So....

[Larry]

Little Johnny sees his mother as she gets out of the shower, points between her legs and says "Mommy, whats that?" His mother says "uh.... well honey, thats mommy's sponge."

Little Johnny says "ah.... the lady next door has a sponge too. I've seen daddy washing his face with it."

[Larry]

Ad for the Flat Earth Society:

"We have members all around the globe!"

[Larry]

Scientific fact:

It is impossible for a man to use a studfinder without first scanning himself with it and then announcing to the room "found one!"

[Larry]

Bubba went to Longhorns and ordered a huge ribeye steak.

After a while his waitress came to his table and asked "How did you find your steak, sir?"

Bubba said " I just looked next to the taters and there it wuz!!"

[Larry]

I was curious why there were so many stories about vampires in Europe, but none in Africa. Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water.....

And as we all know.... they bless the rains down in Africa....

[Larry]

So.....

Never date a tennis player.

Love means nothing to them....

[Larry]

So.. today I passed a Ford car dealership named Harrison Ford. Huge building with huge blue letters that said Harrison Ford.

I thought "what's next - Liam Nissan?"

[Larry]

I wrote a book on reverse psychology.

Don't buy it.

[Larry]

So...

How do you get a guitar player to stop playing?

Put sheet music in front of him...

[Larry]

When i was a kid my dad used to put me inside a car tire and roll me down a hill.

Ah, those were good years.....

[taiwan_girl]

@george-k said in So....:

@larry

Link to video

They have a fun website with other of their pranks. Lots of fun.

[Larry]

So... a democrat looked at the huge bale of hay and said "What's that?"

I said "the cattle eat it.."

The democrat said "Wow, that must be a huge cat!"

[jon-nyc]

Michael Jackson was way ahead of his time. Way back in the 90s he was using a mask, wearing gloves, and injecting bleach.

[jon-nyc]

Don't get mad at lazy people. They didn't do anything.

[jon-nyc]

So.... I saw these two blind guys fighting.

You should have seen their faces when I said ‘my money’s on the guy with the knife.’

[xenon]

Why are Republicans against impeachment?

They believe in carrying babies to full term.

[jon-nyc]

I just saw four homeless men giving each other the vaccine under a bridge. What a caring community we live in.

[jon-nyc]

A guy was admitted to ER last night with 24 plastic horses inserted into his rectum.

Doctors described his condition as stable.

[jon-nyc]

So... this homeless guy asked me for money today. I looked in my pocket and all I had was a $20 bill.

"Do I really want this money going towards drugs"?, I thought to myself. "Nah"!

So I gave him the $20.

[brenda]

Sven and Ole work together in the City Parks Department, and with the beginning of spring, it’s time to fertilize the grass.

Sven looks at all the bags of fertilizer and sees various numbers behind some long words, like phosphorus, potassium, and nitrates. He’s completely bewildered about which bag to use.

Sven: “Say, Ole, look at dis here list of t’ings on dis here bag. Vat in the vorld are ‘p-hoss-p-hor-us’, ‘po-ta-toe-see-um’, and ‘nit-rates’?”

Ole: “Holy cow, Sven, I never heard of dat first vun. Ve bedder not use dat. Now dat next vun, dat potatoes vun, dat is no good for us to use. Ve’re not plantin’ potatoes for da City! But dat t’ird vun, you said dat vun all wrong. It’s not for nits, or Lena wudda been usin’ it on yer head already! Dat’s nite-rates, and I know about dat vun.”

Ole smiles and puffs his chest out with pride for knowing more than Sven about this one, and says, “Dat’s da good vun. Dat vun’s a good t’ing, cuz Lena told me dat nite-rates are alvays better dan day rates.”