So....
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Years ago, a young Navy Pilot was injured while ejecting from his A-4 Skyhawk due to engine failure during a cat shot from the carrier, but due to the heroics of rescue helicopter crew and the ship's hospital staff, the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear.
Since he wasn't physically impaired, he remained on flight status and eventually became an Admiral.
However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.
One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff.
The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him,
"Do you notice anything different about me?"The Master Chief answered, "Why, yes, Admiral. I couldn't help but notice that you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."
The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.
The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes, Sir, you seem to be short one ear."
The Admiral threw him out as well.
The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question. "Do you notice anything different about me?"
To his surprise, the Sergeant Major said, "Yes Sir. You wear contact lenses."
The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine.
"And how would you know that?" the Admiral asked.
The Sergeant Major replied: "Well, sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one fuckin' ear.
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G George K referenced this topic on
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So…. My girlfriend gave me a blow job on the way over to her parents house.
In hindsight we should have waited until we dropped them off.
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Q. What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around a television watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Cleveland Browns.
Q. What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around a television watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Cleveland Browns.
OK, I literally LOL'ed at that one.
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George, you're in danger of losing your football non-fan status.
D2 lives in Milwaukee. I changed the punchline and emailed it to her, just to piss her off.
And, the other football joke I know:
Q: Why doesn't Milwaukee have a professional football team?
A: Because if they did, Chicago would want one too.
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A first-grade teacher can't believe her student isn't hepped up about the Super Bowl.
"It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?"
"Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too," says the student.
"Well, that's a lousy reason," says the teacher. "What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?"
"Then I'd be a football fan." -
An old woman walked up to a saloon in the old west and tied her old mule to the hitching post.
As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, “Hey old woman, have you ever danced?”
The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No,… I never did dance… never really wanted to.”
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said “Well, you old bag, you’re gonna dance now,” and started shooting at the old woman’s feet. The old woman prospector — not wanting to get her toe blown off –started hopping around.
Everybody was laughing. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air, and the crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds, too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.
The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old woman’s hands, as she quietly said, “Son, have you ever kissed a mule’s ass?”The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, “No m’am… but i’ve always wanted to."
There are five lessons here for all of us:
1 – Never be arrogant.
2 – Don’t waste ammunition.
3 – Whiskey makes you think you’re smarter than you are.
4 – Always make sure you know who has the power.
5 – Don’t mess with old women; they didn’t get old by being stupid.
