So....
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wrote on 18 Jan 2022, 17:18 last edited by jon-nyc
I got in touch with my inner self today.
That’s the last time I buy single-ply toilet paper.
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wrote on 18 Jan 2022, 19:29 last edited by
Teens don't know how good they have it with lyrics sites.
We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.
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wrote on 18 Jan 2022, 23:06 last edited by
This dwarf I know wanted to quit his job to become a butcher.
But the steaks were too high.
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wrote on 19 Jan 2022, 02:53 last edited by
Why is fat-shaming people wrong?
They already have a lot on their plate.
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wrote on 20 Jan 2022, 01:52 last edited by
Friends are like giraffes.
If you shoot them, they die.
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wrote on 20 Jan 2022, 01:52 last edited by
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
“Where’s my tractor????”
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wrote on 20 Jan 2022, 23:55 last edited by
In the old west they would mount a lantern on their horse for traveling at night.
It was the first form of saddle light navigation.
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In the old west they would mount a lantern on their horse for traveling at night.
It was the first form of saddle light navigation.
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In the old west they would mount a lantern on their horse for traveling at night.
It was the first form of saddle light navigation.
wrote on 21 Jan 2022, 00:25 last edited by LuFins Dad -
wrote on 23 Jan 2022, 15:45 last edited by
I have a fear of over-engineered buildings.
It’s a complex complex complex.
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wrote on 25 Jan 2022, 02:28 last edited by
Did you see the Origami Championship on TV last night? It was Pay Per View…
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wrote on 28 Jan 2022, 13:43 last edited by
There's no need to tailgate me in the slow lane, especially when I'm going 35mph over the speed limit.
And those flashing lights on top of your car look ridiculous.
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Years ago, a young Navy Pilot was injured while ejecting from his A-4 Skyhawk due to engine failure during a cat shot from the carrier, but due to the heroics of rescue helicopter crew and the ship's hospital staff, the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear.
Since he wasn't physically impaired, he remained on flight status and eventually became an Admiral.
However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.
One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff.
The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him,
"Do you notice anything different about me?"The Master Chief answered, "Why, yes, Admiral. I couldn't help but notice that you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."
The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.
The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes, Sir, you seem to be short one ear."
The Admiral threw him out as well.
The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question. "Do you notice anything different about me?"
To his surprise, the Sergeant Major said, "Yes Sir. You wear contact lenses."
The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine.
"And how would you know that?" the Admiral asked.
The Sergeant Major replied: "Well, sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one fuckin' ear.
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wrote on 28 Jan 2022, 21:59 last edited by
Remember - taking the vegetables off your double bacon cheeseburger reduces the amount of calories consumed.
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G George K referenced this topic on 28 Jan 2022, 22:03
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wrote on 29 Jan 2022, 03:30 last edited by
Boobs are like train sets. They’re met for kids but dads love them too.
Oh, and you can do more with the bigger sets.
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wrote on 31 Jan 2022, 23:01 last edited by
So…. My girlfriend gave me a blow job on the way over to her parents house.
In hindsight we should have waited until we dropped them off.
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wrote on 2 Feb 2022, 23:22 last edited by
So… I bought a wheelbarrow for my testicles.
It drives me nuts.
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So…. My girlfriend gave me a blow job on the way over to her parents house.
In hindsight we should have waited until we dropped them off.
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wrote on 4 Feb 2022, 16:09 last edited by
I don't like the word xenophobia. It just sounds foreign to me.
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wrote on 7 Feb 2022, 13:08 last edited by
My daughter was wearing a flannel hoodie, so I said, “Hey, the 90s’ called!”
And she replied, “Yeah, because they couldn’t text.”
Goddammit! I’m tired of my kids owning me.
