye3]

"I said to the gym teacher: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: 'I can't make Tuesdays.'"

[Catseye3]

"I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently 'a way out' wasn't the right answer."

[George K]

@Catseye3 said in So....:

"I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently 'a way out' wasn't the right answer."

[jon-nyc]

At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.

On a related note, I suck at darts.

[jon-nyc]

My new sweater was picking up so much static electricity I had to return it to the store.

They gave me another one free of charge.

[LuFins Dad]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

My new sweater was picking up so much static electricity I had to return it to the store.

They gave me another one free of charge.

They didn't give you any friction over it?

[jon-nyc]

Shockingly no. I was expecting lots of resistance.

[Catseye3]

Ohm my god, another punfest.

[George K]

@Catseye3 said in So....:

Ohm my god, another punfest.

Yup we have to keep an ion these posts.

[LuFins Dad]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

Shockingly no. I was expecting lots of resistance.

I guess they decided not to abuse their power.

[jon-nyc]

Go to the animal shelter for a dog and you’re a saint.

Go to the women’s shelter for a new girlfriend and everyone loses their minds.

[Klaus]

I guess this is almost the definition of a dad joke:

Bruce Lee was pretty fast but his brother...

Sudden Lee was even faster.

[jon-nyc]

Me: One time I farted so long, I thought my butt was going to have to stop to catch its breath.

Interviewer: “….and a weakness?

[Aqua Letifer]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

Me: One time I farted so long, I thought my butt was going to have to stop to catch its breath.

Interviewer: “….and a weakness?

I overshare.

[George K]

FIRST TEXT MESSAGE:
Hi, Morris. This is Saul, next door. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. When you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day and night, probably much more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently. I know that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with the guilt & hope you'll accept my sincere apology and forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage and I'll pay you.

Morris, feeling enraged and betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, and shot Saul dead. He returned home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. Morris then looked at his phone and discovered a second text message from Saul.

SECOND TEXT MESSAGE:
Hi, Morris. Saul here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I assume you figured it out and noticed that the darned Spell-Check had changed "wi-fi" to "wife." Technology, hey? It'll be the death of us.

[jon-nyc]

When I ask how monkeypox is spread, I never get a straight answer.

[jon-nyc]

Jesus was supposed to be named Brian.

But then Mary stubbed her toe on the desk at the registry office.

[jon-nyc]

So… apparently it’s “rude” to ask the parents of a kid on a leash if it was a rescue.

[jon-nyc]

I took my grandpa to one of those spas where the fish eat away all the dead tissue.

It cost $150 but it was cheaper than cremation.

[Catseye3]

I'm going to let God fix it

Because if I fix it I'm going to jail.