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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • J Online
    J Online
    jon-nyc
    wrote on 9 Mar 2022, 18:36 last edited by
    #582

    I’m pretty excited, I just got final confirmation from my loan officer.

    I’m closing on a full tank of gas this weekend.

    You were warned.

    1 Reply Last reply
    • L Offline
      L Offline
      Larry
      wrote on 10 Mar 2022, 02:47 last edited by
      #583

      My wife told me I wasn't romantic enough...

      A while ago we were on the couch kissing and she said "what do you say we take this to the bedroom?"

      I said "ok... you get that end...."

      1 Reply Last reply
      • L Offline
        L Offline
        Larry
        wrote on 10 Mar 2022, 02:49 last edited by
        #584

        Why is it that when women go to the bathroom in pairs no one cares, but when I did it they threw me out of the restaurant?

        1 Reply Last reply
        • L Offline
          L Offline
          Larry
          wrote on 10 Mar 2022, 02:51 last edited by
          #585

          I recently lost my thesaurus.

          I just can't find the words to describe how upset I am....

          1 Reply Last reply
          • L Offline
            L Offline
            Larry
            wrote on 10 Mar 2022, 02:57 last edited by
            #586

            I just finished reading a book on Stockholm Syndrome.

            It started out really bad but by the time I got to the end I loved it.....

            1 Reply Last reply
            • J Online
              J Online
              jon-nyc
              wrote on 10 Mar 2022, 15:02 last edited by
              #587

              I checked Kelly Blue Book to see the value of my car.

              It asked me if the tank was empty or full.

              You were warned.

              1 Reply Last reply
              • J Online
                J Online
                jon-nyc
                wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 11:32 last edited by
                #588

                Gas has gotten so expensive, rappers are now drinking it in music videos.

                You were warned.

                1 Reply Last reply
                • J Online
                  J Online
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 12:27 last edited by
                  #589

                  My new girlfriend is 7’4”

                  This might be TMI, but she loves it when I go up on her.

                  You were warned.

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • G George K referenced this topic on 11 Mar 2022, 16:50
                  • G Offline
                    G Offline
                    George K
                    wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 21:07 last edited by
                    #590

                    I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins.

                    I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

                    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • J Online
                      J Online
                      jon-nyc
                      wrote on 12 Mar 2022, 22:30 last edited by
                      #591

                      What's the difference between Disney and PornHub?

                      Disney wants you to hate your stepmom.

                      You were warned.

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • L Offline
                        L Offline
                        Larry
                        wrote on 13 Mar 2022, 20:15 last edited by
                        #592

                        So....

                        This big, burly, mean looking guy says to me "if you saw me breaking into your house one night, would you call 911"

                        I said "nope. I'd call 811."

                        He says "why would you call 811 instead of 911?"

                        I said "911 is who you call when you need help. 811 is who you call before you dig."

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • J Online
                          J Online
                          jon-nyc
                          wrote on 15 Mar 2022, 11:20 last edited by
                          #593

                          So I went to the sperm bank yesterday.

                          The lady asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup.

                          I said “I’m good but I’m not ready to compete in a tournament quite yet”.

                          You were warned.

                          C 1 Reply Last reply 15 Mar 2022, 18:06
                          • G Offline
                            G Offline
                            George K
                            wrote on 15 Mar 2022, 14:33 last edited by
                            #594

                            She: "Hey, JC! Don't go to the office today!"

                            He: "Thanks for the tip, Cal, but I have work to do."

                            "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                            The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • J jon-nyc
                              15 Mar 2022, 11:20

                              So I went to the sperm bank yesterday.

                              The lady asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup.

                              I said “I’m good but I’m not ready to compete in a tournament quite yet”.

                              C Offline
                              C Offline
                              Catseye3
                              wrote on 15 Mar 2022, 18:06 last edited by
                              #595

                              @jon-nyc “I’m good but I’m not ready to compete in a tournament quite yet”.

                              ROFL!!!

                              Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • G Offline
                                G Offline
                                George K
                                wrote on 15 Mar 2022, 21:19 last edited by
                                #596

                                BREAKING NEWS!

                                Police are warning of a large volume of fake passports and photo driving licences hitting the black market today.

                                Beware the IDs of March...

                                "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • J Online
                                  J Online
                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote on 17 Mar 2022, 18:58 last edited by
                                  #597

                                  Scientists are studying the effects of cannabis on seabirds.

                                  They've left no tern unstoned.

                                  You were warned.

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • J Online
                                    J Online
                                    jon-nyc
                                    wrote on 20 Mar 2022, 23:16 last edited by
                                    #598

                                    My girlfriend is great. She never says no to a shag, has great tits and even swallows.

                                    But her bird collecting has gone far enough now.

                                    You were warned.

                                    G 1 Reply Last reply 20 Mar 2022, 23:19
                                    • J jon-nyc
                                      20 Mar 2022, 23:16

                                      My girlfriend is great. She never says no to a shag, has great tits and even swallows.

                                      But her bird collecting has gone far enough now.

                                      G Offline
                                      G Offline
                                      George K
                                      wrote on 20 Mar 2022, 23:19 last edited by
                                      #599

                                      @jon-nyc said in So....:

                                      My girlfriend is great. She never says no to a shag, has great tits and even swallows.

                                      But her bird collecting has gone far enough now.

                                      LOL.

                                      (cheap) Scotch everywhere, even though the punchline was telegraphed.

                                      "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                      The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • J Online
                                        J Online
                                        jon-nyc
                                        wrote on 22 Mar 2022, 17:41 last edited by
                                        #600

                                        The doctor said I need to eat more whole foods.

                                        So I’ll be eating this whole bag of chips and this whole pizza for lunch.

                                        You were warned.

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • L Offline
                                          L Offline
                                          Larry
                                          wrote on 22 Mar 2022, 17:48 last edited by Larry
                                          #601

                                          "I saw a prostitute last week who had completely destroyed her life by doing drugs."

                                          "Smoking crack?"

                                          "Yeah.... her tits were nice too....."

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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                                          12 Mar 2022, 22:30


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