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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
1.0k Posts 26 Posters 84.8k Views
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  • jon-nycJ Online
    jon-nycJ Online
    jon-nyc
    wrote on last edited by
    #550

    Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

    But then so was yesterday and look at how you fucked that up.

    Only non-witches get due process.

    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
    George KG 1 Reply Last reply
    • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

      Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

      But then so was yesterday and look at how you fucked that up.

      George KG Offline
      George KG Offline
      George K
      wrote on last edited by
      #551

      @jon-nyc ...

      alt text

      "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

      The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

      1 Reply Last reply
      • jon-nycJ Online
        jon-nycJ Online
        jon-nyc
        wrote on last edited by
        #552

        My grandfather was responsible for 35 downed German planes in WW-2.

        Still to this day holds the record for the worst mechanic ever in the history of the Luftwaffe.

        Only non-witches get due process.

        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
        1 Reply Last reply
        • jon-nycJ Online
          jon-nycJ Online
          jon-nyc
          wrote on last edited by
          #553

          Somebody threw a bottle of omega 3 fatty acids at me.

          Fortunately my injuries were only super fish oil.

          Only non-witches get due process.

          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
          KlausK 1 Reply Last reply
          • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

            Somebody threw a bottle of omega 3 fatty acids at me.

            Fortunately my injuries were only super fish oil.

            KlausK Offline
            KlausK Offline
            Klaus
            wrote on last edited by
            #554

            @jon-nyc said in So....:

            Somebody threw a bottle of omega 3 fatty acids at me.

            Fortunately my injuries were only super fish oil.

            This photo captures my reaction to this joke pretty well.
            0f357660-edd8-437f-a027-5924d2e0089f-image.png

            1 Reply Last reply
            • jon-nycJ Online
              jon-nycJ Online
              jon-nyc
              wrote on last edited by
              #555

              Every time I go to the beach in my bathing suit, I can feel all the women dressing me with their eyes.

              Only non-witches get due process.

              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
              1 Reply Last reply
              • ImprovisoI Offline
                ImprovisoI Offline
                Improviso
                wrote on last edited by
                #556

                Two women were playing golf.

                One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the
                ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

                The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

                'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physiotherapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me.' she told him.

                'Oh, no, I'll be all right I'll be fine in a few minutes.' the man replied.

                He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid
                them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

                She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked 'How does that feel?'

                He replied, 'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken.

                We have the freedom to choose our actions, but we do not get to choose our consequences.
                Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on.

                1 Reply Last reply
                • jon-nycJ Online
                  jon-nycJ Online
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #557

                  So…. my career as a karate instructor was tragically ended when parents found out I was wholly unqualified and just enjoyed kicking children.

                  Only non-witches get due process.

                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                  IvorythumperI 1 Reply Last reply
                  • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                    So…. my career as a karate instructor was tragically ended when parents found out I was wholly unqualified and just enjoyed kicking children.

                    IvorythumperI Offline
                    IvorythumperI Offline
                    Ivorythumper
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #558

                    @jon-nyc said in So....:

                    So…. my career as a karate instructor was tragically ended when parents found out I was wholly unqualified and just enjoyed kicking children.

                    Link to video

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • George KG Offline
                      George KG Offline
                      George K
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #559

                      Is my wife dissatisfied with my body?

                      A tiny part of me says yes.

                      "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                      The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • jon-nycJ Online
                        jon-nycJ Online
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #560

                        My new girlfriend was excited when she found out that my friends called me ‘the love machine’.

                        Then she found out it’s because I suck at tennis.

                        Only non-witches get due process.

                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • jon-nycJ Online
                          jon-nycJ Online
                          jon-nyc
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #561

                          Did I ever tell you about the time my dick was in the Guinness Book of World Records?

                          So anyway I got kicked out of the library.

                          Only non-witches get due process.

                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • jon-nycJ Online
                            jon-nycJ Online
                            jon-nyc
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #562

                            So I said to my wife, “why don’t you tell me when you orgasm?

                            She said “because you don’t like it when I call you at work.”

                            Only non-witches get due process.

                            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                            George KG 1 Reply Last reply
                            • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                              So I said to my wife, “why don’t you tell me when you orgasm?

                              She said “because you don’t like it when I call you at work.”

                              George KG Offline
                              George KG Offline
                              George K
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #563

                              @jon-nyc which reminds me of the old joke...

                              Q: Why do women fake orgasms?

                              A: Because they think we care.

                              "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                              The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • LarryL Offline
                                LarryL Offline
                                Larry
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #564

                                This woman was running around trying to get dressed for a dinner party, and they were running late. She just couldn't make up her mind what to wear. Her husband waited patiently..,

                                She came flying through the room and said "I'm so frazzled... I don't know if I'm coming or going.."

                                Her husband says "you must be going. Because when you're coming you look like a Down's Syndrome kid trying to whistle....."

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • jon-nycJ Online
                                  jon-nycJ Online
                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #565

                                  When is it too late to have a baby shower?

                                  Because my mom never had one for me and I need clothes.

                                  Only non-witches get due process.

                                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • CopperC Offline
                                    CopperC Offline
                                    Copper
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #566

                                    Link to video

                                    George KG 1 Reply Last reply
                                    • CopperC Copper

                                      Link to video

                                      George KG Offline
                                      George KG Offline
                                      George K
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #567

                                      @Copper Steven Wright was great.

                                      Is he still around?

                                      "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                      The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                      Catseye3C 1 Reply Last reply
                                      • George KG George K

                                        @Copper Steven Wright was great.

                                        Is he still around?

                                        Catseye3C Offline
                                        Catseye3C Offline
                                        Catseye3
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #568

                                        @George-K Is he still around?

                                        Alive apparently, but not working???

                                        Wright quote: "I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

                                        Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • jon-nycJ Online
                                          jon-nycJ Online
                                          jon-nyc
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #569

                                          What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

                                          She gagged.

                                          Only non-witches get due process.

                                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                          1 Reply Last reply
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