So....
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wrote on 2 Sept 2020, 16:25 last edited by Larry 9 Jul 2020, 13:26
Little Johnny walked into the bathroom just as his grandma was getting out of the shower. He pointed and said "Grandma, what's that?" His grandma says "Little Johnny, that's my beaver."
The next day little Johnny walked into the bathroom just as his mother was getting out of the shower. He points and says "Mommy, that's your beaver!"
His mother says "That's correct Johnny. How did you know?"
Little Johnny says "Because grandma has one too!...... But I think here's is dead, because its tongue is hanging out...."
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wrote on 2 Sept 2020, 16:31 last edited by
So..,
Joe Biden goes to the doctor and says "I seem to be losing my memory."
The doctor says "How long has this been going on?"
Biden says "How long has what been going on?"
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wrote on 2 Sept 2020, 16:32 last edited by
The doctor says "You know... the thing...."
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wrote on 2 Sept 2020, 16:33 last edited by
Two cheese trucks run into each other.
De brie was everywhere...
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wrote on 4 Sept 2020, 14:44 last edited by
Magic Johnson wasted the worlds best porn name on a basketball career.
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wrote on 4 Sept 2020, 15:27 last edited by
I've had a really strange day today..
First, I found a hat full of money.
Then I got chased by some guy with a guitar..
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wrote on 5 Sept 2020, 10:55 last edited by
They laughed at my pencil drawings.
So I laughed at their chalk outlines...
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wrote on 7 Sept 2020, 11:09 last edited by jon-nyc 9 Jul 2020, 11:09
“That’s what.”
-she -
wrote on 8 Sept 2020, 19:33 last edited by
I googled "who gives a shit".
My name wasn't in the search results.
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wrote on 10 Sept 2020, 15:36 last edited by
A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description.
She said: “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 190 pounds, is soft-spoken and is good to the children.”
The next-door neighbor protested: “Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth and is mean to your children.”
The wife replied: “Yes, but who wants HIM back?” -
wrote on 10 Sept 2020, 18:05 last edited by
So...my doctor says I have Irish constipation...
I can't pass a bar..
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wrote on 10 Sept 2020, 18:06 last edited by
My wife said "I don't like your constipation jokes"..
I told her I didn't give a shit..
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wrote on 10 Sept 2020, 18:09 last edited by
So.. I went to a feminist rally the other day.
Came back with my shirt ironed, carrying a sammich.
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wrote on 10 Sept 2020, 18:20 last edited by
Stress is when you have a house payment, a boat payment, a wife, and a girlfriend...... and all 4 of them are late....
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wrote on 10 Sept 2020, 19:02 last edited by
"I went to a petting zoo the other day."
That was an elementary school, Joe...."
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wrote on 10 Sept 2020, 19:05 last edited by
"Momma always said, 'life is like a box of... you know... the thing......' "
Forrest Biden
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wrote on 14 Sept 2020, 16:12 last edited by
I just watched Jaws backwards.
It’s a heartwarming story about a shark who gives limbs to the disabled.
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wrote on 15 Sept 2020, 20:35 last edited by
So.... I'm going to open a flower shop. I'm going to call it....
Florist Gump...
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wrote on 15 Sept 2020, 20:35 last edited by
Then a bakery...
Bread Pitt
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wrote on 16 Sept 2020, 20:01 last edited by
No, you haven't gained that much weight during quarantine. Come on - chin up!
..... No, the other one....