So....
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I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman.
In my experience you get far less pepper spray in them that way.
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I met my girlfriend on tinder.
Man that was awkward.
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I’ve started seeing a girl… Fortunately, she hasn’t seen me, yet.
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So.. I asked my grandfather how, after 70 years of marriage, why he still calls grandma "sweetie" or "love" or "gorgeous"....
He replied, "I forgot her name years ago and there's no way I could ask."
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I found a hat with $17.50 in it.
At first I thought this other guy was going to pick it up. But he was too busy juggling.
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I put a banana down my pants to attract the ladies at the bar.
Didn't work.
Tonight I will put it in the front.
That's a version of the old joke about Sven and Ole going to the beach to get some girls. Ole asks Sven how it is that Sven gets all the girls' attention. Sven says, "Oh, ja, vell dat's cuz I put a potato in my svim trunks, doncha know."
Ole is impressed with Sven's ingenuity, so he tries it the next day at the beach. To his dismay, it doesn't work at all. In fact, the girls like him even less than before.
Ole asks Sven how it is that the potato trick didn't work for him. Sven replies, "Ya put it in da front, Ole! In da front!"
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After sex the other night, I was worried that I had ejaculated prematurely. But my wife assured me it was ok.
It was a load off my mind.
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In dog beers I've only had one.