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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • George KG George K

    I put a banana down my pants to attract the ladies at the bar.

    Didn't work.

    Tonight I will put it in the front.

    brendaB Offline
    brendaB Offline
    brenda
    wrote on last edited by
    #667

    @George-K said in So....:

    I put a banana down my pants to attract the ladies at the bar.

    Didn't work.

    Tonight I will put it in the front.

    That's a version of the old joke about Sven and Ole going to the beach to get some girls. Ole asks Sven how it is that Sven gets all the girls' attention. Sven says, "Oh, ja, vell dat's cuz I put a potato in my svim trunks, doncha know."

    Ole is impressed with Sven's ingenuity, so he tries it the next day at the beach. To his dismay, it doesn't work at all. In fact, the girls like him even less than before.

    Ole asks Sven how it is that the potato trick didn't work for him. Sven replies, "Ya put it in da front, Ole! In da front!"

    1 Reply Last reply
    • jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nyc
      wrote on last edited by
      #668

      After sex the other night, I was worried that I had ejaculated prematurely. But my wife assured me it was ok.

      It was a load off my mind.

      Only non-witches get due process.

      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
      1 Reply Last reply
      • George KG Offline
        George KG Offline
        George K
        wrote on last edited by
        #669

        The worst thing about getting gas right now is how long it takes to fill out the loan application.

        "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

        The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

        1 Reply Last reply
        • jon-nycJ Offline
          jon-nycJ Offline
          jon-nyc
          wrote on last edited by
          #670

          In dog beers I've only had one.

          Only non-witches get due process.

          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
          Catseye3C 1 Reply Last reply
          • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

            In dog beers I've only had one.

            Catseye3C Offline
            Catseye3C Offline
            Catseye3
            wrote on last edited by
            #671

            @jon-nyc said in So....:

            In dog beers I've only had one.

            You have to wonder about the mind responsible for this one . . .

            Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

            1 Reply Last reply
            • jon-nycJ Offline
              jon-nycJ Offline
              jon-nyc
              wrote on last edited by
              #672

              So… I spent last night defrosting the fridge.

              Or foreplay, as she likes to call it.

              Only non-witches get due process.

              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
              1 Reply Last reply
              • jon-nycJ Offline
                jon-nycJ Offline
                jon-nyc
                wrote on last edited by
                #673

                How come Jim isn’t at work today?

                He’s in the hospital.

                The hospital? But I saw him dancing with some chick last night.

                Yeah, so did his wife.

                Only non-witches get due process.

                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                1 Reply Last reply
                • LarryL Offline
                  LarryL Offline
                  Larry
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #674

                  A man rushes his wife to the ER. For 2 hours he paces back and forth, waiting to hear something from the Dr. Finally the Dr. Come into the waiting room.

                  Dr: "Sir, your wife doesn't look very good."

                  Man: "Y eah, I know... but she's a good cook and the kids seem to like her...."

                  jon-nycJ 1 Reply Last reply
                  • LarryL Larry

                    A man rushes his wife to the ER. For 2 hours he paces back and forth, waiting to hear something from the Dr. Finally the Dr. Come into the waiting room.

                    Dr: "Sir, your wife doesn't look very good."

                    Man: "Y eah, I know... but she's a good cook and the kids seem to like her...."

                    jon-nycJ Offline
                    jon-nycJ Offline
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote on last edited by jon-nyc
                    #675

                    @Larry

                    The version I heard….

                    Cop shows up at the door, talks to the guy there.

                    “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but it looks like your wife got run over by a bus”

                    “Yeah I know but she takes it up the ass and is good with the kids”.

                    Only non-witches get due process.

                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • LarryL Offline
                      LarryL Offline
                      Larry
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #676

                      Lol....

                      Dr. "Mr. Smith, you're going to have to stop masturbating.."

                      Mr. Smith : "Why?"

                      Dr. : "Because I'm trying to clean your teeth,......."

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • jon-nycJ Offline
                        jon-nycJ Offline
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #677

                        Scientists announced that dolphins are second to man in intelligence.

                        I guess that pushes women down to third place.

                        Only non-witches get due process.

                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • jon-nycJ Offline
                          jon-nycJ Offline
                          jon-nyc
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #678

                          The guy that coined the term “one hit wonder” never came up with another catchy phrase.

                          Only non-witches get due process.

                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • jon-nycJ Offline
                            jon-nycJ Offline
                            jon-nyc
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #679

                            My friend had strobe lights installed in his bedroom. He says the sex is the same, but his wife looks like she’s moving.

                            Only non-witches get due process.

                            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • X Offline
                              X Offline
                              xenon
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #680

                              What's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?

                              The taste.

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • X Offline
                                X Offline
                                xenon
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #681

                                I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people...

                                ...but none of them work.

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • X Offline
                                  X Offline
                                  xenon
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #682

                                  So this guy with premature ejaculation comes outta nowhere...

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • Catseye3C Offline
                                    Catseye3C Offline
                                    Catseye3
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #683

                                    Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund.

                                    Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • jon-nycJ Offline
                                      jon-nycJ Offline
                                      jon-nyc
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #684

                                      I heard this cool music coming from my printer last night.

                                      Apparently my paper was jamming.

                                      Only non-witches get due process.

                                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • George KG Offline
                                        George KG Offline
                                        George K
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #685

                                        My wife and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.

                                        Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.

                                        She said, 'you gave me too much money.'

                                        I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'

                                        She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.

                                        I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'

                                        The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.

                                        Do not confuse the people at MacD's.

                                        "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                        The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                        Catseye3C 1 Reply Last reply
                                        • George KG George K

                                          My wife and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.

                                          Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.

                                          She said, 'you gave me too much money.'

                                          I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'

                                          She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.

                                          I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'

                                          The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.

                                          Do not confuse the people at MacD's.

                                          Catseye3C Offline
                                          Catseye3C Offline
                                          Catseye3
                                          wrote on last edited by Catseye3
                                          #686

                                          @George-K "That kind of thing???"

                                          WTF did he think you were trying to do???

                                          Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                          George KG 1 Reply Last reply
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