So....
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I put a banana down my pants to attract the ladies at the bar.
Didn't work.
Tonight I will put it in the front.
wrote on 6 Jun 2022, 14:03 last edited byI put a banana down my pants to attract the ladies at the bar.
Didn't work.
Tonight I will put it in the front.
That's a version of the old joke about Sven and Ole going to the beach to get some girls. Ole asks Sven how it is that Sven gets all the girls' attention. Sven says, "Oh, ja, vell dat's cuz I put a potato in my svim trunks, doncha know."
Ole is impressed with Sven's ingenuity, so he tries it the next day at the beach. To his dismay, it doesn't work at all. In fact, the girls like him even less than before.
Ole asks Sven how it is that the potato trick didn't work for him. Sven replies, "Ya put it in da front, Ole! In da front!"
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wrote on 7 Jun 2022, 02:49 last edited by
After sex the other night, I was worried that I had ejaculated prematurely. But my wife assured me it was ok.
It was a load off my mind.
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wrote on 9 Jun 2022, 11:34 last edited by
The worst thing about getting gas right now is how long it takes to fill out the loan application.
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wrote on 19 Jun 2022, 02:11 last edited by
In dog beers I've only had one.
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wrote on 20 Jun 2022, 19:20 last edited by
So… I spent last night defrosting the fridge.
Or foreplay, as she likes to call it.
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wrote on 21 Jun 2022, 17:02 last edited by
How come Jim isn’t at work today?
He’s in the hospital.
The hospital? But I saw him dancing with some chick last night.
Yeah, so did his wife.
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wrote on 21 Jun 2022, 17:08 last edited by
A man rushes his wife to the ER. For 2 hours he paces back and forth, waiting to hear something from the Dr. Finally the Dr. Come into the waiting room.
Dr: "Sir, your wife doesn't look very good."
Man: "Y eah, I know... but she's a good cook and the kids seem to like her...."
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A man rushes his wife to the ER. For 2 hours he paces back and forth, waiting to hear something from the Dr. Finally the Dr. Come into the waiting room.
Dr: "Sir, your wife doesn't look very good."
Man: "Y eah, I know... but she's a good cook and the kids seem to like her...."
wrote on 21 Jun 2022, 17:30 last edited by jon-nycThe version I heard….
Cop shows up at the door, talks to the guy there.
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but it looks like your wife got run over by a bus”
“Yeah I know but she takes it up the ass and is good with the kids”.
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wrote on 21 Jun 2022, 17:35 last edited by
Lol....
Dr. "Mr. Smith, you're going to have to stop masturbating.."
Mr. Smith : "Why?"
Dr. : "Because I'm trying to clean your teeth,......."
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wrote on 26 Jun 2022, 14:48 last edited by
Scientists announced that dolphins are second to man in intelligence.
I guess that pushes women down to third place.
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wrote on 27 Jun 2022, 12:36 last edited by
The guy that coined the term “one hit wonder” never came up with another catchy phrase.
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wrote on 29 Jun 2022, 00:09 last edited by
My friend had strobe lights installed in his bedroom. He says the sex is the same, but his wife looks like she’s moving.
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wrote on 29 Jun 2022, 00:12 last edited by
What's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?
The taste.
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wrote on 29 Jun 2022, 00:12 last edited by
I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people...
...but none of them work.
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wrote on 29 Jun 2022, 00:14 last edited by
So this guy with premature ejaculation comes outta nowhere...
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wrote on 29 Jun 2022, 03:35 last edited by
Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund.
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wrote on 29 Jun 2022, 13:21 last edited by
I heard this cool music coming from my printer last night.
Apparently my paper was jamming.
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wrote on 30 Jun 2022, 23:29 last edited by
My wife and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the people at MacD's.
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My wife and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the people at MacD's.