So....
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I’m pretty excited, I just got final confirmation from my loan officer.
I’m closing on a full tank of gas this weekend.
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I checked Kelly Blue Book to see the value of my car.
It asked me if the tank was empty or full.
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Gas has gotten so expensive, rappers are now drinking it in music videos.
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My new girlfriend is 7’4”
This might be TMI, but she loves it when I go up on her.
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What's the difference between Disney and PornHub?
Disney wants you to hate your stepmom.
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So....
This big, burly, mean looking guy says to me "if you saw me breaking into your house one night, would you call 911"
I said "nope. I'd call 811."
He says "why would you call 811 instead of 911?"
I said "911 is who you call when you need help. 811 is who you call before you dig."
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So I went to the sperm bank yesterday.
The lady asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup.
I said “I’m good but I’m not ready to compete in a tournament quite yet”.