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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • jon-nycJ Online
    jon-nycJ Online
    jon-nyc
    wrote on last edited by
    #655

    I met my girlfriend on tinder.

    Man that was awkward.

    Only non-witches get due process.

    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
    1 Reply Last reply
    • LuFins DadL Offline
      LuFins DadL Offline
      LuFins Dad
      wrote on last edited by
      #656

      I’ve started seeing a girl… Fortunately, she hasn’t seen me, yet.

      The Brad

      1 Reply Last reply
      • Catseye3C Offline
        Catseye3C Offline
        Catseye3
        wrote on last edited by
        #657

        Q. Why is the sand wet?
        A. Because the sea weed.

        Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

        IvorythumperI 1 Reply Last reply
        • Catseye3C Offline
          Catseye3C Offline
          Catseye3
          wrote on last edited by
          #658

          "How am I supposed to trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?"

          Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

          1 Reply Last reply
          • LarryL Offline
            LarryL Offline
            Larry
            wrote on last edited by
            #659

            So....

            The sexual position known as 69 will henceforth be known as 96 as the cost of eating out has gone up...

            1 Reply Last reply
            • Catseye3C Catseye3

              Q. Why is the sand wet?
              A. Because the sea weed.

              IvorythumperI Offline
              IvorythumperI Offline
              Ivorythumper
              wrote on last edited by
              #660

              @Catseye3 said in So....:

              Q. Why is the sand wet?
              A. Because the sea weed.

              HAHA!

              1 Reply Last reply
              • George KG Offline
                George KG Offline
                George K
                wrote on last edited by
                #661

                The elderly wife in church turned to her husband and said, “I’ve just done a silent fart. What should I do?”

                He said, “Change the batteries in your hearing aid”.

                "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                1 Reply Last reply
                • George KG Offline
                  George KG Offline
                  George K
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #662

                  What pronouns does chocolate use?

                  Her/she.

                  "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                  The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • jon-nycJ Online
                    jon-nycJ Online
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #663

                    So.. I asked my grandfather how, after 70 years of marriage, why he still calls grandma "sweetie" or "love" or "gorgeous"....

                    He replied, "I forgot her name years ago and there's no way I could ask."

                    Only non-witches get due process.

                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                    brendaB 1 Reply Last reply
                    • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                      So.. I asked my grandfather how, after 70 years of marriage, why he still calls grandma "sweetie" or "love" or "gorgeous"....

                      He replied, "I forgot her name years ago and there's no way I could ask."

                      brendaB Offline
                      brendaB Offline
                      brenda
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #664

                      @jon-nyc said in So....:

                      So.. I asked my grandfather how, after 70 years of marriage, why he still calls grandma "sweetie" or "love" or "gorgeous"....

                      He replied, "I forgot her name years ago and there's no way I could ask."

                      Hubby loves this one! Very appropriate for us today, too. Thanks, Jon!

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • jon-nycJ Online
                        jon-nycJ Online
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #665

                        I found a hat with $17.50 in it.

                        At first I thought this other guy was going to pick it up. But he was too busy juggling.

                        Only non-witches get due process.

                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • George KG Offline
                          George KG Offline
                          George K
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #666

                          I put a banana down my pants to attract the ladies at the bar.

                          Didn't work.

                          Tonight I will put it in the front.

                          "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                          The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                          brendaB 1 Reply Last reply
                          • George KG George K

                            I put a banana down my pants to attract the ladies at the bar.

                            Didn't work.

                            Tonight I will put it in the front.

                            brendaB Offline
                            brendaB Offline
                            brenda
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #667

                            @George-K said in So....:

                            I put a banana down my pants to attract the ladies at the bar.

                            Didn't work.

                            Tonight I will put it in the front.

                            That's a version of the old joke about Sven and Ole going to the beach to get some girls. Ole asks Sven how it is that Sven gets all the girls' attention. Sven says, "Oh, ja, vell dat's cuz I put a potato in my svim trunks, doncha know."

                            Ole is impressed with Sven's ingenuity, so he tries it the next day at the beach. To his dismay, it doesn't work at all. In fact, the girls like him even less than before.

                            Ole asks Sven how it is that the potato trick didn't work for him. Sven replies, "Ya put it in da front, Ole! In da front!"

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • jon-nycJ Online
                              jon-nycJ Online
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #668

                              After sex the other night, I was worried that I had ejaculated prematurely. But my wife assured me it was ok.

                              It was a load off my mind.

                              Only non-witches get due process.

                              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • George KG Offline
                                George KG Offline
                                George K
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #669

                                The worst thing about getting gas right now is how long it takes to fill out the loan application.

                                "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • jon-nycJ Online
                                  jon-nycJ Online
                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #670

                                  In dog beers I've only had one.

                                  Only non-witches get due process.

                                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                  Catseye3C 1 Reply Last reply
                                  • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                                    In dog beers I've only had one.

                                    Catseye3C Offline
                                    Catseye3C Offline
                                    Catseye3
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #671

                                    @jon-nyc said in So....:

                                    In dog beers I've only had one.

                                    You have to wonder about the mind responsible for this one . . .

                                    Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • jon-nycJ Online
                                      jon-nycJ Online
                                      jon-nyc
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #672

                                      So… I spent last night defrosting the fridge.

                                      Or foreplay, as she likes to call it.

                                      Only non-witches get due process.

                                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • jon-nycJ Online
                                        jon-nycJ Online
                                        jon-nyc
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #673

                                        How come Jim isn’t at work today?

                                        He’s in the hospital.

                                        The hospital? But I saw him dancing with some chick last night.

                                        Yeah, so did his wife.

                                        Only non-witches get due process.

                                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • LarryL Offline
                                          LarryL Offline
                                          Larry
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #674

                                          A man rushes his wife to the ER. For 2 hours he paces back and forth, waiting to hear something from the Dr. Finally the Dr. Come into the waiting room.

                                          Dr: "Sir, your wife doesn't look very good."

                                          Man: "Y eah, I know... but she's a good cook and the kids seem to like her...."

                                          jon-nycJ 1 Reply Last reply
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