So....
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Magic Johnson wasted the worlds best porn name on a basketball career.
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They laughed at my pencil drawings.
So I laughed at their chalk outlines...
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“That’s what.”
-she -
I googled "who gives a shit".
My name wasn't in the search results.
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A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description.
She said: “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 190 pounds, is soft-spoken and is good to the children.”
The next-door neighbor protested: “Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth and is mean to your children.”
The wife replied: “Yes, but who wants HIM back?” -
I just watched Jaws backwards.
It’s a heartwarming story about a shark who gives limbs to the disabled.
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A guy is having a check up at the doctor's.
"Do you think I will have a long and healthy life?"
"I doubt it" says the doctor shaking his head "Mercury is in Uranus right now"
"I don't believe in that astrology crap, doc"
"Yeah, neither do I. My thermometer just broke"
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I finally asked this girl I’m dating how she liked sex.
She said “I like it infrequently”.
So I said, “Is that one word or two?”
