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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • George KG George K

    When I was a young kid, I used to go to David’s barber shop. David used to whisper to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

    So David put a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then called me over and asked, "Which do you want, son?"

    I would always take the quarters and leave.

    "What did I tell you?" said David. "That kid never learns!"

    Later, when the customer left, he saw me coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

    I licked my cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"

    LarryL Offline
    LarryL Offline
    Larry
    wrote on last edited by Larry
    #242

    @george-k said in So....:

    When I was a young kid, I used to go to David’s barber shop. David used to whisper to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

    So David put a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then called me over and asked, "Which do you want, son?"

    I would always take the quarters and leave.

    "What did I tell you?" said David. "That kid never learns!"

    Later, when the customer left, he saw me coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

    I licked my cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"

    Little 5 year old Suzie goes with her daddy to the barber shop. Suzie, like most 5 year olds, is shy, and clings to her father. Shes eating a Little Debbie snack cake. When her daddy gets in the chair, little Suzie stands right up against the side of the chair so she'll be close to him. She's right under the barber's feet, and in his way. He needs her to move, but he doesn't want to make her cry so he says "honey, youre going to get hair all over your Twinkie."

    Little Suzie looks up at the barber and says "yeah, I know. I'm going to get boobs too...,"

    1 Reply Last reply
    • LarryL Offline
      LarryL Offline
      Larry
      wrote on last edited by
      #243

      Little Johnny sees his mother as she gets out of the shower, points between her legs and says "Mommy, whats that?" His mother says "uh.... well honey, thats mommy's sponge."

      Little Johnny says "ah.... the lady next door has a sponge too. I've seen daddy washing his face with it."

      1 Reply Last reply
      • LarryL Offline
        LarryL Offline
        Larry
        wrote on last edited by
        #244

        Ad for the Flat Earth Society:

        "We have members all around the globe!"

        1 Reply Last reply
        • LarryL Offline
          LarryL Offline
          Larry
          wrote on last edited by
          #245

          Scientific fact:

          It is impossible for a man to use a studfinder without first scanning himself with it and then announcing to the room "found one!"

          1 Reply Last reply
          • LarryL Offline
            LarryL Offline
            Larry
            wrote on last edited by
            #246

            Bubba went to Longhorns and ordered a huge ribeye steak.

            After a while his waitress came to his table and asked "How did you find your steak, sir?"

            Bubba said " I just looked next to the taters and there it wuz!!"

            1 Reply Last reply
            • LarryL Offline
              LarryL Offline
              Larry
              wrote on last edited by
              #247

              I was curious why there were so many stories about vampires in Europe, but none in Africa. Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water.....

              And as we all know.... they bless the rains down in Africa....

              1 Reply Last reply
              • LarryL Offline
                LarryL Offline
                Larry
                wrote on last edited by
                #248

                So.....

                Never date a tennis player.

                Love means nothing to them....

                1 Reply Last reply
                • LarryL Offline
                  LarryL Offline
                  Larry
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #249

                  So.. today I passed a Ford car dealership named Harrison Ford. Huge building with huge blue letters that said Harrison Ford.

                  I thought "what's next - Liam Nissan?"

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • LarryL Offline
                    LarryL Offline
                    Larry
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #250

                    I wrote a book on reverse psychology.

                    Don't buy it.

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • LarryL Offline
                      LarryL Offline
                      Larry
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #251

                      So...

                      How do you get a guitar player to stop playing?

                      Put sheet music in front of him...

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • LarryL Offline
                        LarryL Offline
                        Larry
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #252

                        When i was a kid my dad used to put me inside a car tire and roll me down a hill.

                        Ah, those were good years.....

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • George KG George K

                          @larry

                          Link to video

                          taiwan_girlT Offline
                          taiwan_girlT Offline
                          taiwan_girl
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #253

                          @george-k said in So....:

                          @larry

                          Link to video

                          They have a fun website with other of their pranks. Lots of fun. 🙂

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • LarryL Offline
                            LarryL Offline
                            Larry
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #254

                            So... a democrat looked at the huge bale of hay and said "What's that?"

                            I said "the cattle eat it.."

                            The democrat said "Wow, that must be a huge cat!"

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • jon-nycJ Online
                              jon-nycJ Online
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #255

                              Michael Jackson was way ahead of his time. Way back in the 90s he was using a mask, wearing gloves, and injecting bleach.

                              Only non-witches get due process.

                              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • jon-nycJ Online
                                jon-nycJ Online
                                jon-nyc
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #256

                                Don't get mad at lazy people. They didn't do anything.

                                Only non-witches get due process.

                                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • jon-nycJ Online
                                  jon-nycJ Online
                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #257

                                  So.... I saw these two blind guys fighting.

                                  You should have seen their faces when I said ‘my money’s on the guy with the knife.’

                                  Only non-witches get due process.

                                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • X Offline
                                    X Offline
                                    xenon
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #258

                                    Why are Republicans against impeachment?

                                    They believe in carrying babies to full term.

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • jon-nycJ Online
                                      jon-nycJ Online
                                      jon-nyc
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #259

                                      I just saw four homeless men giving each other the vaccine under a bridge. What a caring community we live in.

                                      Only non-witches get due process.

                                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • jon-nycJ Online
                                        jon-nycJ Online
                                        jon-nyc
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #260

                                        A guy was admitted to ER last night with 24 plastic horses inserted into his rectum.

                                        Doctors described his condition as stable.

                                        Only non-witches get due process.

                                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • jon-nycJ Online
                                          jon-nycJ Online
                                          jon-nyc
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #261

                                          So... this homeless guy asked me for money today. I looked in my pocket and all I had was a $20 bill.

                                          "Do I really want this money going towards drugs"?, I thought to myself. "Nah"!

                                          So I gave him the $20.

                                          Only non-witches get due process.

                                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                          1 Reply Last reply
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