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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • jon-nycJ Online
    jon-nycJ Online
    jon-nyc
    wrote on last edited by
    #492

    I have a fear of over-engineered buildings.

    It’s a complex complex complex.

    You were warned.

    1 Reply Last reply
    • LuFins DadL Offline
      LuFins DadL Offline
      LuFins Dad
      wrote on last edited by
      #493

      Did you see the Origami Championship on TV last night? It was Pay Per View…

      The Brad

      1 Reply Last reply
      • jon-nycJ Online
        jon-nycJ Online
        jon-nyc
        wrote on last edited by
        #494

        There's no need to tailgate me in the slow lane, especially when I'm going 35mph over the speed limit.

        And those flashing lights on top of your car look ridiculous.

        You were warned.

        1 Reply Last reply
        • George KG George K

          Years ago, a young Navy Pilot was injured while ejecting from his A-4 Skyhawk due to engine failure during a cat shot from the carrier, but due to the heroics of rescue helicopter crew and the ship's hospital staff, the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear.

          Since he wasn't physically impaired, he remained on flight status and eventually became an Admiral.

          However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.

          One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff.

          The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him,
          "Do you notice anything different about me?"

          The Master Chief answered, "Why, yes, Admiral. I couldn't help but notice that you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."

          The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.

          The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes, Sir, you seem to be short one ear."

          The Admiral threw him out as well.

          The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question. "Do you notice anything different about me?"

          To his surprise, the Sergeant Major said, "Yes Sir. You wear contact lenses."

          The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine.

          "And how would you know that?" the Admiral asked.

          The Sergeant Major replied: "Well, sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one fuckin' ear.

          Catseye3C Offline
          Catseye3C Offline
          Catseye3
          wrote on last edited by
          #495

          @george-k said in So....:

          "Well, sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one fuckin' ear.

          7c536b33-f2d3-4f3c-9887-5315c8c4308b-image.png

          Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

          1 Reply Last reply
          • jon-nycJ Online
            jon-nycJ Online
            jon-nyc
            wrote on last edited by
            #496

            Remember - taking the vegetables off your double bacon cheeseburger reduces the amount of calories consumed.

            You were warned.

            1 Reply Last reply
            • George KG George K referenced this topic on
            • jon-nycJ Online
              jon-nycJ Online
              jon-nyc
              wrote on last edited by
              #497

              Boobs are like train sets. They’re met for kids but dads love them too.

              Oh, and you can do more with the bigger sets.

              You were warned.

              1 Reply Last reply
              • jon-nycJ Online
                jon-nycJ Online
                jon-nyc
                wrote on last edited by
                #498

                So…. My girlfriend gave me a blow job on the way over to her parents house.

                In hindsight we should have waited until we dropped them off.

                You were warned.

                George KG 1 Reply Last reply
                • jon-nycJ Online
                  jon-nycJ Online
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #499

                  So… I bought a wheelbarrow for my testicles.

                  It drives me nuts.

                  You were warned.

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                    So…. My girlfriend gave me a blow job on the way over to her parents house.

                    In hindsight we should have waited until we dropped them off.

                    George KG Offline
                    George KG Offline
                    George K
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #500

                    @jon-nyc said in So....:

                    So…. My girlfriend gave me a blow job on the way over to her parents house.
                    In hindsight we should have waited until we dropped them off.

                    I SO wanted to share that, but...nah.

                    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • jon-nycJ Online
                      jon-nycJ Online
                      jon-nyc
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #501

                      I don't like the word xenophobia. It just sounds foreign to me.

                      You were warned.

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • George KG Offline
                        George KG Offline
                        George K
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #502

                        My daughter was wearing a flannel hoodie, so I said, “Hey, the 90s’ called!”

                        And she replied, “Yeah, because they couldn’t text.”

                        Goddammit! I’m tired of my kids owning me.

                        "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                        The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • jon-nycJ Online
                          jon-nycJ Online
                          jon-nyc
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #503

                          I was really struggling to get my wife's attention....

                          So I sat down on the sofa and looked comfortable. That did the trick.

                          You were warned.

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • LarryL Offline
                            LarryL Offline
                            Larry
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #504

                            I told my wife I wanted to switch places with her.

                            She said "ok... you do the ironing and I'll lay on the couch and fart.."

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • Catseye3C Offline
                              Catseye3C Offline
                              Catseye3
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #505

                              Q. What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around a television watching the Super Bowl?

                              A. The Cleveland Browns.

                              Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                              George KG 1 Reply Last reply
                              • Catseye3C Catseye3

                                Q. What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around a television watching the Super Bowl?

                                A. The Cleveland Browns.

                                George KG Offline
                                George KG Offline
                                George K
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #506

                                @catseye3 said in So....:

                                Q. What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around a television watching the Super Bowl?

                                A. The Cleveland Browns.

                                OK, I literally LOL'ed at that one.

                                "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                Catseye3C 1 Reply Last reply
                                • George KG George K

                                  @catseye3 said in So....:

                                  Q. What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around a television watching the Super Bowl?

                                  A. The Cleveland Browns.

                                  OK, I literally LOL'ed at that one.

                                  Catseye3C Offline
                                  Catseye3C Offline
                                  Catseye3
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #507

                                  @george-k said in So....:

                                  OK, I literally LOL'ed at that one.

                                  George, you're in danger of losing your football non-fan status.

                                  Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                  George KG 1 Reply Last reply
                                  • Catseye3C Catseye3

                                    @george-k said in So....:

                                    OK, I literally LOL'ed at that one.

                                    George, you're in danger of losing your football non-fan status.

                                    George KG Offline
                                    George KG Offline
                                    George K
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #508

                                    @catseye3 said in So....:

                                    George, you're in danger of losing your football non-fan status.

                                    D2 lives in Milwaukee. I changed the punchline and emailed it to her, just to piss her off.

                                    And, the other football joke I know:

                                    Q: Why doesn't Milwaukee have a professional football team?

                                    A: Because if they did, Chicago would want one too.

                                    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • Catseye3C Offline
                                      Catseye3C Offline
                                      Catseye3
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #509

                                      A first-grade teacher can't believe her student isn't hepped up about the Super Bowl.
                                      "It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?"
                                      "Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too," says the student.
                                      "Well, that's a lousy reason," says the teacher. "What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?"
                                      "Then I'd be a football fan."

                                      Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • LarryL Offline
                                        LarryL Offline
                                        Larry
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #510

                                        How can you tell if a fat girl is wearing panty hose?

                                        If she's wearing them, when she farts her ankles swell.

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • George KG Offline
                                          George KG Offline
                                          George K
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #511

                                          An old woman walked up to a saloon in the old west and tied her old mule to the hitching post.

                                          As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, “Hey old woman, have you ever danced?”

                                          The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No,… I never did dance… never really wanted to.”

                                          A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said “Well, you old bag, you’re gonna dance now,” and started shooting at the old woman’s feet. The old woman prospector — not wanting to get her toe blown off –started hopping around.

                                          Everybody was laughing. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

                                          The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air, and the crowd stopped laughing immediately.

                                          The young gunslinger heard the sounds, too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.
                                          The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old woman’s hands, as she quietly said, “Son, have you ever kissed a mule’s ass?”

                                          The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, “No m’am… but i’ve always wanted to."

                                          There are five lessons here for all of us:

                                          1 – Never be arrogant.
                                          2 – Don’t waste ammunition.
                                          3 – Whiskey makes you think you’re smarter than you are.
                                          4 – Always make sure you know who has the power.
                                          5 – Don’t mess with old women; they didn’t get old by being stupid.

                                          "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                          The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

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