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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • G Offline
    G Offline
    George K
    wrote on 25 Jul 2021, 12:25 last edited by
    #301

    Liam O’Toole applied for a forklift job at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin.

    A Norwegian applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.

    When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.
    The manager went to O’Toole and said: “Thank you for coming to the interview, but we’ve decided to give the Norwegian the job.”

    And why would you be doing that? replied O’Toole, “We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job?”

    The manager responded, “We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong.”
    “And just how would one incorrect answer be better than another?”

    That’s simple. On question number 7 the Norwegian wrote down – ‘I don’t know.’

    You put down – ‘Neither do I.’

    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

    1 Reply Last reply
    • J Offline
      J Offline
      Jolly
      wrote on 25 Jul 2021, 13:06 last edited by
      #302

      So...

      Three professors (a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician) are called in to see their dean. Just as they arrive the dean is called out of his office, leaving the three professors there.

      The professors see with alarm that there is a fire in the wastebasket.

      The physicist says, "I know what to do! We must cool down the materials until their temperature is lower than the ignition temperature and then the fire will go out."

      The chemist says, "No! No! I know what to do! We must cut off the supply of oxygen so that the fire will go out due to lack of one of the reactants."

      While the physicist and chemist debate what course to take, they both are alarmed to see the statistician running around the room starting other fires.

      They both scream, "What are you doing?!?" "Trying to get an adequate sample size!"

      “Cry havoc and let slip the DOGE of war!”

      Those who cheered as J-6 American prisoners were locked in solitary for 18 months without trial, now suddenly fight tooth and nail for foreign terrorists’ "due process". — Buck Sexton

      1 Reply Last reply
      • J Offline
        J Offline
        jon-nyc
        wrote on 26 Jul 2021, 09:48 last edited by
        #303

        What if UFOs are just billionaires from other planets?

        Only non-witches get due process.

        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
        1 Reply Last reply
        • L Offline
          L Offline
          Larry
          wrote on 28 Jul 2021, 19:26 last edited by Larry
          #304

          I'm getting sick and tired of pretentious pricks trying to impress everyone by mentioning Mozart as if that makes them appear "cultured"...,,

          When the assholes have probably never even seen one of his paintings.....

          1 Reply Last reply
          • L Offline
            L Offline
            Larry
            wrote on 28 Jul 2021, 19:30 last edited by
            #305

            So.......

            You'd think that by now Bon Jovi would be more than halfway there...

            1 Reply Last reply
            • L Offline
              L Offline
              Larry
              wrote on 28 Jul 2021, 19:34 last edited by
              #306

              The most common cause of dry skin:

              Towels

              1 Reply Last reply
              • M Offline
                M Offline
                MainerMikeBrown
                wrote on 28 Jul 2021, 19:40 last edited by
                #307

                What's the most common cause of athlete's foot?

                Just curious.

                H 1 Reply Last reply 28 Jul 2021, 20:17
                • M MainerMikeBrown
                  28 Jul 2021, 19:40

                  What's the most common cause of athlete's foot?

                  Just curious.

                  H Offline
                  H Offline
                  Horace
                  wrote on 28 Jul 2021, 20:17 last edited by
                  #308

                  @mainermikebrown said in So....:

                  What's the most common cause of athlete's foot?

                  Athletes.

                  Education is extremely important.

                  G 1 Reply Last reply 28 Jul 2021, 20:22
                  • H Horace
                    28 Jul 2021, 20:17

                    @mainermikebrown said in So....:

                    What's the most common cause of athlete's foot?

                    Athletes.

                    G Offline
                    G Offline
                    George K
                    wrote on 28 Jul 2021, 20:22 last edited by
                    #309

                    @horace said in So....:

                    Athletes.

                    If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get....

                    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                    L 1 Reply Last reply 28 Jul 2021, 22:19
                    • G George K
                      28 Jul 2021, 20:22

                      @horace said in So....:

                      Athletes.

                      If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get....

                      L Offline
                      L Offline
                      Larry
                      wrote on 28 Jul 2021, 22:19 last edited by Larry
                      #310

                      @george-k said in So....:

                      @horace said in So....:

                      Athletes.

                      If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get....

                      If they get Olive oil out of olives, and corn oil out of corn...

                      Where are they getting baby oil?

                      @george-k said in So....:

                      @horace said in So....:

                      Athletes.

                      If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get....

                      If they get olive oil out of olives, and corn oil out of corn...

                      Where are they getting baby oil?

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • L Offline
                        L Offline
                        Larry
                        wrote on 28 Jul 2021, 23:01 last edited by
                        #311

                        The Mother Superior calls a meeting with all the nuns in the convent.

                        She says "Ladies, we have a case of ghonnorhea in the convent!"

                        One nun looks at another nun and says "well, Good! I was getting a little tired of Chardonnay..".

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • L Offline
                          L Offline
                          Larry
                          wrote on 4 Aug 2021, 19:18 last edited by
                          #312

                          So......

                          I just found out that the company that makes yardsticks won't be making them any longer..,,

                          J 1 Reply Last reply 4 Aug 2021, 21:19
                          • L Larry
                            4 Aug 2021, 19:18

                            So......

                            I just found out that the company that makes yardsticks won't be making them any longer..,,

                            J Offline
                            J Offline
                            jon-nyc
                            wrote on 4 Aug 2021, 21:19 last edited by
                            #313

                            @larry said in So....:

                            So......

                            I just found out that the company that makes yardsticks won't be making them any longer..,,

                            Who told you that? I'd like to meter.

                            Only non-witches get due process.

                            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                            C 1 Reply Last reply 4 Aug 2021, 22:12
                            • J jon-nyc
                              4 Aug 2021, 21:19

                              @larry said in So....:

                              So......

                              I just found out that the company that makes yardsticks won't be making them any longer..,,

                              Who told you that? I'd like to meter.

                              C Offline
                              C Offline
                              Catseye3
                              wrote on 4 Aug 2021, 22:12 last edited by
                              #314

                              @jon-nyc said in So....:

                              Who told you that? I'd like to meter.

                              🙄

                              Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • L Offline
                                L Offline
                                Larry
                                wrote on 4 Aug 2021, 22:55 last edited by
                                #315

                                @jon-nyc said in So....:

                                @larry said in So....:

                                So......

                                I just found out that the company that makes yardsticks won't be making them any longer..,,

                                Who told you that? I'd like to meter.

                                Not telling.. you'd just try to inch your way into her good graces. So I'm afraid I must put my foot down...

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • J Offline
                                  J Offline
                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote on 5 Aug 2021, 01:05 last edited by
                                  #316

                                  Termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

                                  Only non-witches get due process.

                                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                  C A 2 Replies Last reply 5 Aug 2021, 01:11
                                  • J jon-nyc
                                    5 Aug 2021, 01:05

                                    Termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

                                    C Offline
                                    C Offline
                                    Catseye3
                                    wrote on 5 Aug 2021, 01:11 last edited by
                                    #317

                                    @jon-nyc 🙄 🙄 🙄

                                    Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • J jon-nyc
                                      5 Aug 2021, 01:05

                                      Termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

                                      A Offline
                                      A Offline
                                      Aqua Letifer
                                      wrote on 5 Aug 2021, 05:43 last edited by
                                      #318

                                      @jon-nyc said in So....:

                                      Termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

                                      The bar is indeed tender for all debts, public and private.

                                      Please love yourself.

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • J Offline
                                        J Offline
                                        jon-nyc
                                        wrote on 5 Aug 2021, 15:58 last edited by
                                        #319

                                        A recent study found that people who take their coffee black are more likely to exhibit psychopathic traits.

                                        And people who order a quad shot, non-fat, vanilla soy, extra foam, light whip with Carmel drizzle are more likely to be their victims.

                                        Only non-witches get due process.

                                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                        C 1 Reply Last reply 5 Aug 2021, 19:39
                                        • J jon-nyc
                                          5 Aug 2021, 15:58

                                          A recent study found that people who take their coffee black are more likely to exhibit psychopathic traits.

                                          And people who order a quad shot, non-fat, vanilla soy, extra foam, light whip with Carmel drizzle are more likely to be their victims.

                                          C Offline
                                          C Offline
                                          Catseye3
                                          wrote on 5 Aug 2021, 19:39 last edited by
                                          #320

                                          @jon-nyc There, you see? Some things make perfect sense.

                                          Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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